Defamation of character

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Was just wondering how other people here have handled the issue of defamation of character? When people slander, libel or just spread utter lies about you?

A few things have happened to me in the past week or two which could be the startings of defamation of character, if they'll be allowed to develop. I guess I'm not THAT perturbed at the present moment since if anything I've only seen the tip of the iceberg. I'm still concerned and was interested to explore the issue.

I have had bother off a girl at church because of the way she acts around me. You know when people look at you as if you're some sort of monster... the sort of look that makes you out to be some sort of deviant or whatever. Not easy to explain but do you know what I mean? This is what she is doing all the time.

I told some people about this today. I'm fortunate to have a supportive church family. One lady spoke to me about this today to try to encourage me, to say that I shouldn't let one person get to me, and to remind me I'm one of the nicest, most liked and most well respected members of the church. I don't doubt I am, but the reason this girl is such an issue is because I have been in situations in the past of trauma and actual or threatened violence because of people's utter lies, and trying to make me out to be a freak (or worse).

At another service later in the day I went up to give a testimony on my life since becoming a Christian. I did this very very well (public speaking actually isn't difficult for me at all). But as I came up to speak I was greeted by the sight of the same girl making obscene, stupid gestures. Quite honestly, I wasn't that bothered as I was too focused on what I was going to say.

This stuff happens quite a lot to me, on the street, in shops etc. and it's unsettling. Does it happen to anyone else here? I'm not coping so well with it.

In a completely unrelated incident last night, I was at a ceilidh (traditional Scottish dancing) and was sitting with a close friend. Now, there's another guy in the church who's caused a lot of damage and anger with his sheer wrongheadedness, lack of tact and most importantly, sleaziness. As I heard last night, he'd told my friend something about me; my friend didn't believe it as he knows me well enough to know I wouldn't do it. But someone else might believe him and as my friend pointed out, there's the risk of defamation of character.

I'm actually feeling quite calm and non-emotional writing this. I am, and will be, leaving this with God but was wondering what coping strategies people have used in similar situations.

first of all do you know this girl at all who keeps giving you dirty looks?

Also if you are a well respected member of the church then why are you worried about what one sleezeball says about you? Does he know you? And if he does attempt to spread rumours about you and it gets back to your friend or higher ups in the church it will probbably be defused and he will be exposed for the sleeze he is. Many adults don;t seem to realize they can;t get away with bulllying like they did in High school, so his fait will await him whenever he tries something.

These are words from someone else in a conversation to me about something that happened to me recently, but these (very general) remarks might be helpful in this circumstance:

"There are some rules around navigating around a-holes that you occasionally encounter in life:

- Always do what you feel is right (whether you know there are a-holes in the area or not)
- Once you figure out someone is an a-hole, don't interact with them or fall into their trap by acting at their level, avoid direct contact, and continue to always do what you think is right! ...

If you choose the high road, not only will you feel better about yourself, you will find that there are plenty of others like you, and those are the people you want to be around. Some people will segregate themselves out to kiss-ass the a-hole, and some won't...Who do you want to be around?

Really, this guy has made a complete ass of himself...Anyone with any integrity will be able to see that. You can just stand back and let him show his true colours!

Sound right? Why put this on yourself?"

Keeno, you said it yourself: "One lady spoke to me about this today to try to encourage me, to say that I shouldn't let one person get to me, and to remind me I'm one of the nicest, most liked and most well respected members of the church."

You can't control what other people do or think, but your actions really will be the ones that others will judge your character on. Yeah, some dink might spread gossip around your back. But if you stick to the high road morally and just be yourself and don't add fuel to the fire, the situation will go away. People -- at least those of sound mind -- will gradually see who is the responsible person and who is the dinkel-dork. And those who don't? Why bother with them?

In my situation, I kind of laid low and didn't respond to some angry accusations hurled my way. Turns out that another person removed from the situation contacted me about it -- not the quoted person above -- and basically told me they respected me more than the other guy. If that helps.

Try to get the dates and times the comments and bullying is happening, then if you do have to take them to court you will have written evidence.

She may be jealous of your public speaking skills as you say you are calm when you have to speak in public.

I don't mean any disrespect here, but that should be a *last* resort -- and only if things start to get waaaaaay, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of hand. And I'm also going to add, this is assuming the context is libel and not assault. If someone's bullying you in the streets, that's when you *may* want to consider calling the cops -- depending on how bad or hurtful it is.

I used to be a journalist and someone tried to sue me for libel once, based on something I wrote about them. I can tell you first-hand how difficult it is for anyone to get to court on a libel charge, at least in Canada. (This other person got laughed out of his lawyer's office, because I had taped the conversation in which this guy was claiming I'd made up quotes, and could *prove* he was lying.)

By the way, in the U.S., if a person can prove that they weren't being malicious or hateful when they made their comments, it is NOT considered libel or slander.

