Jealousy of NT friends.

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A bit of background. My parents have always been deeply ashamed of my autism and did not get me vocational planning. This is partly because we are immigrants from Asia, where mental illness is considered highly disgraceful. Their friends' kids include multiple Intel award winners. 'Friends' I've had in high school (actually acquaintances, since I can't really connect with people) have gone on to colleges like Johns Hopkins, Columbia, UCLA and Cornell. Many of them are in either medical or law school, or they are artists and musicians who have had successful local shows. Moreover, my brother is NT and attends a local magnet school and has participated in student government, Intel and the like. My roomie is in my boat pretty much as well but he is also not NT (not autistic either but that's beside the point).

I'm in my 5th year at a local public college and am making a low wage of under $20,000 a year, although I worked the hardest and had higher grades/SAT scores than the NT kids I knew, some of whom now work at major companies like Goldman Sachs and AXA. I work 2 PT jobs, tutor and go to school FT. Folks say 'it's amazing you're at college at all'. It doesn't matter when everyone you grew up with / identified with was NT and was able to pass interviews that you couldn't, even folks who spoke English as a second language. I tried going to local autism support groups but felt uncomfortable because they were like 'omg, you should be happy that you have a job', also everyone was like over 40. I've also come out to my Pagan community and they were like 'wow, you've made such great strides'.

But every time I look at want ads for actual career type jobs, such as accounting (my major) my blood runs cold when I see 'well rounded individual wanted', 'social skills networker', 'multi-tasker' because I am the opposite. Or they look for someone who can drive, because my freeze-ups prevent me from doing so and God forbid I have a meltdown in a car.

Now I'm going to see what VESID and a re-diagnosis can do for me. But that doesn't stop the pain. Can anyone commiserate? Thanks. Peace.

Last edited by BlackMetalIstKrieg on 15 Feb 2010, 5:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thanks for the post BlackMetalIsKrieg.

I think there is a dirty little secret about school when you grow up that very few people touch upon in depth; you can outperform a lot of your peers in the classroom while in high school, but if those peers are more naturally neurotypical, then it's going to be that much more difficult to keep pace later on and throughout life. Why? Because in general, they can do the ordinary stuff. For the most part the baseline level stuff is already taken care of. They don't realize this, and don't realize their good fortune imho. But on the flipside, these same people can fall into the trap of being TOO ordinary and have little shot at becoming extraordinary.

Now, I don't mean to sound pessimistic or to foster an "us vs them mindsight" since that is not a healthy thing, I hope no one misunderstands me. But I post here b/c I can sorta relate to this.... I was top 2% graduating class in a large high school, but I would reckon that I am now in the bottom 2% of said class based on a general "where you are in life right now" measurement or poll. I don't feel jealousy as much as I feel resentment and bitterness (and really, maybe these are all the same thing).

The good news is, there is still time and hope. Try not to psych yourself out of applying for jobs when they throw fluff terms around like " 'well rounded individual wanted', 'social skills networker', etc. They are fluff!! Focus on the value that you can provide. Remind yourself that you ARE well-rounded. You write well and sound caring, and if you have the technical expertise then that's half the battle right there. I know it's the hardest thing in the world, but try and stay positive and hang in there. Those people who are in med school or wherever else are NOT better than you or superior than you. No way no how. I know this probably doesn't stop the pain b/c I can relate, but know that there are people out there like myself and others who are rooting for you. Best of luck to you!

Would a re-diagnosis actually help? As far as I am aware, you do not need to diisclose things like autism to employers, so it makes no odds unless you are looking for additional help or concessions.

Perhaps you should take a course on social skills or public speaking? It could allow you to get used to these kind of situations to an extent that you no longer have to avoid jobs which require them. There's no law saying you can't train yourself to be a 'well-rounded' individual.

I can absolutely relate to this in the way that I used to think about this all the time. I finally decided to go into research (as that field requires more of the assets I can provide). I can understand how this makes you feel really bad about your future and career, as you don't really know what to do. Perhaps you could, indeed, be re-diagnosed. Also, wouldn't it be a good idea to look into a career that fits your personality, wants and needs better than the ones advertised in the ads? Just playing with the idea here.

"Would a re-diagnosis actually help? As far as I am aware, you do not need to diisclose things like autism to employers, so it makes no odds unless you are looking for additional help or concessions. "

I'm seeking re-diagnosis to qualify for vocational help, career counseling, and documentation in case anything comes up at work.

"Also, wouldn't it be a good idea to look into a career that fits your personality, wants and needs better than the ones advertised in the ads? Just playing with the idea here."

Not sure how one goes about finding that. I just want to be a simple accountant when I graduate, work 9-5, wear a suit and make over 25k a year. A 401(k) or health care wouldn't hurt either.