Life sucks...

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I don't want to be in my relationship any more but I don't want it to end either. I want my husband to be the accepting tolerant person he was when we met. I can't have that. He's changed. I haven't. I try to distract myself with work and my special interests during the day but when I'm successful at that I just end up waking up at 2 or 3 AM and obsessing makes it impossible to get back to sleep. I have 3 kids and considering leaving has been very hard on me because of them.

Please, no posts about how I should be tolerant of him or how I should try harder. I have tried and he doesn't see it for whatever reason.\

~Kate

It seems to me that you know what you need. If it's not working and you've tried, then it's ok to split up. Unhappy parents can make for unhappy kids. If you feel this is best for you, consider how to get to where you want to be.

Have you talked with him about how you feel? Maybe he is not aware that his attitude has changed. Maybe he is very stressed as well, due to kids or work etc.

Oh, he's aware. His attitude is "I grew up, you didn't". He hates it when I point out that he knew who I was when he married me, and he sidesteps that and says "It's not 'who you are' it's what you do". But many of the things he has a problem with are related to having AS. I'd give anything to be able to change them, but I can't. I have tried...very hard. He doesn't believe I have, but I have.

Communicating about emotional matters is one of the issues we have. It's very hard for me.

Most ppl whom I've discussed this with (very few) tell me I just need to get out, but I am afraid of change. I am afraid of having to deal with everything on my own. I am smart and capable enough, I know intellectually, but to actually feel that capable is another thing.

~Kate

im in the same boat cant decide to leave. if i didn't have my baby daughter i wud have done it sooner. each time we argue and then mention aspergers its oh here we go again. if i accept her faults why cant she accept mine. we are engaded but i feel i will be trapped if she doesnt understand this aspergers then more arguments will be. but its not fair on the baby and when she grows up what then. thers no i in team. thers so much advise but at the end of the day we have to make the disition. al the best luck .

Thanks. If I had no children I probably would have left quite some time ago (we've been married over 25 years, got married quite young). Unless something changes I don't see this working out in any event, but I really do hope I can handle it till my youngest daughter is a little older (she's 9). It is so depressing to be criticized all the time for things you "should" be able to do but can't.

~Kate

How young is young? If you were only in your teens, then maybe your husband did just grow up. I'm not saying you're wrong for not changing, but it is unusual. At that age many people's personalities haven't set yet (hell, I'm not the same person I was 6 months ago!) so maybe your adult husband is not the man for you, even though as a younger person he was?

Your daughter's probably old enough to know there's friction between the pair of you, so perhaps in this case the kindest thing to do would be to part on 'friendly' terms and keep up good communication?

We've been together since we were 18, married since we were 20. And I'm not saying I haven't changed *at all*, just not in any important ways. Like at first accepting someone the way they are, and then later being hateful because they don't change. And if he changed that much, it is certainly possible that, not being the same person he was when he was younger, we're not compatible any more. But it feels like the person I loved died and was replaced by someone who doesn't like me and tries to make me change to suit him.

My kids know there's friction but I try to be positive with them....the only one I am concerned about is my youngest one because the older two (16 and 12) would understand that relationships don't work out sometimes.

~Kate