Friends becoming agressive toward you?

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I really am tired of the emotional and physical abuse people give me - Especially amongst people I trust.
I am very meek and mild mannered - Very shy. When I make friends they always seem very nice at first, and they are nice to their friends, but at some point they realize how submissive I am. At some point they will act a different way toward me.

I have made only a handful of good friends. Those friendships often end up in them becoming physically abusive and will slap me or hit me alot because I do "turn the other cheek" or don't complain because I don't like conflict. They use this to their advantage. My current friend used to be sweet to me, until recently. And now she constantly makes fun of me for being poor and lower class - However she only does this to me in front of a group of people and I just look down and don't say anything. I a teacher told me how concerned he was about this and how it upset him, but that he couldn't do anything about it.

There is also a girl on my bus who hits me very hard on the head as often as possible and takes my things - She seemed so nice and sweet!! Why? Why do I have this effect on people? This happens to me so much it's become this terrible pattern.

Anyway my question is - Does this ever happen to you? Does this happen to you alot? What are your thoughts?

having had similar experiences, i can only guess its because NTs are constantly analysing everyone else for loopholes hwich they can exploit...

had a couple of "friends" who thought it was funny to punch me on the arm because they thought it was fun as i didnt have it in me to do the same back. my old PE teacher at school was the exact same (needless to say the school did jack sh*t about my complaints... the last thing i heard, he got glassed in a pub and is now blind in one eye - what goes around comes around as they say).

Perhaps you should try not to be so 'meek and mild'? I don't mean change your entire personality, just stand up for yourself once in a while.

Sometimes people overstep boundaries without realising. If you don't set them straight, they may not realise anything is wrong and continue.

Most people will try to step over your boundaries. True friends, however, won't. Sadly, they're very rare.

I used to keep running into the same pattern. I would be nice to someone, they would be nice to me, we would become friends, and then they would realize that I let them get away with anything. So they would start probing the ground by violating my personal space and patting me on the shoulder, then using patronizing language, talking over me all the time, and then I'd end up doing their chores and being the butt of their jokes in company of other "friends".

Last year I had another incident, like a flashback from the past. A guy was being all super friendly, trying to be my friend, apparently, only with the telltale sign of not keeping times and promises.

Eventually he noticed that I don't interrupt when he talks, so he started complaining about his homework and how he needs a certain program for his computer to do it. I gave him that program.

A couple days later he tells me that the program is sooo compleeex...

At that point I interrupted him, rudely perhaps, and said "Hey! I am not going to be doing your homework for you". It took him aback, and he said "Oh.. of course not! I was just... saying... that its hard..."

And that's how it should be done.

oh wow I am shocked, Im not aspie, but have taught a couple of aspie kids and have a close aspie friend. NO ONE has to deal with physical abuse, it is TOTALLY unacceptable under all circumstances, there is no excuse, and its not related to sex, creed or being aspie. You do not ever have to be physically abused it is TOTALLY WRONG

If you behave like a dog you'll be treated like one.

Retaliation isn't always bad, especially when you're defending yourself. Have you ever thought of studying martial arts? It can give you a confidence and other people just start to leave you alone after a while. You don't even have to do anything. Wing Chun trained me to be able to take a punch and be unfazed by it, even if a big man threw it. When you react with calm relaxation (not meekness - there's a huge difference) to someone attacking you it can really unsettle them. It's a great way of stopping a fight without ever having to get into one.

Nice job at blaming the victim.


Why is it that NO ONE ever suggests TREATING THE BULLIES AND ABUSERS LIKE DOGS???


Seriously....this thread has me really p***ed off!! !

I'm tired of people making excuses for these pigs......"kids will be kids"...."boys will be boys", etc......F**k off!! !



As far as i'm concerned....this is no better than saying...."oh well...men will be rapists" or "oh well....politicians will be corrupt scumbags".

An apathetic and indifferent attitude towards injustice only serves to enable it.





Bullies should be expelled from school and blacklisted....period....end of story.

If you just can't refrain from bullying and abusing others....if it's that f***ing important to you, then you don't belong in civil society.

I mean is it THAT difficult just to LEAVE PEOPLE ALONE if you really don't like them?


What you are doing here is nothing short of apologizing for sociopathic and sadistic behavior. And make no mistake, bullying and abuse of ANYKIND is sociopathic and sadistic behavior whether or not the bully/abuser in question can be formally defined as a sociopath/sadist.

I'm sure many SS men wouldn't meet the diagnostic criteria for anti-social personality disorder, but that doesn't make their behavior any less monstrous.


Go ahead and excuse this:


http://www.robertringer.com/school-bully.html







Let the bullies be homeschooled or they can get their GED or something.

