More of me being miserable

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I've started to feel really bored with life most of the time in addition to being depressed. Even when my mood feels better I don't have much of an interest in anything.

I'm colder and more indifferent to people. The number of people I care about is at a low point and I don't like or respect just about any of my relatives anymore. Can't say I have many friends I care about either.

I feel like I haven't succeeded in getting any of the things I really wanted out of life.

Since September last year when I first broke down mentally, I haven't really had any direction or purpose in my life. I'm the kind of person who probably needs that. But finding a different direction was proving difficult even before I got to the point I'm at now when I can't do much of anything.

Trying to do things, failing at them, and feeling worse than I probably would have if I hadn't tried is also becoming a pattern in my life.

Finding the right medication, therapist, and psychiatrist has also been a pain in the ass. It's gotten to the point where it's a source of further frustration and depression. Seeing the lives of a lot of my relatives even with those things isn't encouraging either. I wouldn't want to be my mom.

I don't know what I am, where I'm going, or what I'll do when I get there.

You're bloody 23 ! !! Did you think you were going to be Mozart ??? Very few of us have gotten our heads on straight by that age. Give yourself time, and if the process of finding a good therapist overwhelms you, then stop the process ! !! ! Live your life, and quit being so wrapped up in yourself. Find something that excites passion in your heart and pursue it.
And for God's sake, change your facebook picture, ecccchhhh ! !!

I don't have any passion anymore. My head isn't only not screwed on right, it's about to come off. And I like my Facebook picture. It's someone who looks on the outside like I feel on the inside. Maybe I have an obsession with blood.

Surely there must be something you can pursue. SOMETHING that interests you. That picture on your facebook page must come from some odd movie, perhaps you're interested in offbeat cinema?? You say you need a direction, but then you say you have no passion. Maybe you should start studying something that you can make a living at wholly from a money standpoint.

It's from an MMA fight. And my problem is that I need a direction but at this point I'm so depressed, bored, and unmotivated that it's seemingly impossible to find one much less act upon it.

Well, if you're THAT depressed, perhaps you do need to see a doctor and get some meds. I got to that place and got an Rx for celexa. Instead of a therapist, you may need to see an MD.

I am on meds, just have to keep changing because they seem mostly ineffective.

In that case, try getting out and about. Go to some place like a beautiful river bank. Or even a coffee shop, get a book and a cuppa and just relax and watch the other people. Check out the attractive ladies. Read some funny or cheerful books. I don't know what MMA is, but perhaps there are people who share that interest. My goodness, the first time I saw the crowds that attend those professional wrestling matches, I was amazed. People cheering like ancient romans in the colliseum ! !!