Dealing with loss.

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It may seem like a small tragedy to some, but it has affected my life deeply, so here is the long strory. I work in a coffee shop and on hot days, we leave the door open for a breeze. Everyday that we did, this little rock dove (city pigeon), we called him Bill, would come into the shop and try to peck up all the crumbs on the floor. I can recognize Bill because he has a tumor on his head. I personally find them to be beautiful and sad creatures. My coworkers used to tease me about how they wished that they would all die or that they would kill Bill because they hated pigeons and thought they were stupid.

I had become very fond of his visits and would often turn my back to his presence while everyone else would chase him away. A few weeks ago, another rock dove started coming too. It was a greasy little female we called Bill's girlfriend. I really felt for her because I felt like my own life was reflected in herr struggle to find a place and fit into a world that hated her. Her greasy feathers just made her all the more sorrowful, but of course I know also more ugly to everyone else.

One day, after several visits, my coworkers and I were taking photos of her flying around as we chased her out of the store. It was good fun and everyone seemed to becomign more fod of her. We put her pictures up for everyone to see.

A little while later, I heard this horrible screaching and bird crying. I came around the counter to find Bill's girlfriend flailing around on the floor with blood spraying everywhere. A customer had stepped on her!! !! After what seemed like forever, she died there on the floor of the cafe, to the shock of all, but they all just stood around staring and then laughing about how stupid the bird must be to get stepped on. No one wanted to touch it or pick it up, so I wrapped it up in some paper towels and removed the body to the trash. Its little lifeless body was so hot in my hands. I took more pictures of it on top of the rubbish and everyone thinks I am crazy for it. I went back a few hours later and tried to take more but someone put trash on top of her. (its not that crazy, I am an artist working in photography and I use it to deal with those emotions too intense to deal with)

I feel like people have no feelings about the little creatures. Not that I expect them to be sad about it, but shouldn't they at least feel a little bad for the needless pain and suffering of an animal? They were all just laughing and I think the guy who stepped on it did it on purpose! I spent the next few days crying over it like nonstop! I couldn't eat or sleep at all. Not just about the loss of my little sad friend, but because people suck so much. I wanted to quit my job just then and I left work early and I took all the photos of her from the cafe. Now, about two weeks later, people are still making jokes about it and I hate it.

Is this just aspie oversensitivity or would others agree that people just suck? I feel like they would all just step on me too if they had the chance.

Maybe it is an aspie thing maybe it isn't. But I can understand how you feel. I don't see what people find so funny in sensless pain.

My son and I are both NT and feel just awful about what happened to your bird. We both think that was truly messed up and can't imagine how anyone could do that to your bird and not feel absolutely horrible, I would have been in tears if I accidently did something like that. You are a very compassionate person and we hope you feel better soon. Your co-workers are acting heartless.

Thanks for your support. I only have to stay there a few more months until I go away for school, so I am trying not to let it ruin my job. It is so hard to get a job.

I still feel sad for my fishes that died in the past. But I think I solved this issue by putting a safety pin through an eraser and locking the safety pin in an elastic band. This reminds me that the fish have been revived and are alive. Yes, it sounds crazy, but I had to go this far just to make myself feel better.

I'm not sure if this will work for you, but all I know is that my dead fish have been revived and are only visible through my imagination . Even if I can't see them, they may be still swimming around the aquarium, still enjoying the water.

IMO, it is an irrational oversensitivity. Just try to find as many coping methods as you can and use what works for you as long as it doesn't harm you or anyone else. Delusion worked best for me.

However, I am still looking for coping methods because I sometimes forget about the objects I put together (safety pin through an eraser and locked safety pin in an elastic band) and I sometimes feel insane for using this method of coping.

i lived in London and about 5 years ago there was a pidgeon that had been hit by a car or bus in central London and was still half alive. I picked it up and took it to the nearest Police station who basically laughed in my face when i asked if anyone would help.
I cried so much, as i felt so much pain for the bird-even though i'm not a fan of pidgeons- it's still an animal at the end of the day.
i can't understand why anyone would find animal suffering funny.
i was on the net when i found a dos sanctuary site about dogs of chains. why have a dog if you don't want to look after it?
that is part of the reason why i hate humans sometimes. where is the humanity?

If I didn't know the person who passed away personally, it wouldn't be a problem, but if I did, it would.

If anything was to happen to my Little Wheaten, I'd be devistated.

your story is beautiful.
I often feel like a small animal in this world.

Your co-workers were acting like a buncha @$$holes. As an advocate of animal rights, I would like nothing more than to see those people fined for torture, and cruelty. I am tired of these egotistical people with massive superiority complexes. They're the same jerks who surpressed me in school. That same arrogance is also one of the reasons why Judge Judy has a job.

I don't like pigeons, or birds in general. Sorry.