Oh really?


What about people who can't defend themselves? What about the mild-mannered introverted kid who is 5' 1'' and 110lbs? I guess you just expect him to "defend himself" against the aggressive testosterone-fueled 6' 2" 220lbs jock.

I guess he should spend his own time, money and energy on martial arts lessons eh? All the while the bullying ass**** suffers no repercussions or inconvenience for the abuse they doll out. If martial arts has worked for you, great, i'm all for it. But not everyone has the time, desire, money, etc....to take martial arts. People pay enough money in school taxes (or private school tuition). It would be nice if these human zoos we pump billions of dollars into per year could at least learn to control their animals since they don't do such a stellar job of educating them. But alas...those who fund the zoos don't seem too interested in holding the zookeepers accountable.

Furthermore.....in case you haven't noticed...the victim who decides to fight back is, often enough, equally guilty in the eyes of the irresponsible school authorities. Any disciplinary action taken against them may be just as severe as what the bully who drew first blood receives. And it's not as if retaliation always does what it's supposed to do either. There is no law that says the bully who gets a beat down from their victim won't seek revenge.

I'll tell you where the real problem lies. The real problem lies with people like YOU. You know....the TAXPAYERS, VOTERS, CITIZENS AND PARENTS who just blissfully tolerate the crap that goes on in our schools and our society as a whole.

People like you seem to think that bullying is just inevitable, that it's just part of "growing up" or something. You might as well say that rape is just part of being female or hate crime is just part of being a minority.

Sorry....bullying IS physical and emotional ABUSE anyway you slice it. It IS a type of individually-based hate crime. It is NOT inevitable and it does NOT need to be tolerated. But people like you act like controlling bullying would be as difficult a human endeavor as building the Panama canal or something. It's all on the shoulders of the victim in your eyes. The victim who only committed two crimes. The crime of being born and the crime of wanting to be left in peace. The sociopaths, sadists, predators, bullies and abusers just get to go about their merry way. All because people like you and all your shameful rationalizations for your own laziness, apathy, indifference and cowardice.

Why I don't trust people and am essentialy a misanthrope.

Hi Elementary_Physics:

I used to think the same way as you. I used to think if I let other people always make all the decisions, not question them, and not assert myself to avoid confrontation, then people should like me and treat me well.

But this isn't how NT's work.

Believe it or not, people who do not stand up for themselves when appropriate, and people who are super passive all the time, actually stress NT's (heck, they stress me).

When people do not define where their limits are in social situations in some way, and always want me to make all the decisions, I get stressed because that's a lot of guess work on my part, and I'm not very good at guessing things about other people to begin with. I imagine NT's are similar.

One part of socializing is engaging with other people. Considering the opinions, thoughts and perspectives of other people, so when other people don't share this sometimes, it kind of negates the point of socializing.

NT's expect you to make your presence as a human being with boundaries, thoughts, wants, and so on known, and when you don't do this they get stressed and frustrated and start doing things to get SOME type of reaction out of you.

With that all being said, it's also important that you do try to be civil in most situations, but in some situations you are in your right to use a harsher tone.

Never use physical force unless you are defending yourself or someone else from physical attack though.

Even if you don't feel up to retaliating, consider the other options open to you.
Can you walk away?
If you can't walk away, can you at least not look down? Stare either at them, at their foreheads (if you can't manage the eyes) or behind them.
Consider your body posture. Don't point your feet together.
Cross your arms, as opposed to clasping them in front of you, or behind you, as these poses are considered submissive.

Tilt your chin upwards.

I had a friend who was once open and friendly, then she became secretive and standoffish. Suddenly one day, she cut contact. After asking a friend to talk to her, because she wasn't talking to me, she replied and she was angry at me. All I was being was a concerned friend, and she acted as if I was a crazy psycho stalker.

I had a friend who was once open and friendly, then she became secretive and standoffish. Suddenly one day, she cut contact. After asking a friend to talk to her, because she wasn't talking to me, she replied and she was angry at me. All I was being was a concerned friend, and she acted as if I was a crazy psycho stalker.

I had a friend who was once open and friendly, then she became secretive and standoffish. Suddenly one day, she cut contact. After asking a friend to talk to her, because she wasn't talking to me, she replied and she was angry at me. All I was being was a concerned friend, and she acted as if I was a crazy psycho stalker.

I find that my hubby tends to say straight up things that myself or one of our NT friends would think, but not say. Or he will say something very directly that we would filter a bit to soften the blow. Does this make sense to anyone? I think he just thinks on a higher spiritual filter. He has a lower tolerance for the superficial and lives in a very superficial world.