They're coming to take me away ha-ha

Post Reply New Topic

I went to the doctor last Tuesday. I waited 15 minutes, during which time an old enemy doctor of mine hung around in Reception doing nothing in particular. Have you ever seen a doc loitering in Reception? imho, they whiz by so fast you can't grab them. Then my own doc called me in - a new doc, of course, because I'm at the Community Health Centre. I get a new doc every time because nobody wants a file marked "Psychiatric."

So this extremely young doc grilled me about suicide, cutting me off and snapping "Why?" over and over - very gestapo. She wanted to send me up to the Psychiatric Dept at the hospital, and she repeated over and over "Will you go? Will you go?" Until finally I said No and she wrote that down.

I only go once every 6 months to get my meds renewed. It's supposed to easier than that.

When I got home I put 2 and 2 together - the experienced enemy doc must be coaching the baby doc. That makes sense. But the baby doc had not read my file, she was winging it. And then I thought of the emphasis on psychiatrists and hospitals ... are they trying to put me away? Can 2 docs sign me into a facility without my permission? I've researched that one - only if they get permission of a Judge. What is that, safety?

I went into Google and found zillions of people figuring out how to get into a hospital - the opposite of my situation. I'm terrified of hospitals, especially psych wards. People don't recover from the drugs they force on you when your admitted to a psych ward - I've seen it. And you have no privacy and you have to answer everything and I'd rather die - duh.

Sorry to be so long.

I got slammed with the greatest panic attack of my life. I'm into the 4th day and it's not abating. I had to go out to get money and food. I'm very experienced with panic. I think I can't but I know I can. It feels like I've got that light from a rifle right on me, several of them, and those approaching cars seem like tanks ready to fire. It's like seeking food in a fire fight. I came back with fruit salad and banana bread and turkey roll-ups with veg. I didn't know what I got till I got home - my vision wasn't working.

Now I've got money so I ordered food on line and they'll deliver.

But this panic attack - in spite of many, many tranqs (sorry about that) - the panic attack is impervious to xanax, which I've never seen before. It's also impervious to foot massage, the rosary, the radio (unfortunately tuned into story about stoning women to death).

I even managed to take the dog out - a whole 15 feet from the door but it was enough.

The baby doc - I told her December is horrible for me (Mom died 15th, Pa died 19th, etc.) and could I have an extra to keep me cool, and she said no because I would only commit suicide with it. Duh? Isn't she supposed to help me *not* commit suicide? Or does she think there are no methods other than pills? She wants to lock me up, doesn't she?

If the docs are ganging up on me, that's the last straw. I can leave the Community Clinic and I think I'll have to.

While I'm whining, wouldn't any of you click on my urls below, tell me what you think?

They have to consider you a potentially serious threat to yourself or to others before they can involuntarily commit you to a psychiatric locked facility. This can happen if you state that you are thinking of committing suicide. Unfortunately I've had to always lie and say no I have never even thought of suicide in order to get any help from anyone. The word "suicide" is what they call a tagged word and uttering it leads to a series of actions that you may not like or agree with. They will focus on that one word to the exclusion of anything else and behave very irresponsibly.

It does sound like they are trying to get rid of you by locking you up. Mental health professionals are supposed to exhaust other means first before hospitalizing someone. They are supposed to use suicide contracts, have someone check in on you by phone, maybe have a social worker come by periodically, or try outpatient hospitalization if you don't have a plan that you are ready to use. It sounds like you really need a different clinic and if possible, try not to have your old medical file follow you.