I need to tell a story.

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One day, when I was thirteen or fourteen, I noticed that there was a lot of activity among the adults in the house (my mother, father, and grandmother). My mother was hopping back and forth between my father's work area and my grandma's bedroom. They had been talking about something. I couldn't, and still can't, read faces that well, but I knew something serious was going on.

"Is everything okay?" I asked my mom anxiously as she was coming from my grandma's bedroom.
My mom, who never lied about anything, said "No, it's not okay." Then she went to talk to my dad.
I tried to quiz my grandma about what was happening, and she pretended not to know. Something was definitely wrong.

I tried to ask my mom and dad what was going on. They couldn't tell me yet.
Well, I thought, couldn't you at least tell me who it's about?

You see, my world was fragile back then. Was one of my siblings sick? Had dad lost his job? Did mom have cancer? Had another grandparent died? These were all real possibilities.

Soon enough, as always happened after something significant happened, my father gathered my siblings and I in the living room. He and Mom were solemn.

"You guys," he said. "I have some bad news. It's about your aunt."
As soon as Dad said, "it's about your aunt," I knew what had happened.
He continued, "She passed away about a day ago."

My little brother piped up. "How did she die?" He asked bluntly. My mom grimaced.

My dad tried to explain in as age-appropriate a way as he could. "Well," he said. "She had a kind of sickness called bipolar disorder. And sometimes her bipolar disorder would make her very sad. This time, it made her so sad that she didn't want to live anymore. So she killed herself."

My father is a stoic man, always has been. He was very loving towards us, but he didn't get affected by other people's emotions. It was very hard to get him to be angry or sad. My mom had been married to him for something like fifteen years at that time and had only seen him cry once or twice. But what I remember most strongly about that was how angry my father was.

I'm writing this to tell people: If you are contemplating suicide, don't do it. Never convince yourself that others don't love you. If there is nothing bad in your life, there soon will be. Conversly, if there is nothing good in your life, good things will come. Never give up hope. God made you with a purpose and can (and probably will) do amazing things with your life. Remember who you would leave behind if you left. Remember that there is always hope.

thanks for sharing

I think this is a very important thing to keep in mind: that suicide does not only affect the person committing it, but also people around that person. In some cases a loved one's suicide can drive friends or family members into depression or worse.

I do not doubt the sincerity of your intentions here, but do you have any reason to believe your aunt could have heard that kind of order and acted upon (obeyed) it? At the very least, she would have known the decision was her own to make. Personally, I think it would be best to turn all of this around and hold others accountable for at least some things:


Nah. How about, "Never let your potentially-suicidal loved one become unaware of your love for him or her"?


Whew. I have a lot of issue with that kind of statement and I am not even suicidal.


If so, then tell the family members and friends to be sure all their loved ones always have a little of it.

Though I don't think anyone should be blamed for the suicide of another person unless they goaded the person into it in some way (such as through abuse), I have to agree. I'm a complete dunce in these areas and yet even I have always managed to make sure my friends know that I love them when they are in a bad place. If I could do it, anyone can.

I honestly have no idea how people who are suicidal resond to this kind of thing, having never been suicidal myself. I also tend to be very dispassionate, which can also make me come off as insensitive to other people. More than once I have tried to cheer someone up and just made it worse. I know that no one chooses to become suicidal; that her mood swings and other issues were beyond her control. I do think that to actual commit suicide is a choice. Then again, maybe I'm just being a jerk, since I have never been suicidal.



If that's what is going on, absolutely. I think that the person's family is an extremely powerful factor in the world of a depressed person. But my dad, uncle, and grandparents (at least to my knowledge) never did anything to suggest that they didn't love her. This is going to sound highly mean-spirited on the Haven, but I don't mean for it to be mean-spirited. Hear me out. To my (limited and second-hand) knowledge of what went on, this belief was her own making. Before you react, listen to this: I have done exactly the same thing. I have not often been depressed, but I did convince myself for a long time that my a loved one no longer cared what happened to me. I was under significant stress and needed someone to blame that stress on. I'm saying, "don't let it get this bad. you'll only make things worse."




Specifically, what issue do you have with this statement?




Yes! I am by no means putting all the blame on the suicidal person.

Thanks for sharing your story.

About a few months ago, I had an uncle (whom I never met) in South Korea who was found dead in the mountains somewhere after after an argument with his wife (one of my mom's sisters). It seems he prior to dying telling him he loved her and all. All the signs point to suicide but nobody in my family wants to talk about.

I've made several attempts in the past to commit suicide but when my dad found out he never really did anything to help me. He only told me "I dont wanna hear anymore talk about you trying to kill yourself, you hear?" and just swept it under the rug. I think suicide is often too extreme of a situation that people will try and shrug it off by nonchalantly saying "dont do it" and all. I get that alot. People dont like to think other people really have it bad.

I think that's why suicide people have difficulty being talked out of it.

About 3 1/2 months ago I was quite suicidal, had the method, location, everything planned out, and what stopped me was the idea of my children hearing about it. I thought doing that to them would make me the absolute worst person in the world. Whether it's hearing it from someone here or it occurs to one spontaneously, the thought of how one's suicide might affect someone else CAN and DOES prevent suicides. It has prevented at least one.

~Kate

I once went to stage three of suicide planning. This was before my medication. Now look what its done to me. I can't really draw anymore. My writing is sporadic at best, and my monster that Alex and I have created is growing.

You see this is what happens when you have been mistreated all of your life, not only here, but in life.