finally I'm out of my hell, well more or less!

Post Reply New Topic

I decided the only way to sort things out was to remove everything possible from the equation and then add subtract and multiply.

I cut off everything environmental possible as that's the stuff that really messes me up. (Including the medical profession as they were doing my head in as well and I always keep a month or sos worth of anything that I've been proscribed before that's had any kind of positive effect )

It looks like most of my problems were related to withdrawal from long term anti-psychotic use. Basically over the last 6 months or so I've gone from being like someone who's on a dopamine high, to someone who has dopamine psychosis which has slowly passed.

I then found I was somewhat depressed, (hardly surprising). Fortunately prozak works in between 6 to 30 hours with me at 20mg starting dose. That cleared the depression (a little too well), but being hyper sensitive started getting acute anxiety. The more 'general' ish anxiety from dopamine psychosis had cleared by then.

Interestingly during that time things that increased dopamine used or ADHD treatment actually sorted me out quite well, though I didn't have access to pharma grade so restricted to one off suck it and see type use on small dose. (I don't recommend this, if I did I'd be using it all the time!). I should imagine that because they affect different receptors or in some other way the effects are different enough that it seemed to have the inverse effect on the psychosis. (no noticeable after effects, when isolated for a week)

I then took the only thing that's ever sorted acute anxiety out before. which worked reasonable well. Thought long term use wasn't exactly desirable and found the best pharma product equivalent on the dark grey market.

Then took a small dose of magic powder after deliberately inducing very acute anxiety. The magic powder made me realize that the dopamine psychosis seemed to have gone and that the prozak was effecting me like it did before I was on the anti-psychotics, but just thought I was going mad at the time not that it was the prozak.

stopped prozak, staying on a micro dose of the dark grey stuff, cos I've got a s**t load on my plate now after cutting everything off for quite some time.

Now I can finally go back to the Dr's and hope they will a: listen and b: sort me out a bit more cos the dark grey stuff ain't a good idea.

Discovered that I don't get paranoia at all even from the prozak, it's just acute anxiety. So acute anyone would think it's clinical paranoia. But still firmly grounded in an acute version of reality. (in that it's explainable to other people and they agree that they could quite easily feel like that under those given circumstances)

Paranoia is a side effect from prozak in bi-polar people, which I'm diagnosed with, but I don't believe I fit the criteria or pattern, instead fit ADHD/ADD pattern.

I only get anxiety when I smoke weed when on prozak (or possibly other anti-depressants). I had a big 'blame the odd splif for the meds not working thing from the shrink or ages, so thought I best see what it does in isolation and mix).
I have had weed psychosis once, in Amsterdam! for about 10 minutes.

Strangely the Drs didn't say that it could be related to going cold turkey after being on something that lowers dopamine levels for 5 or so years. In-fact they wanted to proscribe me more, even though I said a lot of the problems that had been getting worse over the years had been getting better and better the longer I'd been off them. (Including things like getting psychosis in the mornings after waking and having it mess with my head all day, and concentration completely shot away). They even wanted to give me stuff I'd stopped taking before due to side effects, and even after I said no 3-4 times, I ended up agreeing that he could let my GP proscribe it and I'd get a proscription if I thought it would help. (waste of 6 months waiting for a 30min appointment!).

Anyhow, if you stop anti-psychotics, expect a very bumpy ride for quite some time. Others have told me that the shrink always they to say that your relapsing and don't mention it may be withdrawal. One guy had problems when 13 and about 28 following death in the family and has been on them ever since, and because when he stops the s**t hits the fan, they haven't taken him off them. They basically give you mega ADHD/ADD (which he says he's experiencing those symptoms). I only managed to stay in work so long because I'd worked at the place before, despite getting nothing done for about 3 years or so and having tonnes of time off.

Lots of places say that those type of meds should only be used acutely and others recommend having holidays from them.

They are proscribed for ASD sometimes, (so is weed!). Any because your so shot away, it does kinda seem like their having a positive effect, though personally I'd say they only got rid of my problems by making them so bad they appeared to vanish and I wasn't able to think or concentrate well enough to tell. IQ also dropped between 15-20 points on a test I'd taken twice before and scored 138 and 140 previously.Couldn't work out why I couldn't work out things that were obvious before. I'm gona see if I can find the test again.

Also couldn't do things I previously used to enjoy (e.g. computer games), when I could only say stick it for the first couple of mouse clicks after the intro, it I could stick it through the intro now I can sit and play all day again.

Now I've just got to get myself up and running again. Which shouldn't be a problem now I can think and I've done it so many times before in the past. Oh and see if the Dr can find something or me other than the grey stuff, now I feel like i can handle them messing me around again, since it's a poor long term solution.