I'm in way over my head

Post Reply New Topic

I keep thinking genuinely nasty, horrible, prejudiced, cruel, terrible things and I don't think it's all OCD.

Mentally I've been doing some vile things and it's really horrible. I want to forgive myself but I struggle to.

I feel bloody horrible and sort of semi out of sanity.

I don't know what to do. A thought and feeling is just a thought and feeling, perhaps just passing, but it's vile to thinka nd feel certain things temporarily.

I feel like a person who is going to waste and losing my kind side.

I often feel the same way recently, but I don't think it's random, maybe it's the result of how one is treated ? it's no coincidence I changed a lot since I started my current job (which I currently don't even go to). You get treated badly and you start being nasty, it looks inevitable to me, I seem to long for the times when I was all kind but I guess that's how things go. Everything is more more more ugly than I used to think...

There is something wrong with me I know that. I mean I have OCD pure o which is painful to have.

I sometimes have really terrible (and probably illegal) thoughts however they usually only last for a short period of time.

However I've found that by having these thoughts and imagine what i do (though there is no chance i would do them in "real life") it helps relieve a lot of stress, or this "almost urge" i have (im not sure if it is maybe being angry, stressed or frustrated or something though).

Im not sure if that is similar to what you're going through though.

This is too painful. There's like a kind of OCD trick going on as well as me doing bad things, and those moments I'm not sure whether I'm doing bad things or OCD is. I can't cope with this constant pain, as well as my turmoil position with my relationship.

I used to feel the same way, at your age. I hope you feel better, soon.

Rainbow-Squirrel: My past is probably mostly responsible for this OCD onslaught, correct.
I didn't have a nice time in school really - it was pretty bad, nothing catastrophic but it was highly unpleasant. College was pretty grim too, and it's my emotions that are always risen to the top that always seem to be far too exposed to pain all the time.
I hope you feel good soon - I am trying to do so myself. Would you like to talk to me about anything? You can pm me if you like.

gassy: Yes these thoughts are pretty damn horrible and also at times illegal. My morals are questionable for temporary moments at a time, but it's like I keep getting hit by them at a rapid, short burst rate all the time, and it depletes my energy.
I've never done anything bad as such, but I don't want to feel like some kind of sadistic nasty jerk, and sometimes my conversations with people who are close friends can carry such weight, and I hate it.
You can pm me if you have any problems you would like to talk about. I do hope you feel well.

CockneyRebel: Thank you. I am sorry you had to go through this at my age, and I do hope you feel well now.
You can pm me if you like, if you feel the need for any reasons.

To everyone: This can't help either - for many nights I've been going to bed far far too late and waking up miles too late too. Going for walks and things are not only a mental struggle for me right now but also a physical one - skin sensitivities and general body sensitive pains and such.
I am reading through a book about overcoming obsessive thoughts, but I'm currently not up to the stage where it talks about how to overcome them.

Thank you for all your kind responses.

Feel well.

There is no such thing as a thought being illegal. The Thought Police are not real!

Samtoo, the very fact that these thoughts are bothering you means that you are not a bad person. You will not DO the things you think about, because you know that would be wrong. It is clear from how much it upsets you to think them.

I have obsessive-type problems sometimes and the following is the best advice I've ever been given:

When you have one of those thoughts, say (think) to yourself: "There's one! There it goes again! Those silly thoughts!".

Sounds weird / too simple, but try it and you may be surprised (or you may find it does nothing, if it's not for you - but give it a go, why not?)

[quote="samtoo"]

gassy: Yes these thoughts are pretty damn horrible and also at times illegal. My morals are questionable for temporary moments at a time, but it's like I keep getting hit by them at a rapid, short burst rate all the time, and it depletes my energy.
I've never done anything bad as such, but I don't want to feel like some kind of sadistic nasty jerk, and sometimes my conversations with people who are close friends can carry such weight, and I hate it.
You can pm me if you have any problems you would like to talk about. I do hope you feel well.

[quote]


I think I can relate to everything your saying apart from the OCD. I'm not sure how it exactly felt like when it sometimes happens, maybe it was anger?, but i think ive felt anger before and this doesn't feel the same, but during many times i've felt some type of change.

When ive had this feeling i tried to use it to my advantage.

As a result my football and my goal in my garden took quite a battering at times (i got pretty good at hitting the top right corner from about 15yards).....

This is of course until I mange to blast it over the bar, and my garden fence, and all these feelings and thoughts immediately dissapated as i start to try and figure out the best way to get my football back lol

And even when I haven't felt anything, it usually feels like i simply just dont care what happens to the other person (a sign of lack of empathy maybe?). But there is always something stopping me, maybe just because when i think of it i can see the potential problems, and whether it would logically be a good or bad idea, so thankfully (for everyone) it stays in my imagination.

Personally my best solution for me is to listen to music which gets the adrenaline pumping a bit or something that "gives me a lift". Then I usually try and do something to take my mind off things (e.g imagining myself kicking my football at my goal) or do some coursework/revision (this is my most productive time lol)

Also nobody knows anyhting about these thoughts, which i think is probably also a good thing, otherwise they might get worried/nervous etc.

Im not sure if any of this helps at all, but yeh il pm you once i have a bit more time/dont forget lol

I hope that you be alright! I´m sorry you are going through this right now. I just don´t think you´re losing your kind side you seem to be a nice person!