broke up with my "good friend"

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Got tired of him constantly obessing on other women and such. It was making me feel really badly about myself.
I will still be his friend...just not gonna sleep with him any more.
Am feeling rather poorly at the moment for it.
I do love him..

I also threw a tantrum because I was filming stuff that I wasn't supposed to be filming last night and got reprimanded for it...But I didn't know I wasn't supposed to be filming..there were no signs or any sort of disclaimer....so I got mad and made them several signs that they might post in the future.

Is this your ASish friend?

Yeah...

There has been this really sexy lady who has been coming around and they have been flirting with each other for weeks...he sez he just wants to have sex with her...no big deal...but I am just not able to hang with it. She flirts with everyone..she also slept with my other partner on Thanksgiving night and her young daughter had to sleep in my room with me...
I am tired of dating...I hate myself for being jealous and posessive...All I have done is hold him back and smother him. He needs to move on...I need to be alone.

I see you as someone who's every day life equals overload, so I think eliminating an area of stress is a good idea. There seems to be no separation between your life and your job. Hope things get better.

He was one of the few things that actually made me happy.

So I guess you're feeling ambivalent? One thing I've discovered in life is quitting a person can be like quitting an addiction. I don't know what's best for you but personally I couldn't handle a poly situation. I can't handle one for that matter.

I have said for a while, that I would eventually just end up being platonic with everyone....My feelings for my main partner are pretty much platonic, though I do love him...
My feelings for my friend were not platonic...but it has been hurting me and I need to get away from him...I just can't handle it.

It is going to be rough...he has been a major focus for me for a long time..but I am holding him back from stuff...and smothering him...and he needs to go off on his own where he can be himself without hurting me.

Well, the reason I mentioned the addiction thing is I know how it feels to think you can't manage without, but in time you discover you can. It just takes time. Of course that's easy for me to say, I know.

I just need to focus on art and music and thats that..
I have been used by manfolk since I was 5, and I just can't deal with the way that relations between men and women work anymore.....
I denounce my gender/sexuality...
I have issues that are worse than I like to think they are...
I hate having jealousy turn me into a monster...

I am not a breeder...

I need to find better things to do with my brain....body....etc....

I want to start painting again too. But for now I'm going to take a nap.

Is your avatar one of your paintings?

I wanna start making sock creatures again, but for now, I have a ton of cleaning to do...

No, that's Odilon Redon. I haven't painted in a long time. I have a hard time getting started but once I do I become obsessed.

I am currently unable to focus on my main obsession...and it is annoying....

I am sooooooooo

busy right now...

I have also been talking a whole lot, for some reason...to people I hardly ever talk to.

It is weird...but slightly positive....

things are better for now....it is hard to "break up" with true friends....