A storm really, and I was walking in the middle of it.
An old friend who runs a media school calls me up about taking photos for this upcoming group. I agreed to do it. On the very day I'm supposed to do it I don't feel like doing it much. I just finished watching a movie and didn't feel like going out. But I did force myself to go. I brought in any laundry hanging outside, fed myself and the cats early and I was off.
It started raining a little bit. 'This is piss weak rain' I told it, because it's so common that everyone mocks the rain. A few minutes later it gets heavier and heavier. I was going to take shelter in a video shop because I had two dvds to return. But I was miles away as the rain got very heavy and lightning flashed very closely to me. So every time I saw a lamp post I ran passed it as quickly as I could, because I was paranoid about being struck.
I'm focused on returning the dvds. To hell with the photoshoot, one problem at a time.
By the time I get to the video shop I'm saturated; my hair is sticking to my face and the drops of rain are stinging against my bare legs.
I put the dvd in the shoot and take refuge under the video shops roof. It's a low roof covering a an alley of sorts where cheap videos/dvds are being sold. It's sort of the entrance.
So I'm sitting there dripping wet in shutdown mode. Yeah, this shoot isn't going to happen. My mum calls me but I ignore her and just text her 'in town stuck in the rain, not taking photos.' She recommends I take a cab home. I reject the idea and she laughs (nervously) and tells me she'll be home after 6:30. It's not even 4pm. Argh, I'm stuck there.
The rain eventually stopped but I walked, or rather stormed off home. It took me twice as long because I had a limp and was carrying a soaking wet camera bag. When I was only minutes away from home I threw the camera bag off me and sat of the ground with tears in my eyes. A screwup, I thought to myself, always a screwup. Nothing ever seems to work out for me. Not only had I let my friend down but I let a newspaper down. Never again would I be trusted to do a shoot for them again.
I was in a pretty low mood when I got home. I started to feel sick, either because of my emotions or because I got sick from being in the rain. It was a good excuse when my mum asked if I was ok. She really doesn't know what's going on with me at the moment and I can't bare to tell her. Using illness as an excuse is quite common when I have to get out of shoots. The simple fact was I was depressed and didn't want to do the shoot.
So yeah, I just wanted to rant. I don't really need advice or anything. I just feel like crap right now.
12 Feb 2010, 7:43 am
