Lonely

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I am nearly always the person who calls people and texts them first. When I stop doing this, to see what happens, the friendship falls apart. I mean, I am asking for one little nudge to see if I am okay. Apparently, no one gives a crap if I am still living, sane, or have any desire to be their friend.

I just don't know what to do any more about this. I think it is because I am too high maintenance and people don't know how to take me. Maybe I am selfish or come off as selfish without realizing it.

The only exception to this is my boyfriend.
If he breaks up with me, I am not sure what I will do. Which is a lot of pressure on him. Which means he will probably break up with me.

I need friends STAT and don't know how to make them and/or especially, keep them.

I don't think I am a truly detestable person. I have a good sense of humor and my heart is true. I have good intentions. I just get angry sometimes and can be a little intense for people. And I cry a lot.

Anyone else had this cycle? Anyone else broken it?

Posting in "the haven" because I really can't take a voluntarily insensitive response to this. Otherwise, would post in "social skills".

I am in the exact situation as you. I am a very low-maintenance persion, and very laid-back.

I may be completely wrong, but I think you may be getting a bit too caught up in obsessing over trying to get friends and your desperation may be what is driving people away.

Is there anything you used to enjoy doing by yourself? Keep doing it, and try to take up a part-time volunteer job or an evening course to take your mind off worrying. You will also meet more people in these places, and feel more like an independant, complete person.

Friends shouldn't be your main concern at the moment. I know you may feel like all your problems will be solved if you get a good circle of them, and they can be fun, but it's also hard work as you've found. Focus more on accepting yourself as you are, and you will have less need for other people.

As for your boyfriend, he is with you because he likes you. He is not sick of you, so don't worry. There is no point worrying about a future where he may break up with you; it will not make the heartbreak any easier, just make it occur sooner. Enjoy the time you have with him, but realise you coped before you met him and you will cope afterwards too.

answer; yes I broke the cycle. I stopped caring about toxic friendships and am actually happier than when I stressed about them.

I definitely understand that statement, very well. But, I guess it's the hazards of these forums sometimes. Cynicism and insensitivity seem to be an abundant talent for some.

I wouldn't say that you should give up on finding friends, if they are important to you. But your personality may make it more difficult to find a good one. At least once you do find one and they accept you for who you are, it will be a stronger friendship. You may not be always easy to be around, so the people that end up staying with you really do care about you a lot. Whether that is your boyfriend or just regular friends. I'm sorry that they are putting you through this, but your behavior to me doesn't seem like that would drive me away from you. Maybe they are the ones that are bad friends, not you.

Your post made me cry, in a good way

I've had this a lot. Whenever I've stopped contacting a friend to see if they would contact me, they generally don't. They have other friends who are more into whatever they like to do with their spare time. Partying or whatever. I'm more the laid-back type, which I guess is too boring for them.

Actually, maybe someone can help me with a question in regard to this post.

Let's say I had Borderline Personality Disorder....would I even let the friendship "drop off" without doing something dramatic to get them back? It's become a momentary worry of mine that I might have it.

dramatic to you might just be a monday for someone having bad day, adaptation is the key to making things last. you worry about friends not keeping in touch, try befriending someone who is more dramatic then you are, that way there is always something going on.

just as example i have several people i consider close friends one is a lesbian im helping thru her post honeymoon arguments with her girlfriend. a 35 year old woman post divorce whos ex husband who should be on jerry springer, and my ex-fiance who once forced me to leave at gun point and the days of her lives. it runs up my phone bill but it puts me in perspective with my problems.

if you feel the need hit me up well chat some time

Through my work I know several Borderline's and I would say that they all would react in their own way, not any particular consistent method. But one thing that is rather consistent with them, they seem to only maintain friend relationships when it suits their own purpose. That just may be our patients, but that is my experience so far. From your posts you do not seem that way, you seem to very much care about people.