Can someone explain why people want to have children?

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On the dating sites I go to, many of the profiles I look at say they want to have kids or have more kids. Why? I can't understand people wanting to have kids. I feel that kids:

1. Cost a ton of money to raise, all your money is going to by stuff for them.
2. You have to spend a ton of time with them. So in addition to your money going down the toilet, so does your free time.
3. I feel that kids will never apprecate what you do for them.

So can anyone tell me why anyone in there right mind would want to have a child and have all there time and money go to a kid that will not love you back? I never had a sense of family to my mom or anything like. I fell like she did things for me not out of love but because she is my mom and a social obligation. I know I would feel the same way if I had children.

The only reason to have children is for the survival of the human race. Having kids are not for everyone. But it seems many people want them. I don't see why.

I'm not sure this is the right place for this thread. If not move it please.

I feel the same way you do.

Over the years, I've come up with a few ideas on it, though. People remember how wonderful it was to be a child and loved by their parents. They want to be a parent. They feel very emotional and attached about children. I think you either feel it or you don't. Personally, I feel that way about animals, so I can understand someone else feeling a similar attachment to a different creature. They love people as a species and think we are wonderful, so they want to experience that form of creating a bit of something wonderful and see how wonderful they can make it.

it is not cesarry you understand others, only that you understand yourself

We did not plan on having a kid.. we were enjoying being a couple and hiding in our own little world. But a kid came along, and I think it has improved our married life in many ways.

For one it allows me to be a kid again without getting strange looks... I was able to play with toys and go on kiddy rides.

Having a child forced me to go out into the community... so far I have been a soccer coach, and cub scout leader.. I even took martial arts (something I never did before)

It's true that you cannot really afford a kid, they do take time and energy.. and they will not appreciate you until years down the road, maybe never.

But to be a part of a life and try to nudge it in the right direction is rewarding in itself. Almost daily my son does something that makes me proud.. also everyday he does something that frustrates the hell out of me. Of course to him, he only remembers the 'what were you thinking?'.. but deep down I hope the times I tell him 'good job' is remembered.

The most frustrating thing is having a child around cuts down on a sex life. From 3-4 time a week to 3-4 times a month. We still shower together almost every morning..

Also, just randomly going somewhere is harder with a kid. We used to just randomly do things, things are just a bit more complex with a brat in tow.

Weighing the good with the bad, at least in my case. having a kid was a excellent thing.
But one is enough for us so I went and got fixed.

The parent trap topic

Of course kids do not appreciate what you do for them. Did you appreciate your parents?

Lots of work. All unpaid. You volunteer 24/7. All for a good cause--you hope.

Sometimes kids disappoint. They get into drugs, have sex, break laws, cost a ton of money. Tehy do treat you like crap--sear, fight and tell you they hate you, call you names--thy can be worse than bullies. they make you angry and sad.This is what some parents go through.

And this is what I am going through. So why did I bother?

I did not think about this happening. I wanted to have kids and impart my wisdom to them. Many parents want to do this. The bad behaviour is a stage they must pass through, just as we did, on the way to maturity. The worst time is the teens. By the time they are 19, all this negative stuff should pass. If not, it may never. So you did the best you could. You did not waste you time. You you did your best. perhaps one day, they will realize it, when they have children of their own. In my case, my oldest did not want kids. I have no idea if the younger two will be parents. If they do, and ask for help, I am there. If not they are on my own, as I was.

I am proud of all my kids have accomplished, and for the bad stuff, they overcame adversity. They themselves will realize this major accomplishment in the years ahead. No one said life was easy. And the parenting life is hard. For this reason, my oldest daughter, and many here on WP do not wish to become parents. This is a personal choice.

lol what i cant stand is people not excepting you wont and dont want kids its always 'when you have kids' never 'if' especially if they wont let it drop makes me insane lol

"When" is a long time topic

Having kids is a choice. I used that term in my post to point out that sometimes people realize how much work it is when (and if) they have their own children. I never considered the work involved. If I had been told (and listened) I probably would not have had them. As you said yourself. I have never told my oldest to have kids--that is HER choice NOT to have them.

The only choice I do not have is if I become a grandparent--it is not in my power to tell my grown children what to do.

Anyway, I will say this: Do not have children if you do not want them. Please. You will not be doing any one any favours. Thanks.

I would like to have children for my own reasons but I know many NT and AS people who don't. At the end of the day, it's a personal choice and having children is not right for everyone. I get annoyed on other peoples behalf when people tell them they should have kids or they'll change there mind or something because I think it's offensive to them to say that.

Having a kid will change my life.

