Parents not understanding + Bad economy = stress

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Hello everyone, Im not much one for ranting ("as it usually falls on deaf ears," as some say), but Ive been having an issue with job hunting. Yes, I know the economy sucks, but it doesnt help that my parents are riding my arse about getting a job. WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!?! I dont have the "X" years experience most of the places are looking for. I only have 2 Associate Degrees (Biotech and General Arts), and experience with working in public locations involving customer service. I know i need a job, but right now is a LOWSY time to think about looking . . . and pissing me off is NOT going to make me want to look for one harder. Not to mention I absolutely REFUSE to spend 8 hours a day looking for/applying for jobs (treating a job hunt like a job is just asking for a mental breakdown). Right now, Im lucky if I put out 1 application a day, but their getting on my case makes me more likely to resent it, and not send out anything. I also cannot "network" worth a damn (meaning interacting with others about job opportunities), and i HATE making calls. I do have a P/T job, but its based on a school schedule (ie the area i work is closed for holidays/ends of semesters). What do I do, my Psych and Case Manager told me that the 8 hour job hunt is pretty much pointless right now (and im sure the majority of people here will agree), but how do i convey this level of agitation to my parents without saying something i will regret?

Do something that gets you out of the house for 8 hours a day. Buy a cup of coffee at a diner and read the whole newspaper, nice and slow (including, of course, the "Help Wanted" section.) Go to the public library and use their computers (taking time to peruse Craigslist and some job sites) then read something you enjoy. Take a walk in the park, go to the gym, whatever. When your parents ask you where you've been, tell them you've been job hunting, because it will be true.

Dont get me wrong, I have been doing that, but its as though the outside world just isnt interesting to me. Yes, i know I need a better job, but there isnt a whole lot i can do. My main issue is that with the job hunt is that i feel i have not accomplished anything. Sure, i sent out applications . . . no responses. To me, its like i have done all that for nothing, and that Im not gaining a damn thing. I would probably have better chances of winning the Lottery's Jackpot than getting a job at the moment. But i digress, my parents need to chill out and not stress me out. For me, high stress means eventual meltdown and thats something i REALLY want to avoid (my meltdowns result in verbal assaults). Its one thing to care, and its something else when one cares TOO much.

You could try communicating clearly with them about it (in a letter if you're not good at face-to-face.) Tell them you want to put a moratorium on the subject of your job search--that you are doing all you possibly can, and realize they are concerned, but that their talking to you about it adds to your already considerable stress so please don't mention it unless you bring it up yourself.

That may be my only option, but i do have a tendency for my choice of words to be rather . . . harsh and to the point. Granted, i have done the whole "writing a letter since you dont listen to me," bit a long time ago, but not sure if it would have the same/desired effect. I dont want to ostracize them.

Your parents obviously got a job when times were better then now. I mean your doing the best you can with what you have. I agree with you that your parents have to get off your back. Did you tell them waht your case manager has told you? Perhaps he can give you a letter which you can give to your parents.
And then there is something else, you state in your profile that you are 29 years, so that means your old enough to make your own decisions. Don't your parents know what is going on in the world? It is very bad in the part of the world where I live as well. I think you should chill out together with your parents until at least after the new year. Everything is slowing down now any way.

They should, but its like they cannot wrap their mind around why im not putting much effort into it. I would put more effort into the search if i KNEW there was a job opening for me at my skill level that would ensure a good start for the rest of my life. But what am i supposed to do when a job like that isnt available because the economy sucks? My sister in law has put out at least 2000 resumes/applications in the last few years and she hasnt landed anything either, and my dad is riding her about it too (and she's more of a firebrand than i am). Now Ive only put out 500 or so in the same time-frame, but i see no point in driving myself nutty over something like this. Admittedly, my stims usually involve mental stimulation, and since job hunting doesnt provide it, I find the process downright painful . Yes, i do try to have something going so it isnt as bad, but i tend to get distracted easily when presented with something i like happening at the same time as something i loathe.

I applied to so many jobs per day. Sometimes 10 jobs. I looked in the newspaper employment section, careerbuilder, monster or hotjobs. I used to work at a temp agency during college. Have you look into temp agences in your area? I know it's a bad time for jobs now. I don't think it's right when anyone forces someone to get a job. It won't help that person. Sorry that your parents are doing this.

Temp, permanent, P/T, F/T, you name it . . . i have a P/T right now, but its only open when the school semesters (so im not working right now since college is out). This means i wont be working again until Jan 3 (and its a weekend only position). Dont get me wrong, my parents arent being abusive about it, but theyre upsetting me to no end to the point that i dont want to look unless i KNOW i can get a job. That kind of certainty just doesnt exist right now.

Hello PlatedDrake,

I can definitely relate to your situation. I graduated college in May 1990...right before our previous recession (which you're old enough to remember as well). My father was less than thrilled that I couldn't find a job - especially since he had just sent me to a top-of-the-line expensive university. He didn't seem to understand how hard it was for me...especially since he had a good union electrician job, and experienced union electricians in New York City had been secure for a long time.

