I think I'm becoming depressed again.

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I need to pour this out.

I just switched schools and I am living in a different city now. Although I was gung-ho about it a couple of weeks ago, I began to get very depressed. As of a few weeks ago, I haven't been eating or sleeping well. To make things worse, I haven't told my mom about any of this because I don't want her worrying about me. I've been missing classes and neglected to hand in an essay that was due last friday, simply because I've been too stressed out. It still isn't done because I have no idea how to explain any of this, seeing that I have no accomodations in place. I also missed an appointment to see the counselling office and am afraid to make another one because it takes WEEKS to even get an intake appointment.

I am horribly lonely. In the city, I saw friends at least 5 times a week. But the only people who live up here are the people I used to mentor or currently mentor...people with various issues in their lives which prevents me from having a reciprocal, "normal" relationship with them. There is a girl I knew from high school who is in the same program as me, but we are completely different people and have nothing in common.

I organized an event a little while ago to see some of the people I missed in the city that I used to live in. And there were some people I really missed and I hoped that they would get the hint and come to this thing...but most of them said "no", without an explanation. It gave me insight into the amount of "friends" I really have, which is very few. And although I love the people who wanted to come, nothing could change the fact that I wanted certian people there and that they were not coming. I miss them so much, but there is no way i would ask them "are we okay? are we still friends?" or say "even though we met once a year ago, i want to hang out with you more" because both methods are too interrogating, too creepy, and not socially acceptable. I ended up cancelling the event just because it was making me so depressed.

Why can't people just be honest with me? I wish everyone would tell me exactly how they felt about things instead of me having to guess.

As well, right now I am obsessed with this guy that I used to casually date before I started seeing my ex. I was obsessed with him before I fell in love with my ex, and now that the ex and I are just friends, I am experiencing a revival of my obsession over this guy. This guy is into a lot of crazy, mindblowing music that I listen to and get very inspired by.

A few weeks ago I told him that we should hang out...we decided to do it monday but he never got back to me on what time I should come over. This is not the first time this has happened with him...one of us messages each other about getting together and due to his unreliablity it never happens. I have been trying to distract myself from thinking about this guy but nothing has been working so far. I gave in and listened to some of the music he likes tonight and it inspired me so much that I cried. I miss him, but again, I can't tell him this. I hate social conventions so much right now.

Just wondering how I should tackle any of the problems I have listed above.

I'm too busy right now to write a long, detailed reply to this, but I will say a few things.

First of all, people may have been busy with something else that night. If it's school, I would say that is very possible. I saw that you've invited Naomi to the event. I've developed a very close friendship with her and have discovered that she has extreme difficulty keeping up with everything she has to do. She's arranged once to meet with me, and then didn't show up, and I saw her last Wednesday at a meetup about which she completely forgot and only came after I phoned her. Another thing may have been anxiety. Anxiety of meeting new people. Very many people, AS or NT, have trouble meeting new people.

I'm also missing someone right now, and I can't tell them now because it's too soon. I don't want to lose a friendship over my feelings. Although your situation is a bit different, we're still similar in that we are being held back by conventions.

Being in university, late October and November are bad times for socialization because its a time when everyone is just too busy to do anything other than school work.

As for doing your school work, last year I was suicidally depressed for six months. Now, I have just decided to preserver. Think of it like this: once you get your work done you are free to do whatever you want.

It also maybe part to do that the weather in Ontario has been sh***y over the past few weeks and maybe your suffering a bit of seasonal depression. Where I am its been cloudy and cold for the past two weeks.

This all sucks. Too much all at one time. No wonder why you're depressed.

I sounds like you don't feel safe talking to your mother, that she may overreact (she's gonna worry whether you tell her or not . . . she's a mother). Yet you don't know who else to turn to. You also sound frustrated with the counseling office and not sure if they can help (do they not have walk-in hours?). With all this, classwork seems overwhelming and a low priority (even though everyone and their uncle and their uncle's dog groomer think it should be your highest priority).

You want to see this guy who you have a history with because you know his positive attributes. However, you also know he can be unreliable. It's like he isn't keeping up his end of the bargain.

As far as dealing with your friends, you just sound completely misunderstood. Your event was just an attempt to keep in touch and nothing more than that. It also sucks that many people find it socially unacceptable or even creepy for you to attempt to open up a dialogue with people who you have interest becoming friends.

