I Really Want To End It All....

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I know I post on here a lot and I apologize. This is the only place I can do that. But, I really want to end it all. I can't bare it anymore. f*****g ASPERGERS!! !! !! !! ! f**k f**k f**k f**k!! !! !! That is how much I hate it. I can't believe you all pretend to like this piece of s**t disability that does nothing good for society. I hate having it and I wish I was dead so I would not have to feel the pain of having it. I have no girlfriend, no social life, no respect, nothing that interests NTs at all. I am sick and tired of being told to think for myself and march to the beat of my own drum. Why should I? So I can be even more lonely? You all sit on you damn high horse and think that your life is good because you have AS, it is not. Alex Plank: Stop trying to tell people your life is great now and that you are 'normal' when you clearly are just like us!! ! I cannot relate to you at all. I cannot relate to Temple Grandin and the other aspie 'celebrities'. Instead, I feel alone, isolated, depressed and suicidal. THANKS for nothing.

I am one of the few people on this board that think AS is a liability.

You can change. I have. It takes years of hard work and dedication. Study NTs and how they think, how they act. It can all be duplicated. You are still young. Think of it a five year project.

wish i could help you out. you are very young and old clowns like myself probably cannot relate to how things are with you.

please do not give up. i have had the worst life this side of a north korean prison and have had some really terrific experiences............ that did not start till i was 30.

performing volunteer work was the best thing i have ever done. met my only/best friend louie the wonder dog that way.

you need to find something that will work for you.

and trust me.....many humans without a. s. feel alone, isolated, depressed and suicidal.

best to you.

you think you're the only one who is like that?

I'm not but still
I was
wanna know how I changed?

What you should do is phone your local crisis line and talk through everything that you've mentioned, here.

Hang in there!

The other thing that I must say to everybody who posted here is that such feelings are understandible. Many of us are told that we're worthless, growing up and we might believe those words, as well. I was told that I was worthless by one of my parents as a teenager, one time. I believed it, I got through it and I don't feel useless, anymore.

I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I'm in my 40s and I still think AS is a massive liability, not a "gift" or an asset. It sucks. I can mostly pass for NT when I try (but it's stressful as hell) and I function OK occupationally, but I'm f*cking depressed and still obsessive, and if I didn't have kids that need me I wouldn't be here. My current "project" is to find some other reason to want to be here besides my kids, so that when they're all grown I won't want to end it as soon as I can.

I still think you're young, though, and there may be some way that you can find a way to make your life less painful. I'm not going to give you any platitudes like "march to your own drum" because that's just plain stupid. I have a therapist right now who is familiar with AS in kids, and she is getting ongoing training in working with adults with ASDs. Can you find one who has some experience and/or training with AS?

~Kate

You have to meet the right people, those who will accept you rather than condemn you for who you are. Alex Plank has found the right people, and Temple Grandin did. I'm sure, though, that such results were achieved only after years of hard work. Giving up is just never the answer. I know someone who has suffered unfair treatment from her BF and even ended up in jail. She has AS. And she's not giving up, because she knows that there are people out there who have a special spot for her in their hearts. And I'm sure that that's the case with you, if you just think about it carefully.

I don't know where in Canada you live, but I live in Toronto and if you do live here, I could introduce you to some of my folk.

Really, there's no way to cure loneliness without spending time with people. And loneliness does cause depression, anxiety, and even health problems. The need for belonging is one of the basic human needs, according to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. That's why loneliness is so dangerous.

We either find a way to like our AS or fool ourselves into liking our AS because you can't live a satisfying, happy life without accepting yourself for who you are. Yes, even if others don't accept you. Because these people are stupid, egocentric, and not worth your time.

You need to talk to someone. Call the crisis hotline. I know you are very concerned that no one will understand, But you need to try. Keep trying until someone listens and understands.

You want to be "normal" and given your situation, who would blame you. It sounds like your AS affects you more than it does for many others. No wonder why you feel so misunderstood.

It sounds like you need medication to help you.

I know its hard, we all have terrible problems relating to others. You have to play the cards you're dealt. Don't be ashamed of your interests, they make you you.

You deserve life like everyone else. You just need to try and make it work for you.

I know someone who doesn't have aspergers at all and she has a serious mental illness. She is on so many medications that is making her extremely overweight so now she has to worry about diabetes. She already has high cholesterol too. She has borderline personality disorder. If she were to go off the medications she would most likely go back to a mental hospital. She hates the medications because it has made her so overweight but it's the only way. But she still gets depressed.

I've felt the same way before, OP. I hope that you feel better someday.

It is what it is...