I can't live anymore!! !! !!

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I hate my life and I can't live anymore yet I'm too scared to commit suicide so I am forced to live in pain. I have absolutely no life, barely any friends (and no female friends), I don't go out at all other than to college, which I hate and want to quit, but there is nothing else I can do instead. In college, I don't speak to anyone because I can't. The other day someone said to me "It's cold outside" and I just said "is it?". That was all I could think of. Pathetic. Everyone is so immature as well, in one of my other posts I mentioned how people poke me and rub my hair. Someone even jumped on me and I fell to the ground.

I hate it all and I want it to end. I bang my head against my wall and throw the nearest objects around the room, try and tear my hair out, and scream. There is literally no way out of this. I can't even get anti-depressants because I don't look depressed enough, and I can't tell anyone other than my mum about how I truly feel. I pretend I am okay to the world, but really inside there is monster trapped in a Hell in which there is no escape. Has anyone, anyone in the world felt like this??

I do believe that I can somewhat relate to what you are saying, and I do sympathize with how you are currently feeling.
Here is a big hug.
*HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG*

It is GREAT that you do NOT want to commit suicide. That would be the very worst thing to do; NEVER commit such an act. *Hug*

Some people in education are idiots, and I am sorry they are being so stupid and acting in such a petty way.

By the way - to react in the way you did socially is not at all pathetic, it is just social shyness, that's all.

I believe you are describing quite a strong meltdown - I get them from time to time. Meltdowns are horrible. *Hug*

To not be allowed anti depressants for that reason sounds a bit incompetent on the doctor's behalf - depression doesn't always show easily, and Professionals should be more careful. I am sorry about that. *Hug* I hope that situation resolves itself soon. ^^

Whilst it is true that a number people experience pain to this degree, it is also true that nobody is inside anyone else's head, so everyone's experiences are unique to themselves.

You have my support, Simonono. I will send you PM's if you like. If you want, I can talk to you and be your friend.

Take care of yourself. *Hug* ^^

I am sad that you feel like this. I have been through difficult phases myself and I know that sometimes you just can't take any more.

One thing you should remind yourself of is that you don't have to live like people expect you to live. If there is anything you take pleasure in and it is considered inappropiate by others, I'd say do it and don't care about what they say (unless the reason it is considered inappropiate is that it's causing harm to others). From what you write, I get the impression that those people you interact with on a regular basis will accept you anyway.

Even if there are not many people in your life that you would call friends, there are some and you should always keep that in mind. You don't need everyone to like you, it's more important that you are feeling at home with the people you interact with.

If your mother is somebody you can trust in completely (which I think she is, judging on what you wrote), I think you should talk things over with her. Even if she can't help you solve your problems, it might make you feel a bit better to have somebody listen to you. And in case that you would chose "the easy way out", it would at least give your family an idea as to the reasons. One of the worst things for the family of someone comitting suicide is when they don't know the reason for it.
But I think you should stick around a bit longer. I felt horrible all through my school life, but things got a lot better when I took up my studies at university.

Print this one post out and take it to a therapist.

yes. it sucks majorly. however, there are aspie groups out there for you to socialize.

I've been through periods like that, in the past. I agree about printing this and taking it to your shrink. Sorry about using that word. It's easier to for me to spell than the proper word. I was put on the right pills and I've been doing well for over 10 years.

Sure you can, hang in there. We all do.

Every human at some point has gone through these feelings, you must go through these feelings, pass them and move to the other side where there is hope and everything is beautiful. Know, that you are precious inside, not a monster, and you must find a way to release the light that is within.

I didn't read the text just responded to the topic name.

I took my time and read through your text ( which is not that much I just felt lazy at the time in all honesty), and yes I have done the same as what you describe, you need to be more honest with your surrounding and tell people to f**k off if they are bugging you. + I thought your reply to the cold was bad ass and very cowboy.
Since we don't do small talk and how the hell should you know if it's cold outside or not if you haven't been. ~thumbs up~

I just hope you don't do anything really dumb when your in that darkest of dark places and funny things start toying with your brain. ( You're not human if you don't go crazy at least once in your lifetime. And you don't want to be a puppet do you?)

It gets better, and one key point to our survival amongst the norm of clowns is to loosen up and just speak your mind. People submit to friction, the moment someone snaps back at them or tells them how s**t really should go down they shut the f**k up or follow.
(They hardly attack so don't fear the masses, they are sheep.)

And don't keep s**t in to much, be crazy say ridiculous things touch stuff... hell! even lick it if you feel like it. Just don't kill who you are. I played that charade for 10 years, and what a waste of time it was.

(...and you're 17. I'm 24. Think of the Aspies that are around 60. I remember a time (at your age) where I heard voices and "talked" to myself for HOURS in my head every damn day, was very mad at everything and thought if it would just be for the best to do myself in... ~shrugs~. We only grow stronger.)

Well I'm off, need to relax. Just played a 190 member poker tournament ( came in 6th place and won 20 dollars, (buy-in: 2 dollars) on the Internet that is...)

aahhh bla bla bla stay cool ( time: 09:39 in the morning) >___<

night night

i wish i was there to hold u to tell u its gonna be okay i know the feeling of loneliness and not fiitting in its like why even wake up in the morning right? well if u wana talk add me on msn. i will be ur friend thats what u need right now some one to talk to so add me and we can talk

I HATE MYSELF
I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT
I CAN'T SAY ANYTHING RIGHT
I want to kill myself all the time. Mostly, in relation to failed social interactions both in person and in writing. If I felt like I had emotional and intellectual understanding from those around me, I might feel differently, but most of the time, I feel misunderstood and I offend people without knowing what I did to offend, and I'm lonely and frustrated. All I can succeed at is work, and ultimately, that seems meaningless, too; what is life if you can't share it? I struggle.

PS, I've tried all the drugs there are (aside from the really hard street drugs) and the best ones only numb the pain, they don't solve the problem. They're not really worth it most of the time, and the simple ones work just as well as the complicated, addictive ones, anyway, if all you want to do is forget yourself for awhile. I don't really recommend them. The only thing that has helped me is meditation.

I think it's a good thing you gave up the drugs, sharpteeth.

I understand why it is so frustrating when you realize you have upset someone without even meaning to, that is happening a lot to me as well. Maybe, when you have upset someone, you should just try and ask them about what you have done wrong? At best it will help you to understand your mistake and avoid it in the future and at worst people will still be upset with you, so you have nothing to lose, really. Plus just showing that you do care about how other people feel can help to ease the situation and make everyone calm down again.

If you feel that you cannot share things that are important to you with the people you are interacting with IRL, you can always come to WP and talk about your interests/achievements/experiences here. I have found that people around here are interested in a great many things, so it is very likely that there is someone sharing your interests.

If you think writing down all your troubles in detail and hearing somebody else's opinion would help you, you are welcome to PM me, I just cannot promise an instant reply as I am living in a different timezone than most other people on WP. *sends sharpteeth a hug*