Envious of my friends who spend the holidays with family

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I have several friends who live in the Atlanta area and during the holidays, they spend their time in big family gatherings. Among them are often their parents and their siblings while I have spent one on one holidays with my aunt who lives with me. Meanwhile, my family lives in Minnesota and I can't go because my mother has untreated schizophrenia and she is very abusive. My dad and my first sister also treat me like a half a person and there is always a lot of comparing to make it sound like she is a better and smarter than I am and that hurts. She has also acted as if I don't exist whenever I have visited them during the holidays by often walking away from me and going in her room and slamming the door. I have often sunk to their level and I have tried to assault my mother and my sister because I feel like they don't back off and keep on push my buttons. They then try to accuse me of being dangerous and that I need to be locked up and that they were completely innocent. My mother also recently made it clear that she doesn't love me and so therefore, I can't ever go home. This is why I envy my friends going to big family get togethers since they don't have to take that kind of abuse. I haven't seen my mother for 6 years and I have been much happier since but the pain is still there and cuts me deep. Holidays also tend the be the worst time for me to have a meltdown.

Is anyone else in the same boat that I am in? If so, what kind of advice can you give me?

I haven't had the same experience but I have felt the rejection of a parent and many times when I see an add of a happy father and daughter I feel really bad afterward because my father isn't like that. During my childhood to early teens, he acted like a really good dad but when he seperated from my Mum, he became very very emotionally abusive to me.

I still have difficulty dealing with this because apart from the pain, it has caused my to doubt the reality of all positive emotions expressed to me by others. When this feeling seems 'proven' to me about a person, I don't trust them again.

I can see why you feel envy, is it possible to find people close to you that can't go home either and then get together for celebrations? People from other countries probably won't be able to afford to go home in this recession and it's nice not to be alone. Perhaps to arrange a gathering might help, and you'd be sure to help others doing this kind of thing and also helping yourself have a happier holiday.

The saying "Friends are the family you choose" can be rather accurate. My neighbours family are closer and kinder to my Mother than her own family. To me too, despite my strangeness, I've never felt unaccepted by them.

Anyways, enough sadness.

What I do to try and pull myself out of the mire that happy F&D adds sometimes sends me to is: I make a list of all the good things in the world that I know to be true (ex. the smell of roses), another list of the things that make me happy (ex. my cat, fog etc) and then another placing in this list things/event/etc that were on both lists, followed up by a nice cup of tea. Usually the focus it needs to think about all the good/happy things crowds out the bad things in my mind and the time needed creates distance from the pain.

I hope this works for you at least a little.

hey miyah.......i've been alone for a long time now.............my mother was severely manic- depressive, so much so it was not really possible to communicate with her. my father hated me and did everything he could do to hurt me. i spent some time with a grandmother who was schizophrenic and did all sorts of things to me. i started working at a young age and found a home of sorts at a 'pool hall'.

i escaped all that when i was 17 and joined the military. did not look back.

you are not alone. lots of us out here. the only advice i can give you is that if a friend invites you to be with their family during holidays, why not go? make sure the friend tells their family you are coming and that you have asperger's. best to be upfront about it.

if you end up alone over these times, maybe you could volunteer at a human shelter or, if you like dogs/cats, at an animal shelter. it's good to sometimes get out of our own thoughts and just do busy work that helps someone or a homeless animal. animals worked best for me. i've spent a lot of time over the last 15 years helping animals in various ways.

hope things get better for you-------