So close, and yet so far :O

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i'm still about $200 short...
i need a cigarette, this is depressing.

$200 short for what? A cigarette? Don't you think jumping off of a bridge would be a cheaper way to kill yourself?

of having enough money to be able to see my GF. She lives in Indiana. She found out recently that she has stomach cancer.
I think there's a thread about it in the General Discussion forum that Hale_bopp made

Ahh. Well there's no point giving yourself cancer too. But, as I said in your birthday thread, I hope she turns out alright in the end.

Yeah, i'd actually been trying to quit when that came up...
but it's made it really hard to; this past week i've just been overloaded to the breaking point with stress. I feel like a wreck, i'm just so tired, and things only seem to be getting worse. The donations thread is and has been dying for some time now, i've hard been able to get ahold of her this past week, and when i have been able to, she sounded so bad it was all i could do not to cry on the phone. I just wish i could go be with her right now, but she's about 2000 miles away in Indiana. & i'm still short about $200.

On top of that, before the cancer thing came up, i'd applied for financial aid for college that was supposed to come through this fall because i'd gotten it in too late for the summer quarter.
Now i'm not even sure if i'll be able to handle college with all that's going on. I'm not sure i could handle that stress on top of all this.

my dad's birthday gift was to give me his gas-guzzling old minivan that has several technical problems including a broken speedometer. It also reeks of mold and in fact is moldy because he used it to haul garbage to the dump. That stench will probably never come out no matter how many air fresheners are opened in there. It has expired tags too. & lord knows that on the $339/month disability pay i'm getting, i can hardly afford rent, let alone gas money and car insurance payments. I honestly don't know what he was thinking.

to sum it up, my birthday was one huge suckfest of terrible hand-me-down "presents," speculation of a bleak financial future, & even worse relationship news.

i just want to punch god in the face.
& leap off a bridge.

but i'm just not suicidal at all. & besides, she still might pull through okay.
But if some serial killer should happen to decide to snipe me from a rooftop, i wouldn't complain much.
So no matter how much s**t happens to me in life, all i can do is take it.

sorry, i just had to vent...

I thought the tumour was in her head? Was it metastatic stomach cancer?

Oh, no i just had it confused for a bit.
She'd originally only said that they found a tumor and complained of headaches alot at first, so i naturally assumed it has a head tumor.
but apparently the headaches were a symptom of the anemia 'caused by her stomach tumor because she was bleeding a little bit into her gut and had bloody stools (medical term for finding blood in the poop).

What the f**k
Just when i thought things were at their worst.
I just found out this morning that i'm going to be evicted this month for stupid reasons. I guess in all the months i've been living where i am, my roomie, the main tenant, has neglected to tell the landlord that anyone else was living here besides herself. WTF
So now he wants my mom & my sister out by the end of the month.
But for some reason (Probably age discrimination) he wants me out by the 16th.
I'm pissed. I'm being kicked out for something that wasn't even my fault.
I have half a mind to demand my portion of the rent refunded
But i prolly wouldn't get it because it's technically not the landlord's fault, it's my roomie's.

which means i'm probably going to have to move back into my dad's house.
It was crowded there when i left, i doubt that's changed. & i can't stand my dad.
He's always nagging me to get a good paying job. I'VE TRIED. I've tried getting any job in fact, & still trying, but it isn't that easy for me. He's not very understanding of AS and seems to be in denial of it, clinging to the delusion that maybe i'm just lazy, and that if he guilt-trips me enough and nags, and pushes, that i'll magically get a job right off the bat that pays $30,000-50,000 a year and be wildly successful .
I tried the Navy, they kicked me out for having AS. I've tried other places, but don't seem to have enough experience to satisfy any place. My interview skills are beyond terrible.
My dad seems to have his heart set particularly on me getting a job in the local shipyard. I went to the last job-fair for the shipyard and there were literally no less than 5,000 other applicants. I knew the second i walked in there that my chances were f****d.

The job market in western washington is just a joke right now for most people. I somehow got a job in kent, I work 12am-5am, no phones, no customers, all we do is move pallets from truck to truck, and we get paid well. It's really nice for someone with asperger's.

To get a shipyard job you need a family connection these days, longshore is really, really hard to get into regardless of disabilities counted for.

Oh that sucks!! ! I hope you guys are able to find a place to live right away. Regarding jobs, does the state's disability office have any sort of placement program or anything? Virginia provides a service like that, so maybe there's a corresponding one in Washington...?

i know, right? I've applied at nearly every place within a couple miles of here with no luck.
the shipyard i meant though was the naval shipyard in Bremerton.
I tried to get a job through Skookum too, but apparently having anything less serious than severe mental retardation must not count for s**t over there as far as disabilities go. I couldn't even get a janitorial job.

But yeah, that sounds like a pretty nice job. I'm pretty much a night owl anyways, so something like moving pallets late nights wouldn't be so bad.

i tried getting job assistance through some kind of state thing already (www.dshs.wa.gov/dvr/ ), but they turned me down. Apparently AS isn't considered serious enough i guess .

as for a place to live, i'll prolly end up living at my dad's place.
Idk, about my mom & sister though. My sister's not welcome at my dad's place anymore, and my parents are divorced so my mom's just going to have to find something on her own. Likely they'll both end up staying at the local Women's Shelter until they can figure something out...

My father has always been the same way. He accepts that I have AS now, but will never understand what that means exactly. And he often still has the "just go out and get any old job" attitude, as if it were that easy.

That's pretty much all I do. Move pallets at night hours.

Granted I don't really have alot of hobbies anyway I don't mind working those hours, I moreso look forward to it because I'm not doing anything anyways.

exactly, it sounds like a peaceful quiet way to kill time and make a living at the same time.

Ideally i'd like to work in a major bookstore like Barnes & Noble or Borders though.
I love to read. A job like that would be totally awesome