Partners not acknowledging birthdays, anniversaries etc

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Does anyone else feel hurt about being ignored by their partner on "special days". By this I mean that my partner seems to think it is OK to not acknowledge special days...my special days... because he says he doesn't want me to acknowledge his...eg birthday.... he';s Greek so his culture didn't celebrate birthdays just boy's name days......his parents don't acknowledge anniversaries etc..... earlier in our relationship my partner used to acknowledge these things.....
Regarding birthdays he says "you can buy yourself something". And Christmas he says that he doesn't want me to buy him anything.........so every day is the same....empty of everything that could be special.....I don't know why I'm here..... and there seems no hope of any better future with or without him......I thought I was being "understanding of what I thought were temporary situations ( or was told were so)....in fact it seems that I've , once again, been walked over and left without any ground for redress.

He is a workaholic and we never have weekends, holidays or even "public holidays" in fact I wonder if he even wants to spend any time ever with me...I enjoy spending time alone but not ALL my time alone.

From my life pattern I seem to have found myself in similar situations.... like people are happy to have me there for them but they are never there for me..........at the moment I feel very desperate, and unhappy.... yesterday was our 16th wedding anniversary...a Saturday...he went to work......never mentioned our anniversary and wasn't pleased when I did mention that I felt hurt.
I was diagnosed a few days ago and feel rejected.
Have other people found similar things happen to them?

That sucks I take it you've already tried explaining that your birthday matters to you, even if he doesn't celebrate his... I'm not sure what you should do.

If you really want to stay with him and he refuses to budge, then forget him; go celebrate and have a good time with your friends and family. leave him out of it completely.

Thanks! Yes , he knows those days matter to me and he used to acknowledge them. He is also aware of the days and dates.....just can't be bothered anymore from what I gather.
He is very self centred ....but refuses to see it as he puts WORK, his special interest,above all else......with the rationale that someone has to earn the money. I'm on a disability pension. This leaves me feeling like an ungrateful parasite.

I feel that both my mental and physical health is deteriorating at alarming speed....would like to go somewhere for respite but can't find anywhere affordable.

Is your disability pension enough for you to live on? Or do you have parents you can move in with for a while? It sounds as if he thinks because he pays the bills, you're just another piece of property he can treat as he likes.

If there is any chance that you could get a job I would say go for it, just to get more independance back in your life, but I know that may not be possible.

Take him at his word though; next year buy yourself the best, most expensive present possible

I can so relate.


I had a boyfriend who was dead beat and lazy. I thought he cared about me because he acted like it at times. But he went camping with his friend and said he be back Sunday. He didn't come back, he never even called me to tell me he isn't coming home and he had excuses like his friend didn't want him calling long distance. He could have gone to his parents and called. I didn't care that he didn't come home but my birthday came and he didn't come home. I was very hurt. My parents had been right all along. He didn't care about me. I had finally connected the dots. I didn't matter that much to him, he didn't care about me, his life was more important than me and his friend. If he did care about me, he would have remembered my birthday. He claims he isn't good at remembering dates but I don't buy he is unable to remember mine because he can remember his friend's. Lot of people aren't good at remembering dates, but they do remember important ones like birthdays, and anniversaries. So I knew I didn't matter much to him. But he did come home that day while I was out with my family celebrating my birthday and you know what, he took his computer, his other things and didn't leave a note and left again with his friend. I broke up with him the next day. I also told him I don't want him living with me anymore and he said "okay." Then he was all depressed that I had dumped him and he was calling himself a screw up which was ironic.

All it took for him was to miss my birthday for me to figure it all out.

Thanks Lene and Spokane_Girl for your replies!

My parents are long since dead ....I'm 62 years and definately not well enough to be employed. I paint when I'm able and occasionally exhibit my work..... as my paintings are not pretty scenes or vases of flowers there isn't a huge queue wanting to purchase....although I have/do sell occasionally.
There is no one I can stay with that is why I was looking into respite care for a while.

Today my partner and I had a talk about directions in life and my health. He is not keen to lose me but, apart from being obsessional himself, has been used to being indulged...getting his own way in his family/culture of origin...as the only boy sharing or considering others, particularly females, wasn't part of his upbringing. This I do understand.

As he went with me last week to an appointment for ASD diagnosis and is aware of the importance of relationship counselling.....which I hope he will follow through with me... I am once again "hoping" that there will be a change. I've told him that this cannot be put off further and if I cannot be assured of his cooperation I don't hold out much hope for a future together.
Time will tell!
He has gone away for the week to work in a large city 300kms away... this will give me a chance to recover from my meltdown, and adjust to the reality of the diagnosis and all it implies. The unfortunate thing is that he stays at his parents and I feel he needs a cultural detox on the way home as he sinks back into "the indulged one" on these weeks with his folks.
It has been good to work through this with all who responded to my Thread.....I really appreciate the feed back!

I guess you've probably already tried something like this but could you arrange a standard gesture that would be easy for him to make for these special days, like maybe that he picks up dinner on the way home from work on your birthday and orders you a bunch or roses or something? Something he can do but doesn't have to think too much about.