Hi I've been in a relationship for almost 3 years now off and on. This is my first relationship and I can't stop ruining it. My girlfriend is a very strong willed person who tells me what to do since I'm usually to afraid to make a decision because I'm afraid of upsetting her.
She is in college for a psychology major and is constantly analyzing me which scares me a lot since I can never understand how she feels with her being raised by police parants she hides all emotion. She came into my life and kind of forced me into the relationship I didn't like her but I couldn't say anything because I have had no prior girls even so much as talk to me.
I have no friends people tend to completly ignore me everytime I speak they tend to just start talking to someone else while im in middle of sentance all the while I'm trying to make eye contact. All in all I have 0 social skills 0 friends I have had and lost 7 jobs just this year. I've been fired for not being able to talk to coworkers asking to many questions never smiling and worst of all is the fear... I have went to leave for work get halfway there get scared and pull my car onto the shoulder and actually let all the air out of my tires...
My girlfriend is always angry or stressed about something which causes me to try and talk with her which always ends with her crying and calling me an a**hole... she yells at me if I don't answer my cellphone by 3rd ring or within 3 minutes of a text message. I used to be obsessed with programming and 3d modeling but she doesn't allow me to use my computer anymore or she gets upset and now I get anxiety attacks when I do use it even with her permission. I don't know what to due my lifes never been good my parants didn't raise me well my father hit me daily my mom used to tell me I was an accedint my only friend raped me and whipped me with rose bush branches and afterwards went around middleschool telling everyone I sucked a 9 year olds penise. I had a child with a girl when I was 17 a one night stand inwhich I lost my virginity and she then disappered and is charging me 500 a month in childsupport and I am now at the $5,000 back child support which will mean a felony charge of child neglect.
I don't know what I expect to gain from posting here perhaps I just needed to tell someone who can actually think and understand me. Thankyou for your time and I am incredibly sorry for poor grammer and spelling I'm typing on my phone.
---------- zingah
06 Oct 2010, 1:40 am
