Help I don't understand, please respond ASAP

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NomadicAssassin
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13 Jun 2010, 4:31 pm

How many people here tick your parents off to where they are yelling and when you ask what's wrong they say right now it's you that ticking me off, this happens to me about two to three times a day, I don't understand what I did or what i should be doing afterwards, but I'm sorry it's starting to get really f****ing annoying, because in reality I'm being yelled at for something I have no account of or memory of so, pretty much I'm just being yelled at each time for no reason, and my mom won't explain why she angry at me; needless to say I'm about this close to walking up and saying, " I'm sorry for whatever I did, but unless I can remember it and I know what I did wrong, I feel there's no reason to get angry at me", word for word that is what I'll say, but I'll ask you guys what I should do first?


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LostAlien
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13 Jun 2010, 7:41 pm

I'd probably do what you're thinking of doing but I'd be prepared for the possibility that when I'd ask I'd probably be yelled at more.

Is there any time that they appear calm because that may be a good time to talk to them about this. People breathe shallowly when angered/distressed and so less oxygen gets to the brain, and so become less rational. When calm, people can breathe deeper and thus be more rational.

Sry I couldn't be of more help.



Claradoon
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13 Jun 2010, 8:56 pm

Question: is alcohol involved? If it is, make yourself scarce until tomorrow.

At any rate, wait for a calm time. There's a method to this sort of thing,
I've read about it but am not sure if I've got it all.

Anyway,
1. Pick a calm time.
2. Say "There's something I've wanting to talk about, is this a good time?"
3. If Yes, then what you wrote in your message is perfect, except for one small adjustment -

" I'm sorry for whatever I did, but unless I can remember it and I know what I did wrong, I feel there's no reason to get angry at me"

I think maybe you could change that part to "I can't fix it if I don't know what it is. Will you tell me?"

I really hate to think of you living like this. My life was similar. Keep in touch, let us know how you go.

Take care.



NomadicAssassin
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14 Jun 2010, 9:43 am

I would do that and i probably will, but i know whats going to happen, she is going to start her "oh give me a brake speak", and ill look like the bad person. I do say it calmly, no there is no alchohal involved infact my mom has had bad experiences with it before, so she it way against it. I'm really mentally weak, i have low selfconsuence ( sorry if spelled wrong ), and i interperrut things as threats alot, so the minute someone starts to get confused with me or angry at me i blow up, i can restrain it for my parents, but i dont know how to with others, its come so close that i have nearlly gottin' into a punching fight with my parents freind. Something small but i didn't think it was a big deal till my parents said i embarressed them when i did it.

While my parents have other ideas, i think im probably going to be living with them for a while, like i said im way behind when it comes to emotions, they said at 16 i have the emotional level of a 12 or 11 year old. So if im going to live swith them for a while i need them to understand me.


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Alex_M
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14 Jun 2010, 1:47 pm

My life in a nutshell. Happened just yesterday. I was super pissed off about it because alcohol was not a factor on my end, but my have been on my mom's end. My mom also told me that my attitude was pissing her off. Sorry my attitude sucks I'm just depressed as hell and laying more stress on me is just not helpful.

And thus went my resolution not to drink last night...



LostAlien
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14 Jun 2010, 3:08 pm

Perhaps to say something like 'I understand that what I have done may seem obvious to you but it's not obvious to me. Please tell me what I've done wrong, I can't fix my behaviour if I don't know what it is'. Using 'I' instead of 'you' sentences can help a person listen because sometimes they feel less blamed by using 'I' language.

Although, if this doesn't get results, there may be factors totally beyond your control. For example, your parents may not have good communication skills or they may be having a bad day and react badly to something small that you do because of them having a bad day.

What kind of things do they say when they start to give out to you? It may give us a clue what their issue/s is/are.