As far as tackling these problems, there are several things to do and don't take my advice as the be all end all. I would start with the counseling office. Even if it takes weeks, it's a start. You need to talk to someone. Talking to your mom might help, but it could also make matters worse if she pries. If you do, I hope it goes well. If listening to your friends music helps, then continue to listen even if the relationship between the two of you is not going so well. Is there a way of telling him you miss him without telling him you miss him (I was listening to such-n-such song and it was cool; do you have anything else I might like?)?

Another thing to ask yourself: Is being at your new school beneficial enough to endure this misery? Would leaving make things better, or would the bulk of the problems still exist (or even make things worse)? On the other hand, enduring may give you some confidence.

I hope this helps and things do start to improve for you.

I can definitely relate to being frustrated by people flaking. Over time I've become less affected by other peoples' flakiness by realizing that it's their problem, not mine.

Thank you everyone. Usually I bounce back very quickly if I tell someone about my problems: talking to others really lets everything go. One hour after I wrote this I snapped out of my depression and started getting things done. I had an exam today, so becasue of my optimism, I popped on a mix of my friend's music and started making really extensive notes and quizzes...it paid off. The exam ended up being ridiculously easy..I wouldn't be surprised if I got a 90.

The first thing I did after was call the counselling office...luckily they had a spot for me tomorrow afternoon...I'll get in there and talk about the essay and what I can do about it. Despite missing a few classes I am still doing well academically...I have an 84 average so far, although I could do SO much better. Regarding my mom: she's the one who knows me best, more than anyone else...I guess you could say that she's the only person I trust with my problems. But at the same time, she already has too much to deal with: my sister who has multiple disablities still lives at home, and my mom has to provide all of her activities to prevent her from melting down and going to the hospital...so every time I'm having problems, I feel like I don't want to burden my mom even further.

It just really, really, sucks being disconnected from everyone in the city. I have to miss out on an aquaintance's birthday party tomorrow evening because I have nowhere to stay afterwards, and I also missed out on another one's birthday a few weeks ago, as well as countless events. When you're a really social person and all of a sudden that's taken away: things become hard.

As for bringing everyone together, I guess I make too many assumptions. I adore meeting new people and make the stupid assumption that others do too. During my last two get togethers, people weren't mingling at all and stuck to the groups of people they came with. I HATED that, and I hated the fact that I had to go around and ask each person individually if they were feeling comfortable: I didn't want the pressure of doing that again.

People are flaky, indeed, and it's not fair. I just want to be good friends with people that I find interesting, but I hate how some people, in various ways, won't let this happen. This is what happens when you don't have a "crew" to hang out with: my friends are all from their own separate circles, and that makes things tough. As well, most of them aren't in school...there's some in school, yes, but a good chunk of them have jobs or are looking for ones...but either way, I have a tendency to take things personally whenever I get rejected in any way.

That's a shame about Naomi. She seems very interesting though, and she is one of those people whom I really want to be friends with or mentor. I wonder if there are any other ways we can connect with her...or does she not want to be connected with others at all? I know that the bulk of her friends are from youtube. Maybe she finds IRL social contact anxiety provoking?

TheWeirdPig - I never thought of explaining how I miss my friend in that sort of indirect way. Thing is, we haven't seen each other for months so we aren't as close as I would like...it would be creepy explaining that I remembered an artist he was telling me about months ago. Then again, I could always tell him I found it on his last.fm...although that's a little creepy too. UGH, why is everything I think of considered creepy?

It is way too bad our society is so uber-sensitive to the "creepy" factor. And those of use who are "different" are perceived creepy much more easily. It is true though that people with confidence are less likely to come across as being creepy. Building confidence may be something you might want to talk with your counselor about. Hopefully if she or he is any good, they can help you with that.

Good luck

Again, I'm very busy, but I'll respond to this last bit while my sleeping pills are still kicking in and my mind is yet in a semi-detached state.

A surefire way to connect with her is by calling her. Emails are okay, too, but she told me that she sometimes gets overwhelmed by e-mails, just like you do. You could try arranging a phone call with her by email, if you really want to talk with her again. I'm sure she'd love to talk to you again, too. I think the fact that the bulk of her friends are from youtube is due to her intense interests; most, if not all, of her friendships are based around her interests. I don't see her finding IRL social contact anxiety-provoking at all; she just often gets overwhelmed with everything she has to do and then crashes pretty easily.