Death The Final Escape

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I crave the reaper and his release. I dream of the day that I am done with this planet and her misery. I dream of a end to the isolation and the curse that is my apsergers. My whole life I just wanted to know love even if for a moment and she has seem to elude me like a thief in the night. I wanted friendship but always find that people leave as quickly as they came. No matter what I do or try this accursed apergers catches up with me and alienates me. It taken my family and left me loveless and taken my friends and left me friendless. So I known not of love nor friendship in the thirty years I have been on this miserable planet. I tired of holding out for hope that never seems to become a reality. I tired of believing in love and friendship that seem to be the greatest of all illusions. I tired. I want my rest and want my end. I done.
Please I did not put this up hear for help or because I wanted support. I put up hear simply because I was hoping it would help and for the moments I was writing and editing it, it did. Plus there is probably nothing you can say that I have not herd a million times before and did help then and will not help now. So thank you.

I know your pain.

I won't tell you it will get better, but I hear you.

hey rastachucker...

There was a story about two parents in the news, not too long ago. Their daughter had a health problem... but they chose to ignore medical help, and instead they relied ONLY on prayer.

Their daughter died as result.

Wishing and hoping won't make friendships and love appear. And yes, you're right... it shouldn't be this much work. It isn't, for normal people. It just comes to them naturally. They surround themselves with others, and they take it for granted, while to us, this is a mystical height we can never fully achieve.

However, we can achieve DEGREES of it. You cannot shift your life from ZERO to HAPPY, but you can have gradual improvement.

Your brain is not a bench. It's not fixed in the same spot every day. Persist hard enough, get help from therapists and life coaches. Join some activities where you get to interact with strangers in a limited way (this is why martial arts are popular on these forums).

DO MORE.

And when you have no strength, go into nature and walk in a park or near the ocean. When you feel like you do today... get out of the house and walk. Walk for hours.