Had meltdown where I smashed stuff...

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Am recovering from meltdown where I was triggered because Flakey's other girlfriend had cleaned out the fridge and threw away the fresh batch of tuna salad I had made the night before. Also the breaker to the kitchen had been flipped so that the power was out....
I dug the tuna out of the trash and smashed the container on the floor and then kicked over the trash can and collapsed in my room sobbing...and couldn't move for a while...
I have been going through a rough patch. I have been depressed because my very AS-ish friend is depressed and is also experiencing heart trouble and refuses to do anything about it, and I am unable to do anything about it..I want to pay for him to visit a wholistic doctor, but he refuses..

He went for several days where he was unable to stop crying..and then he came over last night, as he often does...He sounded in a good mood and like he wanted to come over when I spoke to him...we had plans to practice songs for some shows we have coming up...and then he was experiencing a lot of trouble with his chest on the way over...and I immediately felt bad about encouraging him to come over..and then he was angry and cranky the whole evening and into the next day...where he just got angry about everything I did...and then finally left.

I have been mad at myself for imposing myself on him, and making him go out of his way to spend time with me..and so i told him that I was not going to call him. He can just call me if he likes.
I am not going to invite him over or make any demands of him from now on...I have been too smothery and pushy only because I care about him and want to make him happy somehow..but that is not gonna happen..all I am doing is adding to the stress that is contributing to his chest pain...

I have been crying off and on for a few days, and I have been having some meltdowns...I had one on Sunday at the grocery store...and then again today...

There are a lot of other things that have been eating at me besides...I am not sure what to do...I am beating myself up for contributing to my friend's stress.,...and he has a lot of problems with me lately...

I need to divert my focus away from him

Not fun. I'm sorry you've had a hard time, and I hope you feel better soon.

About your friend...

Is it certain that it's heart trouble? I mean, has he been seen by a doctor and it's been determined that it's heart trouble and not something else?

I ask because, as you are probably already aware, anxiety can sometimes feel like there's something wrong with your heart. I actually ended up in the ER last summer because I was feeling all kinds of weird stuff that was scaring me. Naturally it was on a weekend evening, so I had to leave a message with the on-call physician, who left a message for me to go to the ER immediately. After spending a few hours hooked up to machines in the ER, I was given a prescription for clonodine, and told, and I quote, "Next time you get that feeling, just say: screw it!"

I still have all kinds of nutty things going on, but no more worries about my heart. (I wish I had filled the prescription, for when I got the bill.)

If it is an actual, known heart problem, then I hope my comment above doesn't sound insensitive.

His mom died youngish of sudden heart failure.

He is not one to go to a doctor...he is very very stubborn on it...just like he is not one to take pharmaceuticals.

He did go to the doctor years ago about chest pains and it was said that there was nothing wrong...but he has been having increased chest pains and feelings on his left side. He also had a bulging vein in his chst, but it went away.
Last Sunday, he had the feeling of something happening in his heart and he had to go lay down for the rest of the night...and he says that he has not felt quite right ever since...but talking about it stresses him out..

He has a very difficult time handling stress and anger...he is easily stressed and easily angered...and that stuff takes it's toll on a person.

Flakey says that it could just be angina....which Flakey also has...but I don't know....I have also been criticized for not worrying as intensely about Flakey's chest pains....It is just that my friend's seem to be more acute at the moment, and also, Flakey does not have the same kinds of anger issues.

It has been very difficult dealing with him lately....I care the world for him...but I have to constantly walk on eggshells....any little thing might set him off....He was in a completely foul mood from the time he showed up until the time he left today.
Mentally, he can seem quite chemically imbalanced and he has a lot of sensory issues and whatnot... and he self medicates with beer and pot...this has been his rigid maintenance system for years. Without that stuff to buffer him, he is like an open nerve...
an uncomfortable wreck.. (and is anyway)....I know it is taking it's toll on his health....but there is nothing that anyone can do to stop him.

Since being in a relationship with him, he kinda has been one of my "special interests"...so I guess I am guilty of doting on him too much.
He just seems like he needs looking after...so that is what I do.

My moods are very effected by his moods...That is something I need to work on....
Sometimes it seems like we are emotionally synced up....and maybe I am being constantly bombarded with wave after wave of bad feelings because that is what he is going through....(or maybe it is vice versa )

Flakey says he is on his "man-rag",,,(he is slightly effeminate and has gender identity issues and does seem to have an emotional cycle that is akin to PMS)