Mom left us

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So, my mom left me and my father. I don't know if it's permanent. They're married. She's 54 and he's 58. Can you guys PLEASE give me some information? Is this normal sometimes?

Uhm... Do you know if they have problems? Do they ever fight? If so is it often? What do they fight about?

Sorry Jake, I wouldn't be able to tell you if it's permanent or not, but I hope whatever happens, you try your best to not let it prevent you from pursuing your goals in life. Changes in life can be difficult to cope with, especially for people with AS or autism, and I know it can be very frightening and upsetting when parents split up and one leaves. Maybe talk about it with your father, or mother if you can contact her, so maybe one of them can explain a little more what's going on to you, but also, try to focus more on your interests in life and school, because you will not be 12 for very long and you will be approaching adulthood before you know it.

No. It's not normal for a married couple to "leave" each other. I assume by leaving she left the house because she was angry. I'm sorry that you have to go through this. They might just be going through a rough patch.

Please understand that it is not your fault! And, yeah, it happens sometimes. But it is not your fault!

I will keep a good thought for you!

People divorce all the time. It IS "normal" in that it happens a lot. But it's not really a good thing if children are involved, unless one of the parents is abusive.

Ok. So do you guys think that she is just going so she doesn't hurt us? They get it an average amount of fights.

What are the fights about? Are they about you? I know alot of parents break up over their view on dealing with their child with a disability (it almost happened to mine and I decided to move out so it would get better and it did) (I also left to get way from the abusive household itself though) so there is a chance they are arguing about how to raise you. Maybe you should ask them if they are fighting about you and it might make them stop and think what they are doing to you and your child psyche.

I'm very sorry for what you're going through. My parents had fights but never split up. I hope everything turns out okay.

No matter what the fights are about, or why they are having problems, it is not your fault. Even if they are disagreeing on how to raise you, it is still a disagreement between your mother and father. Half of all marriages in the US, unfortunately, do end in divorce. You need to know that no matter what happens between your parents, it is between them, and the fact that they are not getting along has nothing to do with you. I hope your parents explain to you what's going on so that at least you can understand. I know change is hard for those of us with AS, and I wish you the best in dealing with it.

~Kate

I don't think the fights are about me.

I'm sorry about your mother leaving you. I hope that you feel better, soon. Here's a Sid hug. :O)

My dad left a couple of times--always "ran away" to *his* parents when things got too much for him to handle. Always came back after he calmed down. I suspect it was his only way of dealing with a meltdown. Does your mom have autistic traits? If so, that might explain things.

I betcha she does. Thanks so much for giving me that information. I think that's what she might do.

There's not really much you can do. Your parents have to sort out their own relationship issues themselves. Just know that it's probably not about you, and if they do end up breaking up, they probably wouldn't have been happy staying together.

Being a child of divorce isn't easy, but at least you get double the presents. That's a plus, right?

Well. I think she's gone forever. And guess what? I'm HAPPY. I've come to peace with it. Even though my dad has to work and I'm home alone. I'm HAPPY!