Constant (Nearly Uncontrollable) Day Dreaming/Maring?

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I was reading through a bunch of posts this evening, and found one person who said they often daydream a lot, to the point of preoccupation. This is something that I do fairly regularly, but given specific circumstances, it can escalate to become quite the problem.

For myself, I believe it began as a defense mechanism after the worst social experience of my youth (and life, thus far), in that I began to (involuntarily) daymare worst-case scenarios in regard to friends, school, family, etc, as a means to be prepared for such an event. Of course, things rarely turn out anywhere near what I imagine in these invented scenarios, so it always seemed like I'm getting a bonus or something. Except I'm not... During the time between when the daymare presents itself, and when I learn that the reality of the situation fares far better than that, I am emotionally responding to the worst-case scenario. And that often means teetering near the point of depression.

It affects many (if not all) aspects of my life, but I am now beginning to incorporate it into a romantic relationship (which I have done before, and it didn't end well). What usually happens is after a two to three-week period of daydreaming about the person (with positive tones to the dreams), I will reach this point where suddenly I begin to worry about everything and anything. (I am a worry-wart by nature, and definitely have a strong tendency to analyze everything to death.)

At this point, I will have come to develop a "habit," if you will, in thinking about the person frequently... The only difference being that the context of the daydreams flips around, and they then become what I refer to as "daymares." I will imagine scenarios where they tell me that they don't want to see me anymore, or that they've found someone else, etc. I begin to get almost paranoid that they are getting overwhelmed with the amount of interest/affection I demonstrate for them, and that they will, as a result, begin to avoid me. I think about all these things repeatedly, until I begin to distort my perceptions enough to start "validating" the thoughts. I will literally convince myself of these things (similar to how affirmations work, though these tend to be a little less helpful ).

I have a few ideas of self-talk, and distracting myself with my interests, etc in an attempt to stop this behavior, but wondered if anyone else suffers the same (or similar) tendencies, and has found ways to manage it for themselves? (Even to some degree). I have been putting a lot of work into this, and plan to increase my efforts in managing it even more. Of course, it has been a problem for me for a long time, but I cannot let this cost me this particular relationship. I will never be able to forgive myself if it does. Plus, it's just about time to nip it in the bud.

I can totally relate, I'm in a fairly stable relationship, but I constantly worry about what people think of me and it impedes my ability to make friends. I get a persecution complex, which is a ridiculous thing to have. I sometimes imagine that I'll loose my job too. Intellectually I know I shouldn't worry, the best thing is to let it be. Emotionally, I'm fixated, and its hard to let go.

I'm glad to hear that you were able to find a stable relationship! Gives me a little hope. The "bad ending" I referred to in past relationships of my own was where the person didn't understand where my worries came from. They would find it strange, incomprehensible, and they considered it to be a burden... Thinking that I needed constant validation from them. Which frankly, I don't know if it would have made a difference! It's just a habit, tendency, whichever, of my own that I sometimes can lose control of.

As you said, I am intellectually aware that I shouldn't worry, since it does no good, and in fact it can cause quite a bit of harm, but it is hard to let go of the fixation. Sometimes I think I'm having a good daydream, until it suddenly turns round on me!

It helps to hear that someone else can relate. I've always doubted that other people would have this issue, or at least not to the same extent as myself. Have you ever found any coping mechanisms, or ways to discourage yourself from engaging in the thought process?

Oh, I'm working on that right now. Therapy and medication. So far not so good experience with medication. Might be a lifelong process. Good luck.

I can say im quite easily distracted and tend to wander into my own thoughts quite alot its annoying at the worst of times when i really have to concentrate and im off somwhere else inside my own head

I guess its a matter of concentration and strong will on the task at hand maybe im not sure i tend to do this more ofeten when i dont have as much sleep as usual but then again i think thats just called being sleepy