WHY IS THE VICTIM ALWAYS BLAMED

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Whether it's bullying, sexual abuse, verbal put downs, or any kind of harassment, the minute someone stands up for themselves, people flock around the abuser and pat them on the back for having to endure your "attack." How can this world be so sick. Please, tell me someone, who else feels like this?

Happened to me often, but I realized that it was due to the disproportionate amount of force I used; there's a "socially acceptable" way for things to be handled, and when someone goes outside of such, no matter how justified (people don't realize that verbal bullying can be just as hurtful as physical), said person is then the one in fault.

My final essay at uni was exactly on this topic, you can look up to Melvin Lerner's theory about the so called belief in a just world

it's really sad, especially sexual abuse, people can always think of things to blame the victim...
it's so unfair
i realised this in high school and asked everyone in my class about it
and EVERYONE blame the victim

from wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just-world_phenomenon

Just-world phenomenon

The just-world phenomenon, also called the just-world theory, just-world fallacy, just-world effect, or just-world hypothesis, refers to the tendency for people to want to believe that the world is just so strong that when they witness an otherwise inexplicable injustice they will rationalize it by searching for things that the victim might have done to deserve it. This deflects their anxiety, and lets them continue to believe the world is a just place, but often at the expense of blaming victims for things that were not, objectively, their fault.

Another theory entails the need to protect one's own sense of invulnerability. This inspires people to believe that rape, for example, only happens to those who deserve or provoke the assault. This is a way of feeling safer. If the potential victim avoids the behaviors of the past victims then they themselves will remain safe and feel less vulnerable.

Basically people NEED to believe that the world is a just place after all, where consequences are coeherent with preceeding actions, otherwise nobody would engage in long term activities. Believing is positively correlated with psychological well being. An innocent victim is at odds with such belief, therefore people are driven to psychologically rearrenge the situation in order to see the victim as deserivng his/her fate. And the precious belief in a just world is restored...

In terms of hate crimes of any kind such as bullying: if that is Aspiphobia then neurotypicals violate an AS person's civil rights such as the right to self defence. If that self defence is verbal then the aspie is accused of being an a***hole or using AS as an excuse. If that self defence is against apiphobic violence then the Aspie is blamed and dealt with harshly. A neurotypical may get the ploice out and hope that they would beat the aspie to death in a police cell the way Black people were treated in the 1970's. Other type cases there case of balming the victim and this alienates people. Why it is done, I don't know.

You mean like "Karma"? It's amazing how many people believe that bad Karma against other people works in their favor.

It's because people hate us, and they wish that we were never born.

I had to endure a lot of that in school. I think I was blamed because I did not know how to explain what happened. I also was unintentionally doing things that provoked others & I had a long history of having lots of problems. When a person's having problems in most every situation he/she is in & the abusers are manipulative & do not seem to have problems getting along with others; people assume that the abused is bringing it on themselves. Being a cr@p-magnent for abuse is a vicious cycle

Last edited by nick007 on 12 Jul 2010, 11:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

People are sick creatures. They stand up for their friends even if they are the bad guys and I have been seen as a bully for standing up for myself but you know what. I take that as I won and they couldn't take it. I wasn't weak.

And I think people don't like it when victims stand up for themselves so they think badly of them and say they are the bullies.

Actually, it was this very concept that inspired this thread. I know someone who's a chronic verbal abuser (my dad). More than chronic; constant. But that person's siblings (my aunts and uncles) will side with them, no matter what, basically even if they know that person's dead wrong. Let me tell you, the abuse is horrendous, hypocritical, and practically endless. That's why he never changed, either! People patting him on the back saying he's just fine. Psshh, what the hell.

Good actions/person lead to good outcomes, bad actions/ person lead to negative outcomes...we need to believe this....hence a victim must definitely be guilty...

My abusers/bullies have always blamed me. Worse, if I stand up to them, I am the bad guy. I am just expected to take the abuse no matter how severe or who the perpetrator is. It seems some people are applauded for fighting back, others like myself are told to put up & shut up. I've never heard any theories such as a "just world" before. I guess this is the modern version of stoning. It pretty much does the same thing, just without actually throwing stones.

This has happened to me too. It felt like the twilight zone. On two occasions that had a profound effect on my life, I was verbally attacked by a manipulative bully and everyone dumped on me and called it my fault, and I ended up being shunned.

I think that people who are sly enough to launch a campaign to ostracize someone from a group are narcissistic types who are self-appointed leaders and very adept at currying favor and swaying the opinions of others. What is hard to understand is why others go along with it. Aspes tend to be very sensitive to injustice and very logical, so we don't fall for these manipulations, but it means we become the targets.

I only wish more people were aware of this phenomenon so they might recognize it when it's being done to someone they know.

I wish the teachers wer more aware cuz whenever I did anything to defend myself; the bullies would complain to the teacher & I ended up in trouble. I never understood why people are stupid enough to actually believe that a guy who is psychically weak would attack a group of kids when he was not provoked. I learned at an early age that I am better off not defending myself. I think I'm incapable of actually defending myself due to a learned thing like PTSD. I'd curl up in a ball instead Is it any wonder why I'm a little misanthropic sometimes(or lots of times)