I currently feel very trapped.
In the past when I was depressed and having problems I was friendless and though the isolation was horrible I could atleast lash out and feel how I wanted without really affecting anyone...I could act like a wild horse really...
My emotions were also easily swayed and I was more dramatic in my actions and feelings I guess...more selfish ,but recently things have changed....my parents are both expanding into new careers and I've drifted away from my family.I also have a friendship with a lot of romantic tension that is very extreme with a manic epileptic college mate of mine and whenever things get too much I now feel very lost...I know I can't end things anymore atleast for now as I have things to atleast try for before giving up as well as this friend....I used to be very vocal about my feelings and emotions ,but I now keep it in mostly as my family has been tired out by my constantly moans and my friend frets and thinks its because of them that I feel this way.They also have much larger issues to deal with so I feel like a moaner if I speak up....My friend is very depressed and suicidal at times and I worry that me being aspie could tip them over the edge if things on my end go wrong....I love them so much and this is ripping me up inside.I also suffer from extreme fatigue which I am currently getting checked out as there might be a reason for it...this makes me very tired and so my friendship is hard to maintain.
I feel like a crumbled piece of paper inside and I'm starting to latch onto things like sleep,drink and pills in order to just have a normal life.
For the first time in my life I have to be the strong one ,but I'm not sure I can be and i feel so alone and devoid of an answer to my problems.
17 Apr 2010, 10:30 pm
