27 Sep 2010, 2:13 pm
Without details......Someone that I virtually did not know (he's no longer around) was hellish to me. Worse, this ignoramous was in a professional position of authority, and a flaming bigot. He made nasty comments to me about AS, in sheer ignorance, with related cutting and callous comments - way out of line. Along with a quasi-sexual innuendo and more. Cutting me down hard.
I know, cognitively, he was wrong (and unethical - downright nasty). He's now gone and I'm in a better venue. But, my question: How to not mentally rehearse the event, thus reinflicting the pain? Or withhold from questioning myself, turning questions over in my mind. Like what I should have said......sigh. In reality, there's nothing I could have done EXCEPT leave - or slap him hard. I was beyond tolerant, to the point of "letting him." But, in my defense, due to his postion and mine, it was in my best interest to placate (e.g. ignore!) his bigotry.
I reported him later, of course, but I doubt he cares. He's been reprimanded, but it was just a slap-on-the-wrist (or less). How to do you immunize yourself from poisonous thoughts, replaying the incident and all the possible moves? Dang, wish karma was real. I hate him. And I'm hurt 
27 Sep 2010, 2:47 pm
This person passed away (when you mentioned he's no longer around?) I know what you mean by bigots. Having AS makes it hard sometimes. I'm sorry what this person did to you.
27 Sep 2010, 3:06 pm
27 Sep 2010, 3:11 pm
27 Sep 2010, 3:24 pm
Oh, thank you......I know to "forget" but that's so hard.
I don't think I wrote that part properly (re: above) - he didn't pass away but instead I relocated to a better academic environment. (He's supposedly very near retirement). I guess he's gone in the sense that I'll never have to deal with him again, but the hurt lingers.
Thank you, all. Good advice and I cannot undo what someone else did through ignorance.
Willard - I'm so sorry; that's so unfair
I do know that Aspies are especially hurt by bullying; it's part of our nature. I regret that bullying is so nebulous where we are left to have to take it.
27 Sep 2010, 3:50 pm
I know, cognitively, he was wrong (and unethical - downright nasty). He's now gone and I'm in a better venue. But, my question: How to not mentally rehearse the event, thus reinflicting the pain? Or withhold from questioning myself, turning questions over in my mind. Like what I should have said......sigh. In reality, there's nothing I could have done EXCEPT leave - or slap him hard. I was beyond tolerant, to the point of "letting him." But, in my defense, due to his postion and mine, it was in my best interest to placate (e.g. ignore!) his bigotry.
I reported him later, of course, but I doubt he cares. He's been reprimanded, but it was just a slap-on-the-wrist (or less). How to do you immunize yourself from poisonous thoughts, replaying the incident and all the possible moves? Dang, wish karma was real. I hate him. And I'm hurt
I'm sorry to see you being hurt.
Perhaps this might help:
http://www.bullyonline.org/action/action.htm
http://libcom.org/organise/dealing-with ... work-guide
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/ ... G_10026670
Practising some basic self-assertiveness skills can help you to feel better about yourself, and help you to deal with awkward situations that may arise.
Another way of helping yourself is to set about counteracting the effects the bullying has had on you. You may want to try counselling: it can help to have someone objective to talk to, who has the time to listen to how you are feeling, with no distractions. Note: a counsellor will not offer you advice on what to do, but explore how you are feeling and suggest ways to cope better with difficult situations.
Hope you feel better soon. *hugs*
27 Sep 2010, 7:47 pm
Labpet this man is near retirement so he must be in his 50s? He should know better then! I'm 32 and still get bullied. I thought once I got out of high school it would be better. NO WAY! Then college life was hard too. Even professors were mean to me. I had one professor that was so mean that I went to her boss! Now I'm in the work place and still get bullied.
HopeGrows
Veteran
Joined: 5 Nov 2009
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,565
Location: In exactly the right place at exactly the right time.
27 Sep 2010, 8:24 pm
27 Sep 2010, 10:43 pm
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 115,245
Location: the island of defective toy santas
27 Sep 2010, 11:00 pm
dealing with bullies is mostly a no-win situation, in that if you give them the thrashing they so richly deserve, it will be YOU that gets called on the carpet, NOT THEM. if you just take their crap, it will be YOU not THEM that gets chronic heartburn, elevated cortisol levels, higher risk of disease and premature death. either way, there is major stress involved- getting fired or put in jail versus being existentially impotent. what a choice. makes one rather not get up in the morning 
27 Sep 2010, 11:04 pm
