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Today I found out that my brother thinks that I'm condescending and pretentious. It's hitting me kind of hard; I want to say I'm not because people I know well (my brother and I aren't very close( constantly tell me I'm too hard on myself and need to work on building more self confidence, but for some reason I feel like thinking that way makes what my brother said true. I just don't feel good at all right now, I can't help but think that what he said was true. What if I really do come across to people as some kind of stuck up jerk? The thought of it makes me want to throw up. On the other hand I also think I'm overreacting, but it's just tough to take criticism like that from a relative.

Insults are made to hurt, they smack of truth, but aren't usually made of it.

I can't really determine whether you're arrogant or not just by your post, but you don't seem to be.

You seem like a decent person, to me.

Well said. I guess it's just an insult but, I have respect for my brother despite that we were never close. He just never seemed to "get" me, although when I was little I was oblivious to this. I was in my own world (Wrong Planet ) when I was very young and according to my mom he would get agitated that he couldn't understand why I would carry piles of books everywhere and other obsession-related things. My brother was always some kind of mystical figure to me when I was little because we weren't close; I would hear things he would talk about things like high school and I'd watch him pitch for his school baseball team and I thought he was just so cool. I tried to establish a connection with him a month ago or so by talking to him about things that (I thought) we both found interesting like the theory behind computers and ethical issues, and I even thought they went pretty well, so I was kind of taken aback by his comment.

I was incredibly shocked a few years ago when someone I thought was my friend told a few people he didn't want to be friends with me because I was a "know it all." I asked a few people, including my best friend, and their reactions were discouraging. I asked someone who had known me since kindergarten..apparently I've always been that way. I sure as heck don't know everything. I often feel like I don't even have anything useful in my head.
Well anyway, I was really surprised and even a little bit sad because I don't try to be that way at all. Especially not around people I like in a friendly sort of way.

*nods* somtimes I feel like my body is just some kind of useless thing; I would make more sense and probably be even happier overall if some people took my brain out of my body and just "extracted" my thoughts and ideas from it. They can take whatever they want out of what they find, but I don't have to offer my own input in a social setting with the fear of being misinterpreted. I guess that's how I feel about all this; misinterpreted.

"You tend to come off as extremely condescending and pretentious, which puts people into a defensive mode because you're asking pointed questions using extremely 'I'm better than you' words and tones."

I mean there is a part truth to it, I do tend to ask pointed questions, because I feel like when I beat around the bush my point ends up never getting really made so I'd rather just go straight to the point. I just can't imagine myself resorting to using, as he called it, "I'm better than you" words and tones. I guess I can get impatient, but usually it's because I feel like the person I'm talking to misintepreted me or is being impatient with me and I get frustrated.

I think people might be intimidated by our knowledge. A girl who I am casually acquainted with basically told me that people were scared because the way I speak is not cushioned by colloquial speech, and it is too factual and pedantic. (She actually said "You use big words and you sound too smart and it is harsh.") ...so that's how I interpreted it. I am actually required to participate in speech therapy because of the pedantic speech "problem" (take note of my sarcastic quotation marks..)

Heh, that is kind of interesting. I was always aware that I spoke more, "formally" than other people, but it's just out of habit; it's what I'm comfortable with. I don't talk down to people who use slang, that's what they're comfortable with. I've observed that a lot of people seem to focus on word selection and syntax too much in casual conversation in comparison to the actual idea being conveyed. Who cares if I'm talking like this or if im tlking liek this as long as the person I'm talking to understands what I'm trying to say or what I'm feeling?

Besides the pedantic speech, I think it can be easy for us to appear as know-it-alls because we don't tend to engage in superficial, small-talk based conversation. People don't realize that throwing factual information at them is the only way you can really make conversation that you actually enjoy.

That's sad. I don't see anything wrong with having pedantic speech or in communicating in a straightforward, factual manner. This is just another way people are trying to get you to blend in with the rest of the society. Making everyone look, think, and act in the same way is stupid.

To be honest, better to hear it now from someone who cares about you than find out years later that people have been saying it behind your back all along. Knowledge is half the battle, eh?

You do need to weigh up the likelihood of it being true however. Sometimes siblings can say things that reflect their own defects as much as yours. Whilst he may have a point, it may also be exacerbated by his own issues, so in reality may much less of your problem than he is implying.

But it does hurt to be told something like that, I agree with you 100%. It'll feel sore for a while, but then you'll need to decide what to do about it.

As bad traits go, it's irritating but not unfixable. It's up to you whether you care what people think of you. If you do (and I would recommend this to some degree), then it's just a matter of practice over time.

Thank you for the advice

Personality traits and the like are things I sometimes feel like I understand fully and other times feel like I don't have a clue. It seems that one's personality is like a hot air balloon made of a thin material; pretty much the whole thing is very fragile and although it will fly, anyone can take a stab at any point and create a hole anywhere on the balloon. Sometimes holes will even just seem to manifest out of nowhere. It's just every time we patch one hole, another one shows up somehow, forcing us to constantly patch ourselves to remain in flight. Sometimes people just can't do it and end up crashing.

You're welcome I know that feeling all too well! I think it's relatively normal to fluctuate between extremes of high and low self esteem, especially when young.

I like the balloon analogy actually; if you think about it that way, then it makes perfect sense to continuously assess your personality; fly too high, and people see you as obnoxious and burn you; fly too low and you crash all by yourself... the aim is to fly somewhere in between. It probably gets easier to fine tune the flight path as you get older, but I doubt anyone on this planet could afford to sit back and say "I'm perfect" and let go of the controls altogether.

I like what you added; we all start out as unskilled/inexperienced pilots, but as we get older we begin to learn our "balloon" inside and out and can work with it better, but even the most skilled and experienced pilots still have to pay attention, for if they don't, suddenly there will be holes all over the place that will take awhile to repair, and they will begin to sink. There are also atmospheric conditions that prevent us from flying too high and physical consequences that discourage us from flying too low.

I hope I understood that right.

My dad and stepmother called me a snob and a nerd when I was 14 for the same kinds of reasons you describe. It was very hurtful, but later I realized that people criticize and call names when they are feeling insecure. Think about it next time when you see someone and a critical thought pops in your head, then examine how you're feeling about yourself at that moment. I have always found that if I do that it's because of a problem I'm having about myself. Your brother's probably somewhat intimidated by your erudition.

Yup, that's my gist

Happymusic.. that is the cutest picture on the internet

Thanks, I have a whole family with little baby bunnies in my yard as we speak. I accidentally watered one in the garden the other day. Poor little thing almost had heart attack.