At the same time, I have come to see a bit of what he was talking about. In particular, if you don't have a good union berth (where you just have to register at the hiring hall and they'll call you as soon as they have an opening), you really have to bust your buns. Looking for work is a full-time job in itself.

I didn't feel it was fair to have to spend many hours each day when I wasn't getting paid. Fair or not, I was competing with many other eager - and hungry - people, and if they put their noses to the grindstone and worked smarter, they got the jobs the jobs and I stayed unemployed. A job is never "guaranteed" - let alone at a time like now.

I learned to look at it from the employers' perspective: they're seeking people who will work hard even when they know it will take some effort to fire them. If they see applicants who obviously worked hard in the job hunting process, that's at least a good sign that they also will work hard once hired.

People commonly suggest networking because that's how employers pick people for most of the jobs out there. It's hard to tell from a simple cover letter or resume, or even a brief interview, how good someone is - especially with the subjective stuff like work ethic, attitude, creativity and the like. That's why hiring managers like it when people actively recommend candidates to them.

If face to face networking is difficult for you - as it is for many of us - try email and then phone networking. You said you have two associates' degrees...that means you graduated from at least one community college or junior college, which would like as many of its graduates to find jobs as possible. Their career services people can help you find fellow alumni you can talk to. Plus, if any of your college or even high school friends have jobs in places you'd like to work, drop them an email or give them a call and ask if they can recommend you.

I understand how you may hate making calls. For that matter, I'm sure your current part-time job isn't a 100% fun experience every day. I've started up my own business and some of the things I need to do, like filing paperwork and following up with potential clients, are a pain in the butt. I do them because I have to - or rather, I have to in order to do what I want to do. You succeed not by happening to like doing each and every thing you need to do from time to time...you succeed by doing things you don't like to do.

No doubt studying Biotech and other things wasn't always fun, but you buckled down, persevered and got the degrees to show for it. Congratulations!

You said that you're not going to put much effort into it without a guarantee that you'll be set for the rest of your life. I can't say I blame you for feeling frustrated. I can't tell you how many times I was ticked off that even though I had enough skills to do the job well, I had to also talk to people and master so many unspoken rules - and then I had to keep doing it over and over again.

The great thing about it is: since life changes so often, that means your life can change. If people were set for life once they got the job, there'd be no more openings for you, now or in the future. People's uncertainties are your opportunities.

Incidentally, one thing that I haven't seen mention of during this discussion: are your parents helping to pay your bills (by letting you live with them and not charging market rent and food prices, sending you checks, letting you use their car for free, etc)? If so, I'm sure you'll agree that they have a stake in your at least putting a good deal of effort into finding a full-time job, and you have a stake in their not being too unhappy with the situation.

Writing a letter can be a good idea. Do as much as you can to understand your parents' perspective. (Keep in mind that among other things, your parents want to be proud that you do well in life, because they may feel it's a reflection on them.) Show what you are doing, and maybe something extra or two you've just started doing, to find a full-time job.

What do you think, PlatedDrake?

I think you should enjoy the christmas/new years period, and then after that try and make a new aim.. to go for at least 3 job applications per day, if the suitable jobs are there. The economy sucks ass at the moment and I think that calls for 3 times as much effort that needs to be made.

Also it will help keep the parents happy... even if you are tired of them harassing you, perhaps doing some stuff that may reduce the volume of that harassment might help... at any rate remember that whatever you do to appease them, you are an adult and never let them get to you, even if you are living under their roof, you dont deserve to be harassed all the time.

I wish I could help but I'm in the same boat you are. Parents will NEVER get that it's so much harder for people with Asperger's to just go out there and find a job. My sister had found the past couple of jobs for me. It's kinda humiliating because they're jobs that dont make you happy for very long and it's very annoying how she arranges my dad (who also has job hunting difficulties) to work in the same place as well.

One way of networking, is joining a politica party and going to rallies and such.In Vegreville, it was a highly Conservative Constituency when I was still living there.I joined the Conservative Party of Canada and went to rallies, votes, nomination meetings, and such.People notice me because they saw me from rallies.Going to church is another way and volunteering at church activities.

As a last resort you could always join the army...just dont disclose your AS.

Political party nothin . . . i despise political parties to no end. I may be a registered republican, but i know when to accept change, and what it would have to be. Lately, Ive come to view the parties as follows:

Republicans = King Richards: They tax the hell out of the population to pay for war, yet most of the population wants it.

Democrats = Prince johns: They tax the hell out of the population to pay off the republican's war debt and cover their (the democrats, ie Clinton) political flub ups.

Damned one way, damned the other (but talking in extremes so no offense to the general public here). Personally, every time there is a decision to go to war (after a predetermined length of time) all of the White House, the Reps, and the Senate (Congress overall) should be "cleaned out" and new people voted in. But, i digress . . . Im also not a church person due to some events that transpired. Not even good at networking . . . i do have a job coach and visit the Vocational Rehab once a week . . . but that can still only do so much.

edit: also, No army . . . last thing we want to do is give the army some level of intelligence.