I am trapped inside myself

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There's something I've been wanting to post about for a while but every time I try to start making it, I cant get past a few sentences. The important stuff I want to say is a couple paragraphs ahead of where I need to start & I do not know how to explain the beginning. I want to post cuz this stuff has been on my mind a lot for a long time & I think I could help sort stuff out by posting but it seems impossible for me to even organize my thoughts enough on it to post. I have even more problems offline. I do not say much about myself offline to people because I can not figure out what to say, how to say it or even if it's appropriate to say. I am trapped in my mind & I can not have a deep meaningful connection to the world or others. People tell me I'm in my own world & they are rite because I am incapable of functioning & expressing myself in the real world. I do not feel real offline around others; I feel kinda like I do when I;m playing a video-games. There was only one time in my life when I ever felt real & truly alive & that was when I was in a relationship & probably why I fell in love with her because I did have that connection with her. The rezone I desperately want a relationship is so I can find someone else to have a connection with. Is this common amongst Aspergers & is there anything I can do because it seems highly unlikely that I'll find someone else to have a connection with anytime soon

Yes. Remember, AS/autism involves a spectrum of communication/processing disorders.

Here's something that helped me in an intermediate phase.

When you're talking to people in real life, imagine that this is an exchange on an Internet forum, but you have to come up with replies a lot faster.

After a short while you will discover that your responses are more focused and closer to what you actually want to say.

I think most, if not all of us aspies, are in the same boat as you are.

I went through the first 32 years of my life having major difficulties with interacting with other people.. I had been diagnosed with Autism at age 4, but my mother never told me about it until I was 32 years old, and.. well, we can't go back and repeat those years. I can't think of anything other than selfishness and ignorance that made her hide that information from me.

I joined the military at age 21, and amazingly, lasted 11 years without getting into any trouble. In the health care field! It did give me a crash course in interaction with other people, but it was a long, painful process. Many friendships did not work out due to my odd behavior. Nor did my relationships with the opposite sex (I'm a male in my late 30s).

I've come a long way since then... but I still have some difficulties.. so believe me. You're not the only one who feels this way.

I'll try that but it takes me a long time to figure out what to say on forums so the pressure mite be rough at 1st but it's worth a shot. It's odd but in that relationship I did NOT have these issues; I felt almost like a normal NT with her & it felt good. I was not in my own world then

I can very much relate to those feelings of paralysis and disconnection. I had childhood friends that I had known for so long I couldn't remember meeting them but with unfamiliar people I couldn't connect. I gradually learned by working in the service industry because that requires interaction. The most dramatic change came when I became medicated for depression. One of the unexpected benefits was that I became much less anxious about interacting with people.

In addition to treating real life exchange as Internet ones, try looking slightly past the person when talking. When you look into a person's eyes they can "steal your soul", or more pragmatically, interrupt your thoughts.

Eventually you should resume looking people in the eyes, but in intermediate stage it can help greatly to focus slightly off their face.

Hello

This is my first post - I am new to the forums.

I feel very similar to this a lot of the time too. I was also in a relationship during which I was really happy - always thinking "so this is what life is supposed to be like". Ever since it ended about 3.5 years ago I often get stuck in my head, thinking about how it went wrong. In the end she told me I'd never be able to make anyone happy, being the way I am. She was talking about my communication problems in the relationship, and social functioning (how it made her friends and family perceive me), and problems with being overwhelmed by certain situations and not being able to think straight and organize my thoughts resulting in being in a paralyzed state when she had bigger expectations of me. I didn't know about AS then. Anyways I'm always thinking about being in a relationship again because it was the only time I was really happy and fulfilled, but then I automatically start to replay in my mind a selection of the many memories I have of all the experiences that led up to her saying I'd never be able to make anyone happy and I feel foolish for thinking I could be in a relationship again. I don't have confidence for it - I don't really have a lot of confidence socially anyway.

I can tell you since you asked what you can do, something that works to an extent for me... maybe it will help. I wanted to play guitar since I was in high school when I heard a solo instrumental acoustic guitarist perform - the most talented musician I've seen. I started to learn a couple years ago and it has been great. I am a bit obsessed (practice for 30+ hours a week on top of a full time job) but find it redirects my focus onto something constructive and I spend less time feeling depressed and hopeless. I still have my bouts, and some worse that others, but it's not constant like it used to be. Now I'm a student of that guitarist I saw those years ago and I'm proud of that.

Good luck to you, I hope you find your connection.

I've worked in retail Aimless & I can kind of fake/pretend to have a connection when inside I do not. I was on meds for about 5 years & I feel more real off em.

I never look people in the eye monsterland. I tend to look down or away from people but I'm very nearsighted so people who know me are probablly not bothered by that but trying to look past people sounds like a good idea to practice.

I'm really sorry to hear that OverlookHotel. I can kind of relate but the thing with me was that I did NOT have those problems with her. I was a different person in a way. It was long distance thou & she was having some problems & I was very dependent on her because I felt kind of unreal without her. Things fell apart cuz of all that thou. It was like a switch got turned in my brain. It's kind of like when someone is born death. They know they are missing out & not like others but they are not really sure how or what they are missing out on; then then the person suddenly gets normal hearing for a bit only to lose it & go back to being death. That's kind of how it was for me with my mind. I don't know how else to turn that switch back unless I find someone else.