If it's just rude gestures or whatnot, your best bet is to still just ignore it.

But if anyone comes up to you and starts to threaten you, bully or tease you *directly* and *to your face*, or physically assault you, that's a different game altogether.

Well I've never had any sort of friendship with the girl. Perhaps because she's much younger than me, she's 18 or thereabouts. The age being much of the reason for my concern; if someone that age is reacting to me with such disgust, that's serious. I'm really MUCH more concerned about her than the guy.

She is an exceptionally intelligent, competent person. She was a straight A student, dux of her school, is now studying medicine at university and doing very well at it, and is going to be a doctor. That she is behaving towards anyone in the way she is, is pretty surprising.

Just thinking, has she studied AS yet, and if she hasn't yet, when will she? Hah!

About the guy: While there's a problem, I'm FAR from being the only one who has suffered at his hands. Now, as a Christian and as an Aspie, I'm not someone who should be judgmental. But even taking the most balanced, open-minded view I can, he has some sort of personality disorder. To be fair, he doesn't know how he affects people. No-one respects him, so any slander he makes about anyone is consequently less likely to be believed.

Jman, you are right, sleazebag is the word. Our minister has received a number of complaints from women about him, and you're all correct to think that things are going to blow up on him.

And they'll be blowing up on him very soon. He frightened an 11 year old boy by standing looking at him up and down, and looking at him sleazily. He is 46. The boy's freaked out, and his mother will be complaining to the minister the first chance she gets.

He knows me quite well. I had a friendship with him, but got out of it because of his unhealthy attitude to life. Which of course could be a reason for the recent comment he made. Like I say, everyone stands to suffer at his hands, yet I believe he will be cast out soon.

Finally, thank you for all your support, it's well appreciated!

Well I've never had any sort of friendship with the girl. Perhaps because she's much younger than me, she's 18 or thereabouts. The age being much of the reason for my concern; if someone that age is reacting to me with such disgust, that's serious. I'm really MUCH more concerned about her than the guy.

She is an exceptionally intelligent, competent person. She was a straight A student, dux of her school, is now studying medicine at university and doing very well at it, and is going to be a doctor. That she is behaving towards anyone in the way she is, is pretty surprising.

Just thinking, has she studied AS yet, and if she hasn't yet, when will she? Hah!

About the guy: While there's a problem, I'm FAR from being the only one who has suffered at his hands. Now, as a Christian and as an Aspie, I'm not someone who should be judgmental. But even taking the most balanced, open-minded view I can, he has some sort of personality disorder. To be fair, he doesn't know how he affects people. No-one respects him, so any slander he makes about anyone is consequently less likely to be believed.

Jman, you are right, sleazebag is the word. Our minister has received a number of complaints from women about him, and you're all correct to think that things are going to blow up on him.

And they'll be blowing up on him very soon. He frightened an 11 year old boy by standing looking at him up and down, and looking at him sleazily. He is 46. The boy's freaked out, and his mother will be complaining to the minister the first chance she gets.

He knows me quite well. I had a friendship with him, but got out of it because of his unhealthy attitude to life. Which of course could be a reason for the recent comment he made. Like I say, everyone stands to suffer at his hands, yet I believe he will be cast out soon.

Finally, thank you for all your support, it's well appreciated!

Well I've never had any sort of friendship with the girl. Perhaps because she's much younger than me, she's 18 or thereabouts. The age being much of the reason for my concern; if someone that age is reacting to me with such disgust, that's serious. I'm really MUCH more concerned about her than the guy.

She is an exceptionally intelligent, competent person. She was a straight A student, dux of her school, is now studying medicine at university and doing very well at it, and is going to be a doctor. That she is behaving towards anyone in the way she is, is pretty surprising.

Just thinking, has she studied AS yet, and if she hasn't yet, when will she? Hah!

About the guy: While there's a problem, I'm FAR from being the only one who has suffered at his hands. Now, as a Christian and as an Aspie, I'm not someone who should be judgmental. But even taking the most balanced, open-minded view I can, he has some sort of personality disorder. To be fair, he doesn't know how he affects people. No-one respects him, so any slander he makes about anyone is consequently less likely to be believed.

Jman, you are right, sleazebag is the word. Our minister has received a number of complaints from women about him, and you're all correct to think that things are going to blow up on him.

And they'll be blowing up on him very soon. He frightened an 11 year old boy by standing looking at him up and down, and looking at him sleazily. He is 46. The boy's freaked out, and his mother will be complaining to the minister the first chance she gets.

He knows me quite well. I had a friendship with him, but got out of it because of his unhealthy attitude to life. Which of course could be a reason for the recent comment he made. Like I say, everyone stands to suffer at his hands, yet I believe he will be cast out soon.

Finally, thank you for all your support, it's well appreciated!

Sorry about that - it wouldn't send till I clicked the 3rd time, yet it appeared 3 times after all!