Why oh why

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Well my life completely SUCKS it looks like both of my kids are on the spectrum and so am I. Couldn't one of my
children have been spared. My daughter just qualified for EI and I know da#% well that this is just the beginning.
Couldn't one of my kids have been typical? I just wanted her to have the things I never have had and never will have. She
is so social but never notices other people's emotions. She has no friends and is a loner. I feel like just sitting in a corner
and rocking/banging my head on a wall. Just one of my children have a normal life IS THAT SO DAM##D much to FREAKING ASK? My daughter is brilliantly smart and beautiful
and I love her. Don't tell me that AS is not a curse or bad because my life has been extremely painful at times. Being left out and lonely and all alone....I wanted both of my children to belong and have lasting friendships. Not to experience the teasing, being left out, and pain of utter rejection from her peers. Just one of my children.......would that have been too much to ask..............

No, that wouldn't have been too much to ask. And you're allowed to process this in just about any way you choose. I (and probably everyone else here) will understand. Ranting about it for a while seems healthy and normal, quite frankly.

Ultimately, though, each one of us has a decision to make. "What am I going to do about it?" Telling yourself that you're never going to get something is a guaranteed way to ensure that you never get it. This applies to everyone everywhere. Hell yeah it's harder with AS. Everything's harder. So, those with AS have to work harder. Or not. It's everyone's choice to make for him or herself.

I'm not trying to disagree or criticize you, but while many aspies and autistics are bullied and teased badly, not all are. I'm also not lonely even though I don't have many friends, I actually love being by myself. If you are truly worried about bullying and teasing you could homeschool your children and (for socializing purposes) have them do scouts or another fun, but adult supervised, activity. I actually used to do girl scouts and I met one of my best friends through it.

I'm just upset.....I know it's all doable but I just wanted ONE normal child that I wouldn't have to have problems with.
Was that really too much to ask....I know she's going to be alright but I now get 2x as many parent meetings, therapists, evaluations, doctor appointments and etc. When all I really want is to sit at home and enjoy my kids. Having ONE easy kid should not have been TOO much to ask...and I do have to help my children. I'm going to get her as much help as I can and work with her as much as possible...no matter how hard it is for me dealing with all those people....

Last edited by kate123A on 03 Nov 2010, 5:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Where is the logic in the assumption that every AS child is a problem child?

Nothing builds self-esteem like parents who think you're a mutant.

Not all people with Aspergers would agree that it is a gift or whatever they want to call it. I have AS. I hate having AS. If I had the choice I would get rid of my AS, TS and whatever the heck else I have (still some questions around...). It's going to be hard for you. Make sure you have people who can support you. That's what my mum felt she didn't have with me and my brother. Although its not good that both your kids are on the spectrum, it is better that you know now and not when they have grown up because there is a possibility to help them. I never got that chance and neither did my brother (he has undiagnosed ADHD symptoms). {{internet hug}}

Exactly. I was quiet, well-behaved, and a good student. Further, I grew up to counsel people.

My mother was quite proud of me.

Now, I did have a lot of pain in my life as well, but most other people who aren't on the spectrum experience pain. Just raise them to be the best people they can be.

A normal kid without problems. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ha hoo. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

My easiest kid to raise was the one with Asperger's. Of course I have Asperger's and homeschooled him so his tics and jiggles were not a problem and we made many friends through homeschool organizations and activities.

Still, when you first get a diagnosis of anything in your kid, you are CRUSHED. I was when I found out about my violently autistic daughter. So I actually have sympathy for you. It's just thinking that NTs have no problems is so....not....real.

she is not the problem. She will never be the problem. The problem will be all the therapists/doctors/ teachers/ school psychologists and ALL the other people I will have to deal with. The problem is I wanted her to have an easier time than I have had. The MILLIONS of forms, meetings, and parent teacher conferences I will get to attend. I just wanted to have ONE child without having a lot of specialists in my house and quietly deciding/suggesting I need More medication. There is nothing wrong with being on the spectrum.......I am on it ALSO....that is not and will never be the problem.

I know what you mean. I have AS and my 13 year old is in the process of being evaluated for it as well, and the other two have ADHD, which I also have. It sucks. It's not a gift. BUT, I consider myself uniquely qualified to help them get through the mess of NT madness. I just spent 30 minutes today lecturing a mom of a child with sensory issues as to why it's not the end of the world to buy seamless socks and cut the tags out of her daughter's clothing, that I'm in my 40s and I do the same for *my own clothes* and the earth hasn't tipped off its axis and fallen into the abyss yet.

~Kate

I know someone with one Aspie and one NT child. The NT child is an angry demanding character - it's the way she's figured out to get an equal share of the attention.