Why does no one believe/understand me???

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I'm just done with the s**t that is going on at my house...my mom is making me go nuts, she is pressuring me to get a job...now I understand why, but it is very irrational, she thinks I just go out and get 1, just like that, so each day that goes by and I don't have one it gets worse...my mom basically belittles me and I feel like a ret*d everyday with things she says...here is an example:

I went to take out the garbage, the can was at the end of the driveway and was empty since the garbage people came earlier that day. I carried the bag down, put it in, and rolled the garbage can to it's place on the side of my house. My mom said I had no "common sense" because I should have put the bag down where the can would end up instead of brining it down the driveway...what is the problem with that?

So that turned into one thing and led to the next, typical of my mother as she takes a petty thing and turns it into a 30 min. verbal beatdown about how I'm not normal, I'm 18 and don't have a job, this is the thanks I get, etc...

My mom has been saying everyday how I quit my first job within 2 weeks because it was too demanding and spontaneous for me to do...I honestly felt very uncomfortable and could barely make it through 4 hr. shifts...I have tried to explain to my mom that I could possibly have Asperger's and she doesn't believe me + says that even if you go to the doctor "What are they going to do?"

How can I explain this...I feel like I have too much pressure on me and I am at the end of my rope...is AS very misunderstood?, do you believe I should get checked out?, and how does the doctor help?, give me examples so I can use it next time my mom uses that line.

I do try to find a job, not every single day but I'm trying, but for example every time I hang out with my friends, I get the "You should be looking for a job, instead of this." line.

I feel like my home is not a home anymore (see below), what should I do in my position?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Lio5M3E4Iw[/youtube]

I do not know of any quick solution for your dilemma, but I do know your mother's concern for you is not it.

The thing that has changed in your house is you: You are no longer a juvenile and your mother knows she will not be around to provide for you for your entire life.

Find some volunteer work to occupy a good share of your free time while you are still looking for a paying job, then keep looking on a daily basis and keep your mother posted along the way ... and I would bet her fears soon begin to subside.

It helps to know because you can understand why and how you think, which is differently than an NT. That is why after 28 years of me being "weird" I went and finally got a Dx. It's helped me to understand that "normal" solutions to problems/ ways of thinking don't seem to work for me. It's helped me be a better mom and an all around more functional person. If I had known this 10 years ago I would have done WAY better in college. Not to mention I would have gotten official help/resources from my school. I would try and get a job doing something you like or somewhere that isn't going to bother you as much as your last job.

I'm sorry your mom is so verbally abusive. She sounds like my mom My relationship with my mom didn't get better until long after I left home. Just ignore her and start planning an escape. That's what I had to do.

You may have to "prove it" to her, allow her to
see the "iglier" side of you, allow her to see
a rage that she causes you to have.

If she loves you, she would understand that
these things are too hard.

Maybe it might not be you, it might be that
society is blocking you like they always have
me?

I don't know, but I th*t Iw ood th*t that out
as a idea.

Quite simply, you should bring up the fact that you are in community college now and that it is difficult for you to juggle both the new classes at school, social life (always difficult), and a job. If she won't relent, bring up the option of a part-time job (10 hours a week maybe) to start to see if that will appease her.

Also: What happened to your job at Stewart's? You were supposed to be starting there last month.

I hope that things improve for you. I care about you.

Yeah, that's the job I stopped...can't say the word quit...I don't like to think of myself as one, but it was the 8th busiest Stewart's out of the 200 or so stores they have and with just 3 people working, it was too stressful...I had to pick up the inititave and learn what to do next but there was just too many things to do whether it be make coffee, refill stuff, cashier.
The only thing I liked was stocking the freezer and the milk and drinks...I would ask to do just that but that's the problem there...you don't just do one thing, even the manager does cashier, stocking, etc...

And you were doing that PLUS college?!? Even if job or school was part-time, you're still being asked to juggle just as much (if not more) than some who aren't even on the spectrum! Seems like expectations for you are extremely high. That can be a good thing, of course, but if you find yourself hitting a "hard" limit, please take some time to try talking to her about it during a "calm" time. Don't talk when you guys are mad or "in the mix" but choose your own time after doing something like making her dinner.

Hang in there, bro!

I think as long as money isn't a real issue in your house, you should be allowed focus on your study.

Perhaps you should ham up your workload a bit so she gives you a break (3 hour homework assignments etc...)

That's a painful position to be in. I'm sorry you're going through this.

I obviously don't know your mother, but from the bit you wrote it sounds like she does have your best interest at heart. She is just going about it all wrong. So many people make the mistake of thinking that criticizing and pointing out everything someone is doing wrong will get them to change their habits. It doesn't work like that. What it does is kill self esteem, emotionally beat you down. What's worse is that all those negatives are naturally repeated in our own heads if our parents have done that and we get a double whammy of beating ourselves up. That's not good. It does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to motivate someone.

If your mom is open minded enough to understand that concept, I would suggest that you pick a time when there is no tension or conflict and sit down with her and explain that you care about your life as well, reassure her that you haven't given up. She's probably afraid that you will not do well in life, if you are a quitter. It's a very common fear. She wants you to be strong and succeed and so she is afraid for you. Reassure her that you ALSO want to succeed. Then explain to her that you would appreciate some positive feedback. That positive feedback and compliments help you to be the way she wants WAY, WAY, WAY more than criticism. One compliment goes so far.

If you don't think your mom will be open to that, or maybe not yet, go ahead and do this for yourself. You need to replace all that negativity with good stuff about yourself. Make a list of positives about yourself. Type it up and repeat it to yourself. Put it up where you can see it every day like by your computer desk or a bulletin board if you have one, even the fridge. Seeing that you are making an effort will give your mom the message.

Also make yourself a schedule and devote a certain amount every day to your job search. Think of your job search as a part time job that you are the boss of. Itemize what you need to do to find something that you would be happy with. Check off that list of things you've done and even show it to your mom to reassure her. If she knows you are taking control of your life and making an effort, I have a feeling that will lesson her worrying and freaking out and nagging you considerably.

Once the big issue is being taken care of, she will most likely not be so nit picky about how you do chores like the garbage. If she's just naturally one of those nit picky people, then next time I would suggest forcing yourself to smile or laugh it off and say "It got done, even if it was outside of the box."

Good luck

WE'VE GOT TO BE TWINS.
Seriously my mom treats me the exact same way, I never feel like I do anything right. Not to mention, what my dad said to me in fourth grade, the night before I was tested for ADD (which it wasn't). He said in the most condescending tone, "Get to bed, you've got an appointment with a psychologist tomorrow." He might as well have said, "If you have a mental disorder, than that's wrong and you are no son of mine." I could quote my parents on so many ways they blatantly tell me that what I am is not what they want.
Anyway, just knowing someone else is there that knows how it feels helps a lot. That's why I'm on this website...