Grandparent passing, yet feeling nothing

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Well, my grand mother (last grandparent i had, father's mother) died a couple Sundays ago and I honestly dont feel much for her loss. She had pretty much made an enemy of my family in the last few years of her life and I honestly dont know what to think. I honestly can't cry for her loss since the original person she used to be died a while back (her persona did a complete 180 for unknown reasons, save perhaps the loss of her last husband and remarrying a few years later). She had managed to single-handedly insult my mother, both brothers, sister-in-law, and myself and eventually my father got a bit of flak too . . .

Has anyone else had this lack of feeling for the passing of those who had offended you when they were alive?

I'm sorry about your loss.

Anyways, I was the same way, when my grandma on my dad's side passed away, in 96. She was fine, until 91, and than she turned on everybody. That's probably the reason that my family didn't go t see her, past the Summer of 1990.

Yes. I felt nothing when my dad's mother passed away, because she did have somewhat of a tendency to criticize me, especially about my appearance. I feel guilty about it now because, in retrospect, I was far more sensitive to her criticisms than I ever should have been.

both my granddads died, my dads dad died first, he was cool, i felt nothing

my moms dad i was very close to, he tought me a lot, and i could always talk w him, and i felt nothing. it seemed like a natural thing. you shouldnt be worried about it.

often times a form of dementia can cause people's personality to radically change.

I can relate to this. All of my grandparents have departed but I didn't feel much at the times of passing. Not sure why, I just don't grieve the same way most people do... I felt bad because I wasn't really experiencing the same emotions to the rest of my family. I had a good relationship with all of my grandparents though so this differs somewhat to your situation.

I applaud you, sir. But then, why do you think you should feel at a loss for this? Or rather, why are you announcing that your grandma died + you don't have an emotional response? Do you care she died?

Thats just it . . . she spent the last few years of her life pissing my immediate family off without any reason. On one hand, Im glad i dont have to deal with her giving my family grief, but on the other hand I dont know if i should just forgive her (post-humously, sp?), forget her outright, or feel some level of sorrow for her passing. I look back, and there has only been one passing that actually struck a nerve and that was the passing of my mother's mother when i was 8 years old. My dad's stepfather passed when i was 20 but i didnt really feel anything for his passing either (havent told my parent's that). Admittedly, my father's parents never really involved themselves in my family's life save to take advantage of certain perks, so i guess that explains some of the emotional detachment (among other things).

My Grandma passed away when I was 7 years old. That was 21 years ago now. Everyone in my family was scared to tell me because we had been so close. I loved her very much, and we spent alot of good times together baking and so on, but when my mum told me she had died I was sitting at the dining table colouring in. I remember it vividly, but I didn't feel anything. I didn't react and I have never had a reaction to it. I don't know why. I knew that she was going to die and I expected the news to a certain degree. She had lived on for a year longer than I had expected. My mother always thought it strange that I didn't react (Although I never saw her react to it either) I didn't feel anything.

My step-grandmother died about 10 years ago and I felt absolutely nothing. Actually that is not exactly true, I was kinda glad she was gone. She was horrible to us kids and not that much nicer to the adults and in her final years when the dementia hit, she tried to kill my grandfather first with a knife and then tried to smother him with a pillow.

When it comes time for my grandfather to go (and I'm surprised he is still around) and I likely will not feel anything as I am not close to him. He believes that women are not intelligent enough to hold a conversation with and the one and only time he spoke to me about anything other than hello, how are you was after I graduated with my science degree and he wanted my opinion on my uncle's bone cancer.

Even though they are family, if you are not close to them, you shouldn't feel obliged to grieve their passing.

My grandmother on my mothers side, I didn't even know what she looked like amd she was a horrible person according to my mother.

Not to mention that she lied for around 40 years to her husband about her age AND got away with it. All her funeral information was wrong.

A great-uncle of mine passed away nearly 2 years ago, and I felt nothing because I was never close to him, as I've only seen him 3 times in my life, and only as an adult. I didn't even go to the funeral, as I wasn't close enough to him to feel like going.

My grandma died a few months ago and I didn't feel anything. But we weren't close. Never really were close, but in primary I used to go there once a week after school. These last few years I still saw her on birthdays, but she was demented and not really a "person" anymore.

I don't think I'm going to feel anything when my remaining grandpa's pass, though, even though they don't have dementia. I just don't feel connected with them.

I feel kinda bad now, everyone else seems to be writing "I didn't feel anything, but then we weren't close." I was close to my Grandma. My parents aren't the most sensible people and my Grandma was the only one with common sense enought to buy my shoes. After she died it was a fight for me to get what I needed. I remember one year I had a pair of sandals and a pair of boots. It was maybe around June so the weather was too warm for boots, but it kept raining so I couldn't wear my sandals.

But you already knew she was going to die? Maybe you had already kind of let go?

You don't have to feel bad about it, the only reason people cry about losing someone is because THEY can't be with them anymore. They don't really cry for the person who died. Dying isn't too bad on its own, it's the consequence of missing someone that makes people cry. If you don't cry, that doesn't mean you don't (or didn't) care for them.

Well, there was an upside to me not going at least . . . seems it would have been crowded, noisy, obnoxious, etc due to one of my dad's siblings and i probably would have had a meltdown. From all i heard about it, the whole thing was odd and done cheaply (supposedly, my grandmother looked horrible and the funeral service was second rate in its attempts to display her) . . . she died of a form of lung cancer associated with smoking (in case i forgot to mention, she only quit smoking in the last decade or so after 40+ years of it).