I'm nervouse to ask but I don't really know anyone at home

Post Reply New Topic

Is anyone here , well are any of you afraid of yourself, and what your capable of...

I know this must sound like a very strange question and I'm terrified that by asking this you will all just think I'm insane but this is a very legitimate fear I have of myself. ever since I was little I've been very aware of this very aggressive part of my personality, after my little sister passed away it became very hard to control and I was very often angry and rude to people. after (very intense) counseling I've regained some control over myself but there are some times where I feel very capable of hurting somebody and it scars me

one such event was when I was about 13 when a boy tried to force himself on my in the woods near my home at first I hadn't understood what was going on, when I finally clued in I got very angry and lost all of my control I kicked him very hard threatened him with more violence and his ability to procreate and then I ran away. after that I didn't see him but a couple months later While I was ordering dinner for my family While in the restaurant someone I babysat for came in a told me someone was trying to steal my bike, it was the guy before I could even register I just saw red and I hit him incredibly hard.

Any time I see my friends getting hurt I get the same way a firend who was being abused by her boyfriend, when she told me what was happening I almost attacked the guy, I was so mad How could he do that to her she's a very sweet quiet girl see very delicate she needs a nice guy to look out for her and keep her safe not some nimrod who thinks he can beat her up and get away with it.

I don't like losing control of myself but I'm worried as right now my parents are going through a divorce and not long ago my mother attempted suicide to avoid having to deal with my father leaving, I just feel all that aggression that I've tried very hard to keep smothered boiling and it scars me, I am very aware that I'm capable of hurting some one if I lose control again.

I know I must sound insane I'm not at least I don't think so I don't feel insane... LOL

I just I don't who else to talk to about this theres no one here who understand me or the way I am and I can't afford a therapist or anything so I'm kind of stuck on my own misrible and scared of myself.

self control is a very complicated issue, some key points to remember violence rarely solves anything it is a very good sign that you have identified that you are having issues controlling your anger that is a very big step that some can never come to terms with it sounds like mostly you need to learn some steps in interacting with people you go from step 1 to step 10 step 10 being violence
here it the example you were angered by the treatment of a person you cared about however the first step would be to let your friend get counseling she should remove herself from a bad situation if this is not possible then the next step would be for you to simply calmly preferably in a safe public place simply let the aggressor know that his actions are unacceptable and that if they happen again you will call the police so you can see all of these steps that could be used before you go strait to extreme violence be better then that remember it is never ok to hurt others there is some argument for self preservation but I have rarely in my 32 years experienced an occasion where violence was used in self preservation IE someone trying to stab you so basically i would work on interpersonal skills and you may find that knowing some steps you can use before you get to the violence will help you gain control over your rage

First of all, what you did to that boy who tried to force himself on you was exactly what you are supposed to do. There are people who take courses to learn that. The police recommend it.

I don't think there's anything wrong with hitting the same goon when he tries to steal your bike.

Wanting to punch out somebody who hurt the defenseless is a positive trait.

Have you ever hurt somebody who was innocent? Or smaller than you? Have you ever continued to punch somebody who was no longer hurting you or somebody else? Then I don't think you're out of control.

I do the same "automatic" thing, only verbally, and loud. I don't get to make a decision whether to yell at people, it just happens.

A death in the family causes rage, there's no escaping that. And parents who divorce and an attempted suicide - all these things cause rage. And there's nowhere to aim the rage. When my Mom died I refused counseling and wanted to punch God. If you were completely rational with all that in your life, you'd have to be a robot. It sounds to me like you're having normal human reactions.

What I'm trying to say is that getting rid of rage just stuffs it down where it will explode some day. Is your counsellor only interested in getting you to be agreeable? Then that's the wrong counsellor.

Maybe grief counselling?

I know that exercise helps, and I'm no athlete. Maybe ask the SPCA if they'd like you to walk a dog. You'd get exercise as well as a boost to your self-esteem. Or maybe take up boxing - the instructor would have lots of experience with the sort of problem you describe.

I think you're normal. I think your life is hell on wheels right now - what are you supposed to do, go around like Mr. Congeniality? The more I think of it, the more I think you might do well to speak to a boxing instructor. Just mosey on over or phone.

And keep in touch!

Oh no I've never hurt someone innocent or defenseless in fact I channel my aggression as best I can towards people who do bad things like hitting the defenseless kicking puppies and such. I've never hit anyone repeatedly I don't want to hurt anyone.

I don't go to counseling anymore I can not afford it regrettably. but lately my boss at work has been on my case she says I need to be more in control of my emotions I'm either to peppy and happy or I act like my dog just died' she is really heavily getting on me about it which is making me feel very inadiquit at my job because I am trying very hard but I'm also trying o help support my mother whos throwing all her aggression at me, my younger brother who's having lots of problems at school I'm doing my best to help.

I live in a very small town the only gym available is on the local airbase which I can't get to.

I know what it's like to have "mood swings" at work when what's really going on is I've had news from home again.

I'm not clear on your situation, but can you forbid personal calls at work? One thing that helped me was knowing that I was safe at work.

Oh I don't take personal calls at work we can't calls go through an operator if they need to reach me only through my cell and only an emergency , I was getting a few dd calls at work where the person would call me breath down the phone then hang up on me but their nothing they can do about that apparently.

Where is the very smack centre of North America?
The very smack centre of Canada is Churchill.