I will be less lazy
I will go out more
I will have more things to do than being stuck with the computer and in my routines
And I do want to enjoy my time with my kid and take him or her to places and I would love to see my kid have fun
I know I will be spending money on my kid but you know what, I want to buy stuff for my kid.
Sex shouldn't be a problem because I hardly have it and I am not much into it

I have thought of the cons:
Diapers, I will have to figure out a way to keep them hidden and not let my kid find out
I won't be able to walk naked in my apartment or go naked in the summer if I had a son
People
Issues to deal with and problem solving
Homework help, when my kid gets to a certain age, I won't be able to help him or her because of my learning difficulty (I'd be lucky if my kid is able to do it on its own and won't inherit my learning problem)
The kid could have behavior problems or other disabilities
The kid could grow up to hate me because I "wasn't a normal mother"
The kid could see me as a child than an adult
Arguments with my child
Picky eating
Nagging my kid to do things
Christmas shopping for when the kid is older (it be tougher)
Unable to sleep when I have the baby
Getting up early because my kid gets up early
Having to go to bed early because my kid gets up early
Cleaning up vomit
Emergencies
Kid wishing he or she had normal parents
Kid not liking what I wear
Kid not accepting differences (I will try and teach my kid that anyway)
Kid could end up doing drugs or alcohol or parties
Kid could end up getting pregnant in her teens
Kid sneaking parties in our home
Kid not being able to do activities and stuff for school because of our low income
Kid not liking me watching the same movie over and over or hearing the same album over and over
Kid might be embarrassed by me
Kid taking advantage of me or try
I could end up with a kid with severe autism (I'd be lucky if he or she were non violent and was silent, didn't scream all the time and wrecking my home)
Kid could be nosy and find my diaper stash and adult baby clothes and other baby items (I'd be lucky if he or she didn't care)
Prone to depression
More prone to meltdowns
More anxiety
And of course people getting on your back about how to raise your kids or criticising your parenting or making judgements
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I don't see why people would want to abandon their kids or not spend time with them, lazy parents and I mean how hard is it to play games with them or watch TV with them or play with toys? I heard how people don't know how to be with a four year old and I do a virtual face palm thinking that is the stupidest excuse ever to not be with your kid.

Everyone keeps saying I will be a good mother. I think I will be. I would be reading about how to raise kids and reading parenting magazines so I can be the best mom out there. I was reading on pregnancy and focused on it it was all I thought about most of the time I read about it a lot online. My pregnancy made me less lazy because my baby was all I cared about. So I don't see why other people not be with their kids or do things for them and they just leave them alone and never be with them, same as preggers not taking care of themselves. I thought it was going to be overwhelming but I was wrong. I loved it all.

Right now I want to have one kid. Now I want to have two and that's it. If I love having two kids I would want more but two would be enough because I don't believe in having more kids if you can't afford it out of your own pocket. I find it very wrong to keep having kids and having the state pay for it and eating away peoples money. This opinion seems to make people mad because I have gotten a thumbs down for this comment at Yahoo Answers every time I've said it.

Yes, having children is absurd, but what aspect of our brief existences is NOT absurd?

Sounds realistic, and practical, to my family.

May have been dealing with members in the ages of the "Entitlement Generation" there on Yahoo, maybe?

If you have Aspergers Syndrome, its very difficult for you to understand other people's feelings. You most likely can only think about yourself and your own feelings.

When you actually feel that you want to have children that is the time when you will be able to understand why people want children. But until that time, I think you will never understand.

This is a really good thread, it is a very relevant topic for Aspies.

The issues I have with dating and relationships notwithstanding, I simply have no interest in having children. None.

I'm an only child, so there is that pressure as well, and I know my parents really want grandchildren, but there's no possibiliity it will ever happen. They still think on some level that I'm going to "change my mind" someday and that I'll want to have kids. It's shocking, and even a little disturbing, that they still think it's feasible, with all they know about how I am and how I think. When I have asked them why people have children, they make a face and say, "How can you ask such a stupid question" but never provide any sort of answer. It really just goes to show how we're not in the same world.

It works for some people, not with others. A lot of Apsies have kids, and a lot of neuros don't.

But to answer the original question, I would say, It's natural. It's how the species survives, so there's an urge among a good portion of the population to do it. So on some level, there must be "something" wrong with those of us who don't. But it isn't something I at all identify with or is in any way a part of my goals, and I think fellow Aspies can understand that.

A lot of it has to do, I think, with our innate self-centeredness. In my case, I'm too wrapped up in myself, and my own problems to even remotely comprehend sharing my life with a child. That a child would be "a part of me" really doesn't do anything for me emotionally.

I got fixed a couple of years back. So I will never have children. I thought about having children for a very long time, about 15 years before had it done. I did not just jump into it.
Spokane Girl said you should not have any more kids then you can afford. I agree. I am just getting by with what I make at my job. If I brought another kid into it it would be tough and not fair to them.
You are right childden are not for me and I don't think I will ever understand.

And lot of people don't understand how can someone not want kids. Mmmmm.

I would NOT make a good parent, even though it's very weird, I have great empathy for others, I understand other people's emotions, but still.