I need a pep talk to try new social situation

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My therapist has been encouraging me to find some ways to socialize via my special interests. I am terribly lonely.

Only problem is that it causes me so much anxiety to the point of feeling nauseated and crying. I am anxious because I have endured so many rejections by people. (I don't currently have medication for this, but previous trials with Xanax, Ativan, etc., have proven they are completely ineffective for me.)

I enjoy knitting, and it's true that some knitters might even share some Aspie obsessive traits. I don't have a lot of detailed knowledge about knitting because the friend who taught me moved away only a few short months after she taught me. But it *should* be a welcoming environment for me to try socializing.

The knitting group meeting is soon. I really want to go this time and give it a shot. Last time I planned to go, even started a knitting project, but chickened out. Actually I wanted to go something like 6 months ago way before I know about AS, but I chickened out then, too.

Just tell me I can do it and I'll be OK. I need to hear it - a lot.

You can do it! Just think how proud you will feel when you fight your fears and go!

When faced with social situations, I feel the same way as you - nauseous, crying, I even tremble - but then when I force myself to do it anyway, I feel so proud of myself! Even if I end up saying something stupid or act inappropriately, overall I still feel like I succeeded because I tried. I conquered a fear, even briefly. And, as much as I expected it to, nothing dire happened.

So just try it, there is nothing to lose and a lot to gain.

Also, in my experience, knitting groups are friendly and awesome. So let me know how it goes! What are you going to knit?

(I bolded the important "pep talk" bits. You can ignore the rest if you like. )

You can do it!

You'll have to do a follow up after you go so we know how it went.

Try to be open, welcoming, and confident. You can be if you really want to! I know it may seem impossible, but you will find the more you practice it, the better you become. Just for the past 2 weeks I kept trying to have that attitude, and more people talked to me than in the past 12 months of misery and anger.

Take deep breaths in through your nose when you start to feel anxious and think of something that makes you happy. That's what I always try to do. The breathing always calms me down. I don't even try to engage in the conversation with other people, just sit there with a positive attitude and it seems like people sense it and will be more open to you.

SamwiseGamgee said there is nothing to lose and a lot to gain and it's totally true. It's worth trying even if you don't make any friends. Little by little your confidence will grow.

Have fun!! !

The vast majority of social groups based around an interest are fantastic & full of really helpful people. If you go to the knitting group and tell people you are a beginner and need a hand learning new skills, I'm positive you will get people lining up to help you. People love sharing their knowledge (and it is kinda a very Aspie thing to do as well).

Make a deal with yourself that if you hate it after 30 minutes, you give yourself permission to leave. If that does happen (although I doubt it), don't beat yourself up. Feel proud that you actually went instead of chickening out.

Also, if the knitting group has an online forum or email group, see if you can join that first so you can get to know the members online before meeting them in person. This really helps me with social anxiety, because you don't feel like you are walking into a room of complete and utter strangers.

You can do it. Go go go. You can do it. I am rooting for you.

I ALWAYS feel nausea before I go out to any kind of social event. I never go out socially without drinking alcohol because I find it too anxiety provoking but I don't think that drinking at a knitting group will be socially acceptable! At least if you are really into knitting at least you know that you don't have to make small talk and you will have something to talk about.

You should make a plan beforehand what you will do if you feel overwhelmed, so either go to the loo or go outside and pretend to make a phone-call or have a cigarette or something, basically just have a strategy for getting a few moments space if you get one of those moments where you really don't know what to say.

And if it's really bad then just say you've got a headache or something and leave... but I doubt it will be that bad! Good luck

Go on GO GO GO. You should take all the opportunities you can to find a good social life. There's nothing worse than being lonely, so overcome those fears and get out there and join that knitting thing.

Give it a go. Deep breaths are good, it gives your brain more oxygen, this helps you be less stressed. As another poster said, if you don't feel comfortable after 30 min or so, you don't have to stay.

Although, if you like knitting, you'll probably have a great time. People like being able to share their skills.

You can do it, Athenacapella! Don't be afraid! And let us know, how was it

Well ... I did it! There were about a dozen people there.

Thanks for all the encouraging words -- and TIPS! I would not have thought of using the excuse to go to the bathroom to get away from sensory overload.

I managed to put my foot in my mouth in the first 10 minutes by insulting the type of project someone was working on without first checking to see if anyone was working on it. But I think I recovered nicely by telling her later in the evening when she got farther on it that hers looked so perfect, I didn't realize it could look so nice, and that it looked nothing like when I tried that type of project. And maybe someday she could give me some pointers. Whew.

I made a couple of jokes that people laughed at, and one woman thanked me for coming.

Only at one point did I get overloaded because two groups of people were talking, and I couldn't discern a voice to follow any one person, so that's when I went to get some water. When I came back, it wasn't a problem.

So I think I will try going back (maybe ). Fortunately it's not next week so I have some time to recover.

Congrats! Sounds like you had fun, I'm glad!

I think it's great, that you took a chance and had fun.

I'm happy that it worked out for you.