On self harming

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The other day I saw a documentary on youths who were involved in self-harming in any way (cutting, trichotillomania, burning, etc.)*. I was surprised to see how apparent a lack of dealing with strong emotions was in these cases. I self-harmed for six years, and while I have been clean for the past two, I do sometimes wonder about the times when I was at a point where I felt that was the only way out.

Knowing my difficulty in Asperger's lies in not having been able to deal with those emotions, I'm glad I have found ways to handle them. But this documentary got me wondering about two things:

1. Do any of you self-harm?
2. Does anybody have an opinion or knowledge of self-harming because of that inability and the correlation with Asperger's Syndrome.

I am very curious to see what you might have to say about this.



*This documentary, titled I Self Injure, was in the video section on mtv.com, for the series of True Life.

I did for a little while. Not very often, as I was worried about getting caught, and it didn't help enough to make it worth it. A couple years ago I went through a pretty long bought of depression, and I still regret never going to a doctor because I think meds would have helped me quite a bit.

I really didn't like the pain (I have a low pain tolerance), but I found that the rush of adrenaline was somehow...very real. When one is depressed, everything sort of loses its sharpness and reality, and nothing feels like it matters. When nothing feels real, pain is still very real. It made me feel alive.

And yes, when I couldn't figure out how to deal with my emotions, cutting felt like the only way. Though I think that's less of an AS thing and more of a depression thing. I've heard from friends that that's just how depression feels.

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