oh, crrraaaaapppp....

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where to start...

Well, my husband this morning started talking about sh*t and how I don't communicate, accusing me of being dishonest because I don't communicate things (sometimes I don't tell him things if I think he's going to yell about them, that much is true, but I really can't handle it right now )and I did tell him (once again) about how the AS makes it hard for me to communicate especially when it comes to emotional things, and I feel that I cannot effectively advocate for myself and what I need and want. It's like talking to a brick freaking wall. AND, he refuses to go to therapy with me, has refused for six months or more. Says it's "all my responsibility" because "my problems caused all this".

I know that I'm going to have to leave. I'm just trying to get my sh*t together so that my kids experience the least upheaval in their lives. Not having close friends makes this so much more difficult. I don't want to stay, but I don't want to be alone the rest of my life either. If I had no kids I'd commit suicide.

~Kate

your not alone you've got your kids. I know the feeling sometimes....got accused of being dishonest with doctor all she gave me was gas/cramp medication and the next day I passed out from pain. Then got a 2nd opinion and come Tuesday she was pissed I did that. Oh freaking well. I hate how NT ppl always assume even when you tell them your not communicating well and you tell them that they tell you you are being dishonest. I've lost another 12 lbs. Guess I get to go see a specialist this week. If you have the finances to do it moving out might be good....I've got one semester after this before I can get a job.

You can't be the source of all the problems in your household. Your husband has to take some of the responsibility. If he's not willing to go to therapy with you, then you can't rely on him in that regard, but it sounds like you really need to speak to someone, with or without him. If you break up, that's not a guarantee that you'll be alone for the rest of your life either.

Meow101: please don't break up your marriage if you can at all avoid it. My parents are currently getting divorced due to what I know are their own reasons and it's still very very hard on me. Feel free to PM me if you want to ask about it.

I think it depends on the circumstances. My parents divorcing was one of the best things that ever happened to me. They were on a direct course to murdering one another (I'm not exaggerating). When my mother remarried, she was happy and had a loving relationship that really helped me have a better perspective of what a healthy relationship is like. Divorce is hard but staying together when the couple is very unhappy and there seems to be no possibility for reconciliation is more detrimental to kids than a split. Besides, it also opens the way for new people in the family. My stepdad is one of the most important people in my life and I wouldn't have ever met him had my parents stayed together.

double post

*love the tornado avatar...I'm a weathergeek*

It does depend on the circumstances...with me, I worry that if I get any more depressed I will become non-functional and that won't do anyone any good, even if I were willing to stick around for a few more years till my youngest child gets a bit older (she's 9 now). I have some health concerns as well that are aggravated by my chronic sleep deprivation, not to mention the meltdowns (had a couple, which I haven't had in years, fortunately none that were extreme, but it really bothers me that I've had them).

Y'all have more faith that I won't necessarily be alone than I do....he's been telling me that no one else will put up with me and my weirdness for so long that I believe it... But I may have to deal with it anyway

~Kate

Thursday will mark the 15th anniversary of my biological parents splitting. One of the best things that ever happened to me.


Cheers,

TH

What your husband is doing is classic abuse--isolating you from the rest of the world and convincing you that you are worthless. Please, please, please do what is best for you, and your children, and get out of this situation.

What really sucks is that he says all this sh*t in front of my kids and then they say stuff to me like that I'm lucky to have him and all this crap. I can't deal with this much more...

~Kate

"You're lucky to have me" is about as close as anybody can come in five words to wearing a "Hi, I'm an Emotional Abuser!" t-shirt.

It's not for me to tell you what to do, but he sounds like bad news.


Cheers,

TH

Oh yeah, he's said sh*t like other guys would have beaten me if they had to put up with me and my AS traits...the crap he did today was mild, but in the context (of wanting me to "work things out"...who the hell knows WHY if I'm so bad...what a mind f**k) it was just weird.

~Kate

Takes two to tango - sounds to me [based on past experience likde he has discovered the best defense is attack - and the best way to feel P is to put somebody down. I could name names. Best wayt to be right is to define what someone else does as wrong.

I have NOT got solutions.

Only you can get to solutions. But you are not / will not be alone.

QFT

You need to escape the mind games.

Meow, all I can do is send you a hug and I really feel for your situation.

Take good care of yourself, and let us know how you are going.

Mics

Thanks, everyone. This morning he's been acting like somebody p!ssed in his cheerios, being nasty for no apparent reason...I can't deal with this. I don't understand him.

Add: I asked and he says "I'm unhappy"...like DUH. I'm a fraction of a millimeter from suicidal. He's unhappy because the 'problem' is something that's hard wired and I can't take a pill or "therapy" it away. Boohoo.

~Kate