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Do you ever get so angery that you want to break stuff.

this is why:

as many of you know i live in fostercare, however i spent a week with my freind martin and he came back with me to where i am staying temporaly for a couple of days.

yesterday my social worker came and described martin as sweet. Now why doesent anyone ever describe me as sweet?

its not just that, for some reason evrytime some mentions some problem martin has they all seem to go bleary eyed. for example, Sue mentione to me martins mum said to her he has no concept of time. and she saw that as very cute. I don't really know how to put down in words how i feel but i want to be thought of as cute. prehaps if i was cute people may actully be able to love me. and not just reject me.

I have been trying to figre out why i am not cute and the only reason i can come back with is that it is because i am smart, or at least i appear so. i am fed up of people saying "jamie you should have know that, you are smart enough to relise" It just make me so angery when people wont listen to what i am saying because they fail to actully understand what i am telling them.

Right now i feel really bad and evil, because i am aware that recently my aspiness could have been an act. In my note which i was not meant to see it said that they considerd it attention seeking. however i was assumed aspie a few years ago, but i never got assed, so how could i be acting it if they thought it then before i even knew what it was?

lots of the time i find i just don't know how to act, i find i cannot do anything to relax. i cannot seem to be able to get into a relaxed state and when i try i end up thinking about my behavior and why i shouldent be doing it.

somtime this anger just wells up in me and i throw thing, last night i threw my beading across the room.

At the same time i rolled lion onto the floor. i am 16 i should not need the comfort that a plushie brings.

does anyone know how i feel?

I feel alot like i have gone from one act to another, but at the same time i feel very angery at the world for how it is being. I feel scared about my future. One thing that really hurts is when i see martin with his family. I can see the love right there. i can see that he has nothing to worry about, i can then see his own behavior and how i try to be perfect but it still all gose wrong.

anyway enough of this.

jammie

i get jealous of people too. A few years ago i remember my neighbors telling a three year old she looked cute in a dress... i felt kind of dumb being jealous of a little girl.




I think everyone wants attention and i think aspies need it more then most. no one has any right to say you are (or make you feel like you are) putting on an act because they have never been inside your mind. My teachers said i was acting for attention, too. that didn't help the way i acted it just made me very self-conscious





i'm 19 and i still sleep with a plush. I would have a lot of trouble getting to sleep without it. My cousin (almost 30) and my sister (also 16) sleep with 'plushes'. my sister has about 20 different plushes but always sleeps with a big one. i forget what animal my cousin has. i think a lot of adults need that kind of comfort.

I don't like being described as sweet or cute. I don't like being called a "young lady" either. All these labels come with expectations that I will comply with social rules, I will be polite and gentle and not stir things up. I will accept bad treatment without complaint, and I won't say inappropriate things.

I don't want any of that. I like stiring things up, I don't want the same as everybody else. I don't want to be a conforming spineless people pleaser - believe me its a fast track to real insanity trying to please everyone. I have a hard enough time fighting the impulse to do things that please my mum but would make me miserable - like sometimes she wants me to move in with her. YIKES. When I cripple myself - and I'm stuck there - she's complaining after less than a week. Go figure.

If you want to get called sweet - you have to learn how to get really good at compliments. And even when you want to b***h about something, you phrase it in a way that is pleasant to hear - like spin. Pay attention to the person you want to think you are sweet (are you really seriously interested?), notice what they find important, pay attention to the compliments they make and what they admire in other people, these are your big clues. In your own words, and if it applies - repeat the compliments back. You could say something nice about the way someone handled a situation - "I liked how you stayed really calm and got that problem sorted" or if they pay attention to clothes or even if they don't, if they show up in something new, or a colour you like, say so. Say the whole outfit looks good together, makes the person look stylish etc. If someone does something nice for you, tell them "thank you, thats sweet of you" (blech). The more you can do this, the more you get people to feel good about themselves and the little things they do - the more likely you are to get compliments back. Make sure you vary what you compliment, and make sure it is specific and something that person thinks is a "good thing", for instance - calling me "sweet" wouldn't go down too well, I'd think there was something wrong with your thinking.

Some people are not going to be cute no matter what they do. I think it would be very difficult for a 16 yo boy to achieve this. Though cute has more than one meaning. You may get called "cute" if you start dishing out cheap tacky pretty fluffy toys as gifts to nobody in particular. They might confuse the cute gift with the giver.

I think the rejection might happen when aspies offend without meaning to. This frequently happens when I say something which I see as the truth, and I don't think about how the truth might be received by the person I'm saying it to. Ie fat people usually get horribly offended if you mention you don't want them to die young or get diabetes. They don't get so offended if you say they must have a very efficient metabolism - ie everything they eat gets processed into energy and they end up wearing it (if they don't get enough exercise). Where as someone with an inefficient metabolism can eat lots and never get fat. Or instead of calling them fat, you call them soft and cuddly. Both true, mean much the same thing, but one way is much easer to hear.

So to avoid or minimise the rejection or offence - I apologise a lot. Well if I care about the friendship I do. Eventually they get that no matter how awful what I'm saying sounds, I mean well. Most of them work out they can say to me - I don't like what you said - without me getting offended that they complained about it.

My father and stepmother used to go on and on about how cute and nice other kids were when I was in middle school. Also little girl gymnasts on TV. Also girls at my school, often the same ones who picked on me. I thought it was kind of wierd and gross, and the message I always got from it was that I was repugnant to them, since I didn't get any positive words from them. They may not have meant to make me feel this way, but it did. Some people just aren't very tactful, and it can hurt, but I think it helps a bit to work on liking yourself, and realizing these people probably do not realize how they sound.

Last edited by lae on 04 Jun 2006, 1:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sorry if I post more than once. Computer or my brain has been acting up.

Last edited by lae on 04 Jun 2006, 1:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Jammie, narcassism is pretty common among Aspies... and often cute people resent getting called cute. It can be demeaning and make them feel childish.

Somewhere else, I brought up the following.

If you can inspire so much outrage and hostility in people, then you're pretty powerful.

Maybe the only power is to enrage. But it's something.


When people get you down, you can just think remember that you're really bothering them. They have a bad idea about what you should be. You're something else. Their own inability to deal with this causes their own suffering, in the form that they get angry.

You're not alone here jammie. I'll be 16 in a couple of weeks myself, and recently my anger has been rather uncontrolable. I'm not really able to calm down before hitting or breaking something. I just recently bought myself one of those anti-stress thingies. Works to some extent, but doesn't really calm me down when having one of my melt downs. Anyway, I try.

Jammie things seem to be getting from bad to worst but look at this everything bad might pass away and good days ahead for you. I really don't want you to come down on your self. All of us has done that when they're angry. I've done it my self. Keep battling it don't let it get you down. Take care jammie.

I feel like smashing things when I'm angry. I always keep a supply of paper just so I can tear it up if I need to. I still have my exercise books from LOWER SCHOOL!

I've got a punch bag but that didn't stop me from putting a few holes in my bedroom walls. Don't know how the bloody hell I'm going to fill them up because most stuff from B&Q only fills 'cracks'.

This was almost a year ago, so I'll let myself off with it.