Any non-TG people whos gender is causing them problems?

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As it says in the subject I'm wondering if anyone else here who isn't transgender having issues with your gender. I'm male and identify much more with females. But just recently this has gone beyond a preference for friendships etc and has become a spiral downwards into a mental quagmire of confusion over what I indeed am. I'm writing this while feeling really down, semi-depressed and lonely. But somehow I'm thinking clearer then normal at 2:45am which it currently is and so I'm writing this.

It confuses the heck out of me. Really we're just "something else". I call myself transgender as shorthand for "I don't fit into the mainstream view of gender" but I've no idea where I do fit, or whether the idea of gender is useful. PM if you want my confused ramblings.

My favorite answer about gender I heard here once (by Xanderbeanz?), which was something like "I dunno, I just feel like a mish-mash of both."

Seems like being on the spectrum sometimes means having to think more about some fundamental things about being human (that people usually take for granted).

So I suppose the label I'd pick these days is "mish-mash" or "unaffilliated," so not normally gendered, but not TG either. I regret not exploring that more when I was younger.

Gender is fascinating, but can lead to a lot of mental loops from trying to 'rationally' figure it out when it seems a question. I think the rational mind eventually tires out and goes to sleep, and then a person sees their gender (whatever it is) as something that exists without reasons or justifications. Well, that's my POV, anyway. It defintely can get complicated and confusing.

There are gender therapists, as you likely know -- as I understand it most people who see one don't actually transition genders. (unless the therp is doing their job wrong and being pushy, in which case run, of course)

I've heard Tony Attwood mention something about gender ID w.r.t. ASCs, but I don't agree with his theory.

I think Loli-kun and I have the same issues. I identify more with females, but I don't really have a desire to be one. I'm comfortable as a guy, but sometimes I describe myself as being anti-guy. Sometimes I don't understand why guys do the things they do or act the way they act, I don't really want to be that way. Don't get me wrong, I do wear guys clothing but not the same clothing the majority of guys wear. I never wear stuff that is too big for me. Some people stare at me and it creeps me out. I find alot of guys, mostly younger than me, can be creepy. Sometimes I wonder if they think I younger, like their age, but really I'm 34 but don't really feel I'm that age yet. Ok, sometimes I do wear girls clothing, but I'm not going to say that I'm a crossdresser because I don't consider myself to be. I have no interest in wearing dresses. I have more pairs of girls jeans than I wear than guys jeans, i have a few girl tops but I have more guy ones. I wear guys shoes too because its hard to find girls shoes in my size. I have an obsession too with their footwear, but its mostly rainboots and sneakers. It goes back a long way, I remember being in 1st grade and liking the white rubber rain boots a girl in 2nd grade had. In 3rd grade I had a crush on a 1st grader and loved her winter boots that had rubber bottoms and then puffy nylon uppers.