Marriage/Kids=100% happiness?

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I feel so left out of my family. Mom's side of the family is huge. All of my cousins (15 of them) are married and have children and have great careers except for me. (Yes I'm the worthless loser. Dad's family is much smaller. I only have one cousin. When families get together I get so sad. Everyone has no issues with communication at all. I wish I can be normal and talk normal and be comfortable in social situations. I wonder if marriage and children=100% life long happiness. To be able to give my parents a grandchild and son in law. I'm nothing. I just wish I was never born. I'm an embarrassment. All of mom's friends have son in laws, daughter in laws and grandchildren. How awful mom must feel to not have anyone call her grandma. How awful dad feels that he has no one to call him grandpa. I'm hopeless.

Considering divorce rates in the US are as high as they are, probably the secret to happiness is not married with kids, for some. More like, married to the right person, if you even want to be married, have a stable relationship enough to handle financial crises (at home, because that is a relationship-killer,) then have a stable enough relationship to have kids. I mean, is that how you set your standards for yourself? If you really want a hubby and children...

Marriage and kids won't make you happy. Marriage is stressful and work, kids are even more stressful and even more work, plenty of people are married with kids and miserable. More important to be happy with yourself and accept yourself for who you are then try to live up to what society considers important, in my opinion. Too many damn kids on the planet anyway

How exactly do you divide a marriage by kids?
Maybe I get it, marriage divided by kids sounds funny.

Not all marriages are happy and having kids doesn't always make you happy. Even having kids doesn't always fix the relationship issues.

What makes you think she wants that? I dread the first time in my life somebody calls me 'grandpa'. I'll want to kill myself. I hope I die before anybody even thinks that's an appropriate thing to call me.

An overly harsh assessment. Millions of people would disagree completely.

To the original poster ... nothing is guaranteed to bring you "100% happiness". No one gets out of this life without at least some suffering. That's just the nature of life.

Children can be a source of great joy and satisfaction. So can a career. So can a life of service. To consider yourself a "failure" because you have no children is to misinterpret the nature of both happiness and failure.

Happiness is not the ability to fulfill the expectations of others. Happiness is the ability to meet your own challenges and the ability to love and be loved. More easily said than done, obviously. Everyone has to find their own course. You won't find it in internet forums, however. Do the best you can with what you have.

I meant to say Marriage and kids=100% happiness.

Some family members do look down me because I'm single and have no children and still live at home. I have no social life so I get picked on more too.

marriage and kids do not = 100% happiness. Some people find it wonderful, some find it miserable, and some find it VERY hard but love it (like me). Luckily I found a man who is very much like me (we both have AS).

Anyway, we are happy- but our lives are very stressful. If we were not in love and didn't respect each other as friends we wouldn't stand a chance. I have many friends who either do not have sig. others or, even if they do they do not want kids. Most are happy. One needs to be happy with themselves before they should think about being happy with someone else. It sounds like you really aren't happy with yourself and that is sad. Everyone has good qualities and you shouldn't let others get you down. I have a similar family situation and pretty much ALL of them can't stand me. To them I am "snobby" because I speak formally/seem guarded/not very emotionally expressive.I used to get upset about how I was the "weird" one according to them. I decided a few years ago that I just didn't care about them anymore. I go to family things when I have to and I am polite. That's it.

As for the marriage and kids thing, our society puts WAY too much value on it. Not that when someone does do the marriage/kids thing it isn't good- when it works out for them great. But what is great for one is not necessarily great for another (50% divorce rate pretty much proves that). There are PLENTY of people getting married and having kids. If that isn't for you, that's fine. I would just suggest that you find what is for you, a focus that makes you feel like a valuable person to YOU.

You know, this may seem harsh, but I suspect that these rabid "breeders" might NOT be so happy. Lots of people get married and have kids, not all of them pressure others to follow in their steps (I sure don't). I wonder if those who are acting like they're selling something their life depended on is actually feeling trapped and jealous of someone like you who is free to do whatever you want, whenever. Have to say, I miss those days where I could obsess over a video game for days, or read all day long about whatever subject I am interested in at the time. Now I'm on baby time. And I LOVE my son, but it is HARD. I am happy though, but at the same time would not wish this stress on anyone.

Hope that makes sense. And I hope you feel better about things soon.

Marriage and kids are more likely to cause stress than anything else. Be happy you haven't buried yourself in that hole.

Well it is not right to judge another person like that, and I hope you know that. I am a single parent. It is fine for me because my track record with relationships is lousy. I cant stand the thought of being married or even living with a partner. I didn't always feel that way, either. I learned as I got older what my limitations were.

Everyone has worth and is important to their community in some way, so don't let the narrow minded people in your family define your value for you. Just this week my sister told my daughter, "there is more to life than living in a house full of cats" , stating that I was not providing a proper living environment for my daughter. My sister is very materialistic and caught up on image, so she looks down on me living a simpler life in the country as an artist and animal rescue. So yesterday I was depressed about this- it hurt me really bad to know my sister looks down on me like that. Then today a person told me that I must have a very warm and inviting home because we rescue animals and dollies (I repair/restore unloved/over-loved dollies LOL). Yes, that is the reality of our life- we care about more than money and big cars and status symbols.

So I will pass this on to you- good for you to live within your means, even if it is in you parents' home (I live with my mom too). Good for you for not having children right now because you are not ready and maybe not able to afford it at this time in your life. Hell, maybe you don't want any. The human race will not die out. There are plenty of people on welfare as it is!

Good for you for being you and not trying to fit into a carbon copy mold that your family may view as the formula for success. I am proud of you!

Also, it's none of her business whether you have children or not. It's not HER, it's YOU. She's had her baby making stage.

Incorrect
Not all couples want kids
Not eveeyone that wants children want to be married
Some people want neither.
Happyness is not a one size fits all.

marriage and kids only make you happy if that is what YOU want out of life. I have known some people who chose never to marry or have kids because they followed there dream and ignored everyone else.

Everyone is different. what makes one person happy may make another miserable.
Follow your OWN goals and your OWN dreams and you will find you own success and happiness.

My oldest sister has everything you could possibly want collage degree good job big house successful husband thinking about kids. But she is sad and she envies me.

I have no job and am on dissablity and me and my boyfriend are on oppisite sides of the world. But i did what was right for me and she did what everyone toled her she wanted.

Listen to yourself. you will find true success and happiness if you do.

I wish you the best of luck!

Very well said!

I agree with what has been said above.

marriage and kids does not = 100% happiness.

follow your own goals, doing what you want to do with your life will lead to happiness.