I feel so alone

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I've tried to solidify friendships but it seems as if most people don't have time for me.

Here's what happened. I asked some people I know if they wanted to go ice-skating. I knew some of the people pretty well, others not-so-well. I had the ulterior motive that the ice-skating was going to be a bonding experience. No one wanted to come.

Now I've tried a similar thing with laser tag. So far i've asked about 60 people and 3 have said maybe. I am wracking my brains wondering whether the others don't want to play tag or they hate my guts, and I think it may be the latter.

It's not that I don't want friends, I do. Otherwise I wouldn't have suggested going out to play laser tag. Personally I wouldn't have a problem if they couldn't come because they hated me, that way i could banish them from my life.

What do I do?

Try an activity which is less costly or something?
A trip to a nightclub/pub, something less regimented?

Hi,

Sorry that you are feeling so alone. I think many in this forum feel/have felt the same way.

You could start small with the three people interested and build up to a larger group instead of trying to have a party of people in one try. Making friends is hard work, especially for people on the spectrum. Maybe those others don't know enough about you to have an opinion of you yet. I would not write them just yet off because you think they may have written you off.

ok, so here's what i do...

if i am organizing an outing i invite only the people i know and like pretty well (3 to 10 at maximum). but then, i ask those people to invite their friends (and even make suggestions as to some people we mutually know). that way, my more popular friends are inviting most of the people, because those other people might not come if it was me who asked them. over time, i have made friends with some of these extended networks of people. but asking them directly would not have worked for me.

also, i keep the first few outings as something non-athletic, non-competitive, and very general - like, a pint of beer at the pub, or a milkshake at a new restaurant. i think people are more comfortable at casual activites at first, then once they get to know each other better they may enjoy something more structured or active.

NTs and aspies both feel a bit awkward at new social situations (we are just more-so).

Do they maybe not know you well enough to feel comfortable accepting?
Maybe you need to socialise more with them first i.e. go to social events, sit with them or talk? I've noticed people tend to invite people they see regularly at other social events (which is a bit of a catch 22 if you struggle with this I know). It doesn't seem to be connected to if they like you, but whether they actually remember you! I find it easier to go to things other people arrange, things I arrange tend to be very awkward and shake my confidence.

There could be lots of reasons e.g. the way you are asking. It is easier to say yes if you say this Saturday 7pm at a place, rather than saying do you want to go ice-skating. If you ask expecting a no answer e.g. you don't want to go to ice-skating do you-it would put people off as they like people to be enthusiastic and sell it to them.

Have you tried Facebook or text (for fewer people though as expensive)?

Me too, its hard having little social sense.

Have you thought of getting a skateboard and just hanging out at a skatebowl, or getting a bmx? Any group with a common interest could be fine.

Usually those skater guys are used to freaks like us.