I don't understand apologies

Post Reply New Topic

In the neurotypical world, you can do horrible things, say "I am sorry", and be forgiven.

I will never understand this.

It was a Christian thing, because Jesus was innocent and got the death penalty
and said "Father forgive them, because they don't know what they are doing".

It is also a matter of common sense in society (or used to be).

If every mistake was immediately punished, even accidents, then everyone
would have beat each other to death a long time ago. Nobody's perfect.

But forgiving is called mercy, and is given to the remorseful,
those who know they made a bad mistake and care about who they hurt
and wish that they haven't and don't ever want to hurt someone again. Such
people are sorry / remorseful and care enough to pay for their mistake
if they must, but forgiveness is when the apology is accepted instead
of punishment because love is better than punishment in such situations.

If someone always hurts you and then apologizes,
they are lieing and they are not really sorry and they don't deserve to be forgiven.
You really have to be an angel to forgive that kind of person.

If you understand "sorry" to mean "wretched", and if you understand "apology" to mean "explanation", it is easy to have compassion for people who just spoke truth they would likely not have spoken if they had known what they were actually saying.

But overall, I agree with you: A self-admission of wretchedness is not always sufficient for inducing forgiveness.

Lots of people do things they regret, and offering an apology is the right thing to do. But offering an apology does not automatically bring forgiveness. Lots of apologies have gone unforgiven.

Forgiveness is a gift you may chose give to someone who apologizes, or you may withold the gift of forgiveness. Are you a giver or a taker?

I believe apologies should be given as at least an acknowledgment of wrong-doing, intentional or not...

I am so glad you brought this up. I have always had difficulty apologizing. I know what it is to be regretful that I have done something, and I can say that. This, to me, is the most specific and sincere way to let someone know that you wish you hadn't done whatever it was. Saying "sorry" or any equivalent of that should not be means for forgiveness. It doesn't change much to know that the other person wishes they hadn't done it. I agree with ValMikeSmith.
People who hurt you and apologize are lying.

I didn't mean always, I meant if they did it again.
Mistakes and accidents happen not on purpose, even with nice people.

That's probably an important clarification

I dunno about you but you'd be surprised at how unforgiving people are over the smallest things.

In a perfect world, it would be easier for me if people can just forgive if you say "sorry".

Now I have to accept that "sorry" is just a formal thing you're required say (regardless of whether or not you are) when someone is upset with you or to condole someone. You should expect to get nothing from it when using this around neurotypicals.

They dont give two sh*ts if you have a different outlook on the matter.

Apologizing is BS. When i make a social faux pas, I'm expected to offer an apology. When someone else deliberately does something negative to me, somehow an apology is never in order.