Suicidal Thoughts

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I've been having suicidal thoughts and have been really depressed lately. I feel I am good at nothing and have no value to society. I cannot communicate properly in a social setting unless it's with one person. I feel that if I end my life, people will finally respect me as a human being. I feel people see me as an idiot who has nothing valuable to give society. Its things like this that make me hate Asperger's syndrome and want a cure badly. I feel that noone should have to live with this syndrome and I can't understand why people with AS and Autism as well as their parent's and/or spouses don't want a cure. I'm not trying to put down these people, I'm just stating my opinion. All i'm really trying to do is vent my feelings right now.

I can tell you right now I will NOT respect you for taking your own life. I can't speak for others. You know, even when life sucks, there is always more than one perspective you can take. Problem is that people like us tend to focus on the moment and forget to consider that the moment won't be forever.

Also, to give you a positive thought, AS and Autism have some good qualities. For one, you aren't bogged down by interpersonal dramas and emotions to the extent of normal people. That is probably a generalization, but I for one am glad of it. (Of course it makes you shake your head at many more people. ) I don't want to cure it, because I feel my perspective is unique. I know some people see me as an idiot or a psychotic, but why should I care? I see them practically in the same way.

I agree with your positive thought but the thing is that I don't have many friends who are aspies. They are all NTs. It makes it that much more difficult. It I had more friends who were Aspies maybe I would feel that way. With that being said, I do look at people I don't know the way you do and I actually kind of like that quality of Aspergers but at the same time I want normal social interaction. I am also glad you wouldn't respect me if I killed myself. I guess I just worry too much what others think. You don't seem to do that as much as me, but I am probably be generalizing.

Oh my gosh, I just laughed out loud and said "oh my gosh." I so have that problem. I am trying to get over it. Having a fiance with no politeness filter helps. He also used to have that problem and then stopped caring. Ceasing to care is the hardest part, blegh. Naw, me either. I don't think I know any aspies in person, except my father (I think.) I am hoping to meet some soon, as there is a support group, but it is scheduled over work. I went through a suicidal phase as well, a long time ago, but I don't understand it at all. Maybe there is a support group or autistic center near you? *Shrug* You seem lonely.

I'm lonely in terms of not having a girlfriend. I have lots of friends, especially at work. My job is very good for social interaction. I am great at talking to people about work related stuff in a group or talking about stuff that I am interested in like all aspies are. But, I do have lots of friends that I can talk to. Just no aspie friends. I am proud of all that I have accomplished. I am about to graduate university and I have kept the same job for almost 4 years and I am very high up at my job. It is also my first job. I hate to brag but I am proud of myself for that.

Is your fiancee an aspie or an NT? and Did you have difficulty dating?

No, my hormones kicked in actually somewhat early for the time, probably normal for nowadays. i dated in hs, because I wasn't allowed earlier. Though, i could have. But on the other hand, everyone SUCKED! Anyway... I've always gotten along better with boys than girls, so dating was an option. Of course, with little emotional knowledge, i think i wasn't a good partner. Plus, i tend to fixate on people. So... more like I didn't have difficulty getting a boyfriend, but difficulty came later, when I would fixate. Nature of the beast, I guess.
Current partner is NT and dyslexic. I wasn't dxed with AS until a few months ago. Before then, things were rocky. I used to get accused of not listening ALL THE TIME! I am still very angry about that. But, he really is somewhat brilliant about reading people and often translates people for me. Because my speech is sometimes very poor, he translates for me, as well, haha.
so much to say. excuse me if i've been inappropriate.

That's great. I was diagnosed when I was 6. I am shy and don't like approaching girls. I feel that if I ask them out I will get an instant NO. This is probably because of my best friend. She is female and a NT. I wanted to go out with her but she doesn't want to date anybody because she does not want her heart to be broken. So, I have not wanted to date anyone else in case she changes her mind and also because I have a fear of rejection. I am sorry for boring you with details about my life but I just was curious about dating because I am not having any success in that area of my life and you seemed to have had success.

No, that's ok. I guess some people have security issues. That's unfortunate, though. It's not all that bad, having a broken heart. Later, after the shock wears off, you can figure out what works and what doesn't. It takes a while. I like sharing my life with someone else, but it's not for everyone, i guess. The instant "No" is the best rejection. Girls are way more passive-aggressive. You'll get a "Let me think about it" and possibly never hear from her again. Also, I find that nice guys have most difficulty. I think that's because our culture tells girls not only do they have to be skinny and passive, but that they should go for the bad boy (???) (ie the unstable, potentially life-threatening type or wait, "be different, just like everyone else!") You aren't in college? The best people are in college. It must be hard for a guy. I used to get asked out quite a bit, before I cut my hair. I guess...if you really want to meet someone...go to an event or meeting and hopefully you can find someone with a common interest. Also, practice hygiene. If you can't talk much, hopefully someone talkative with talk for you? *Edit* I meet most people in general that way.

Suicide is not worth it,a person is going to hurt those close to them.When I was 23 I was about to commit harakiri because I finally believed I was going to succeed on having with a woman whom I was interesting.Unfortunately,I was devastated that Black Friday and depressed.I realize that it was not worth it,and have many things to offer to others.A song helped many a lot by the rock band Kix,it's an anti-suicide song titled,"Don't Close Your Eyes".

@Rocker82 Thanks for your words of support. I really appreciate them. I also find music to be something that soothes my depression and suicidal thoughts. I have a list of songs, literally, that I listen to when depressed. They seem to heal the wounds abit.
@jamessongerbil Thanks for your advise. I actually enjoyed sharing those things with you and some of what you said actually has made me feel better. Thanks again.

Glad! (good luck)