Why would things get harder rather than easier? (Loneliness)

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I'm having some serious trouble coping with who and how I am at the moment.

I'm finding that my relationships with friends, work colleagues, family and my recent girlfriend (who's since left me) are getting worse and worse!

I'm so tired of trying to keep up with them all and how much harder I have to work at something as simple as a conversation.

Perhaps I'm trying too hard, I don't know, but I've realised I don't really have any close friends at the moment.

I'm there for my family but they've all got their own problems right now and I can't seem to get my head around it enough to really be included and try to help.

My workmates just do not seem to get me one bit. I can tell they think I'm a bit weird because that's one look I've seen often enough on peoples faces to know how to read it.

On top of this after 8 months single and realizing I'm ready to pluck up the courage and try to meet someone again it's like all of a sudden I can't brave things that I'd taught myself to brave before (pubs/clubs, etc) and definitely can't talk to anyone that I don't already know at least kind of well, seriously I just outright ignore them sometimes even if they say hello to me. I went to a club with my single friends for valentines the other day and just ended up sitting there alone with my beer while they were off dancing and meeting girls. They tried to get me involved but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

I'm becoming more and more of a recluse (and in all honesty I think that's why my last girlfriend left me) and less and less interested in even trying to interact with the outside world.

It's really getting me down, I'm feeling pretty starved for connection but I'm just so tired of trying. Can anyone offer any suggestions?

Oh and I'm an Aspie if you're wondering.

Im in a similar situation. Id say just be yourself . . . remember that an NTs way of doing things isnt necessarily going to work for you too. Hell, a bar/club is probably one of the worst places for us given crowds, noise, and the overall sense of chaos. Need some background on where you work/what to do to get a sense of the scenario . . . you may want to try online dating first (has a 20% success rate atm and it probably better than doing something you're uncomfortable with). Ive lived alone 4 years (before having to move in with parents so i know the loneliness aspect all too well) but taking on a relationship is a whole new beast (from what ive seen). Are you trying to get into a relationship because of your friends, or is it the companionship you know you need?

Well I'm a musician, so clubs and pubs don't necessarily make me uncomfortable, but it's a lot easier when you're there to play and don't have time to talk to people I guess. I have been told that I can be quite rude to people who try to talk to me after gigs, but music is my obsession and I can't get my head out of it when I'm there to play.

Work wise I do tech support for a company that provides music video systems for pubs and clubs. Basically it's a very small call centre but the entire company is in the one small building so I talk to people from all different jobs in the company. Everyone at my work is very cool but also very intelligent and they can sense that there's something not quite right about me I think. I sit in my corner and do my job well, but I also have a bad habit of getting "into the zone" when I'm working and can get a bit cranky if I'm interrupted. Then when I do try to make the effort to talk to people it's always awkward (especially when they jump me with a conversation and I'm not prepared).

Online dating used to work for me, but lately they seem to be picking up things about me even over the internet. It's like my aspergers has gone into overdrive for some reason!

I want a relationship for the companionship. I don't do very well with friends, but when there's only one person I really need to focus on I tend to do better and really enjoy having someone to bounce off and to try to connect with. I've been told that I'm actually a pretty great partner, except for when I start to withdraw from things.

Well, not quite sure how to go about this (its new to me since i didnt receive a dx until 2008) but if you've been with your company/co workers for a while (3+ months or so) and you find yourself close to some (and you could consider them workplace friends), it might be a good idea to let them know about your neural difference. How you would do that i dont know (since im none too familiar, nor experienced with it). Or, you could try to explain certain aspects without letting on to the dx (which is something i do): for example, if the subject of a club comes up, the others mention why they want to go (small talk scenario) and i mention my sensory issues (which theyre more likely to understand as opposed to saying you have a mild form of autism). Also, when they say you're being rude, just apologize and mention that the situation has a tendency to make you feel stressed and drained. Otherwise, giving them a full disclosure of your difference is a double-edged sword . . . take your time and make sure you know when and when not to mention something. In time, you might be able to disclose without worry of losing your position.

Well I don't think I'd lose my position regardless thanks to equal opportunity employment, but my worry is that people knowing could be even worse than them just thinking I'm a bit weird. Guess I just have to make a decision one way or the other with that.

I think I need to go and find an aspie support group somewhere, I can't do this alone anymore, it's really getting to me.

Thanks for the answers, I was quite upset when I posted this.

Not a problem, and good luck finding a group. I found mine via one of this state's case management companies (got a flier for it through them). Its likely going to be a mono-gendered group (males only or females only), but you never know. Its enough to get your foot in the door, so to speak.