At the end my life is nothing

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I lost my dream job not because I was bad at it but because I let it slip i have aspergers. No place with in 100 miles of Meissen hiring. I am the only one left living at home. All I can hear is the sound of my life ticking away. I am yelled at for no reason but because my parents are frustrated at what's going on with me. I am too asd to have a fast food job but to high to get any help from the government. I jut can't do anything right.

Don't give up.

Hang in there my friend. I've been there, twice.

Had to give up being an aerospace engineer because ADD/Asperger's wouldn't let me finish college. Flunked out.

Then about ten years ago, I landed what I would consider my dream job. I was finally working in aerospace on real spacecraft! I was called an engineering aide which was essentially a JR. level enigneer who didn't have a degree. Problem was, it was killing me! I could never please my supervisor, and my then 7 year old son said to my wife: "I forgot what Daddy looked like."

At the very end of my time at this job, I wound up in the hospital with a very serious case of pneumonia. The doctors told my wife that they were going to put me on life support if I didn't improve. After about two weeks in the hospital I came home, quit my "dream job" and never looked back.

Life isn't always about what you do for a living. It sounds like your parents are concerned for your well-being. Take their frustration as a sign of their love for you. Whatever setbacks you're experiencing are temporary. Things will get better. Sometimes you have go out and meet misery head on and tell it:"You cannot defeat me!"

Keep fighting the good fight. Don't let misery win.

I used to think I did not care. About the world. If I could keep my head down and worked hard everything would be okay, the years of being the freak would be worth it once I had a good job and could support my self. I went through hell at school. From kids and teachers. Now as I look around with no job. No friends no anything I don't see the point. I am a dead pixel on a tv. I am every main character in anime with out the power or destiny that makes them spacial. All I can hear and see when I close my eyes is old teachers bosses and parents of kids I tied to be friends with, all happy and relived I am leaving. All happy they were right and I would end up like this

I hope that things get better for you, soon.

"All I can hear and see when I close my eyes is old teachers bosses and parents of kids I tied to be friends with, all happy and relived I am leaving. All happy they were right and I would end up like this"

Those people aren't happy or relived you're leaving. If you left this world, the people who love you and care for you will feel guilty for the rest of their lives. They will always think, "What could I have done or said to have prevented this?"

Endure my friend, endure. Live, Live, LIVE!

i was in your position several decades ago, so i can assure you life does go on, albeit not in the way we would like. the challenge is coming to terms with what life does allow us. remember that each of us is on a unique mission we all agreed-to before our births, so there is nothing really unexpected under the sun, for any of us.
circa 1983, i was "totally worthless"- unemployed and unemployable, there were no jobs for unskilled me who was unfit [too damned slow and dense] even for a fast food job, in the height of the reagan recession that was all the rage then. there are no jobs for unskilled me nowadays, but that is a different story. anyways, i lost my job and my apartment and was homeless for a bit until my parents agreed to take me back in, with the provision that i would at least try to join the military, which was #1 on my list of things never to do but i had no other choice at this point. so i put up with 4 years of distasteful army BS, and emerged from it with a civil service job which employed me for 20 years until i could sort-of afford to be laid-off, courtesy of shrub, damn him.
anyways- the only thing i could suggest, would be to give the military a try- i saw many folk in my army travels who were even more limited than me, yet they managed to survive basic/advanced training and make it to permanent party, so it is my belief that this option is not beyond your ability, based on the ability you demonstrated in the composition of your post. of the limited good things the military can do for you, i would mention the following:

*the educational benefits either from on-the-job training or from the GI bill;
*it would get you away from your parents, which would give both you and them a good rest from one another;
*it would give you a fresh perspective on life and your situation, and you would have options courtesy of salary saved and money in the bank. granted, barracks living sucks but at least there is no rent due and you can bank and invest the lion's share of your salary;
*even if you failed initial entry training for one reason or another, you at least were away from your parents for a good while, and hopefully saved a little money sufficient for a fresh start somewhere else;
*there is always a chance that you might find military life entirely congenial, and you could stay for your 20 years and get a nice retirement [with health benefits] out of it.

so what i am trying to tell you, is that there is always hope of some kind, even as life is happening to us while we are making other plans.
i will pray for you and your good fortune.
take care and god bless
bruce

I'm the same age as you and feel exactly the same right now. Your post made me cry

I think I grew up with that notion too- the notion that if you work hard and play by the rules, that everything else will fall into place. I have labored the past four years towards a very specific goal-getting into med school. I am hoping to get in somewhere but only time will tell.

Mesona, I know how you fell because I have been there before. The first three years of my college career I could not get a research or shadowing position for the life of me. I was a hard worker and ALOT more qualified than some of the other applicants for the positions I applied to. I'd often get interviews, but I would choke up so bad that I would not get the position. It was frustrating to see underclassmen get these positions only to have that position open up again because that same underclassman-despite his personality during the interview-could not handle the job.

Despite all my success in school, my social life was also going know nowhere. I had many acquaintances, but few friends. Moreover, when I was around my friends I felt the need to act like an NT which only made things more awkward. I began to find refuge in alcohol. I despaired and had to drop a class as a result.

I was a loose cannon until I was serendipitously hooked up with a research position through my gym partner. He knew that I was a hard worker and hooked me up (I did not even have to interview!) Then things really starting to turn around for me.

Identify your passion. Work hard at getting it. Set realistic expectations. Hard work will result in professional success; it will not necessarily result in EVERYTHING being okay (although sometimes it unexpectedly does!). Don't allow yourself to lose this hope! The fruit of despair is depression

In the mean time remember, you have to crawl before you walk. Don't be afraid to take on trivial jobs during your quest. I have worked in a supermarket the past three years cause I could not find a paid medical/science job. It was not what I wanted, but it will give me something to talk about during my interview.

One of the hardest problems about being an Aspie living by himself/herself is having to simultaneously deal with Aspie specific problems, and the problems that NT's normally have to deal with when living alone. Even knowing the difference between "normal" and "aspie" problems/emotions is challenging for me. What you are dealing with is a normal NT problem especially in this sh***y economy. It worse for you cause you also have to deal with Aspie problems too. But the answer is the same. Persistence. Just because we aspies have alot more baggage than our NT comrades does not mean that the answer to a certain problem is any different for us than it is for NTs.