I talk too much...

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When I post I tend to run on; sometimes I think what I write is offensive to people. I worry that I'm not making a very good impression. That and I am opinionated and I tend to sound too pseudo-intellectual in my posts. I don't know. I guess I am just feeling hopeless. I'm tired of feeling isolated. I'm tired of being alone. I feel trapped. I am happiest when I dream. But I always have to wake up.

I wish I still had the hope I used to have. I wish I still believed in things like heaven, and soulmates and destiny and other fanciful ideaologies. My reality has become so stark that life hardly seems to matter anymore. Listening to music and reading/posting on these forums seems to be all my life amounts to anymore. I feel dead somehow, its hard to describe. It is unlike any feelings of depression I have ever felt before. I just feel....numb. Life has become a ritual with no meaning. I try to find meaning but I can't nothing makes sense anymore. I think I have lost my zeal for life. I think that, for lack of better words; I have lost my soul. I feel empty. I wish I could sleep and dream forever. I wish I could just...fade away. This conscious nothingness...

I don't feel sad...I feel empty.

I suppose that is sort of sad. What's happening to me?

I talk too much....

I need to sleep.

Hi Namazu,

I remember feeling that way myself for a time...not fun, I know.

I pulled myself out of it when I found something personally, CONCRETELY meaningful in this life: in my case, what I ended up studying in grad school.

If you can remember anything that you once felt passionate about, even a little bit, try to find that same passion again.

I hope this doesn't sound trite/dismissive. That is what genuinely helped me.

Take care. Please keep posting--that's why we're all here.