My personality is extremely inconsistent with AS sometimes
nick007
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I notice sometimes when I'm around certain people or in situations with people I don't really know; I am very unlike my usual typical self. I can be friendly, talkative & joke around. During those times I do not have the social interaction problems that I typically have. I am more aware of things around me & I also notice nonverbal social signs/cues/signals like hand-gestures, posture ect. During those times I like socializing & I feel comfortable interacting with strangers. I do NOT feel or act like an Aspie. It's like I have a sperate NT personality comes out & takes over. If you would see me in a typical situation & see me during one of my NT moments; you would think I am a different person. I like that NT personality but it doesn't come out a lot & it doesn't last long. Sometimes that NTness leaves while I'm in a social situation & I suddenly feel overwhelmed & I have to force myself to keep acting the way I was before. I wish I was that NT person all the time instead of only sometimes ![]()
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FluffyDog
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Maybe you can figure out when those "NT moments" are more likely to happen and then try to include more of those situations into your lifestyle?
My ideas for going at it:
-Write down a list of those people that tend to be around you when you are feeling more NT.
-Is there music playing or isn't there? If so, which kind of music? Is it slow or fast-paced?
-Do those moments happen when you are in a public place? In your own home? In the home(s) of specific people?
-Does your eating pattern figure in? Maybe you are more relaxed after a meal you enjoyed and that helps with your behaviour?
-Are there any moon phases/times of the month/weather situations in which you are more likely to feel NT?
-Does alcohol consumption help you to feel more NT? (If so, beware of developing a drinking habit. It would certainly be tempting...)
-Do you have certain clothes/items that are more likely to be in your vicinity in those NT moments than others you own?
-Does conversation touch your special interests when you feel more NT? Are there other topics of conversation that are likely to be talked about in NT situations?
That's all I can think of at the moment, but with a little patience this list could be finetuned to your needs and help you figure out what is likely to help you feel good.
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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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I would say, try to melt the two personalities together, rather than forcing to suspend the time when you feel NT
The very first important thing is not to change too fast, you have to be aware that it has to be gradual, in order to check if you are still OK with yourself and to make the change coherent for the other.
I suspended time as NT for about 8 years, I end up making parties for 150 in my flat people, everything seemed fine. I stopped pacing for almost all the time and when I tried I got seasick (lol) but there was a contradiction inside myself, and at the end, it blew everything up.
That contradiction was precisely the switch you describe. There was still a duality in me that prevented a few things, so my advice would be: try to see why you switch states, how to agree both.
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I can definitely get into a "comfort zone" (although I haven't been able to figure out what makes it a comfort zone) and feel what I imagine is "normal." Fun, spontaneous, free. And it builds on itself: the better I'm feeling about how a situation is going, the more I feel "normal." It *always* collapses though. Maybe a little break in the conversation where suddenly there's an awkward pause, or moving from one person to another in a conversation, or maybe just slipping back into introspection mode. And then I turn into the guy sitting all alone in the corner again -- completely shut down.
When the stars are aligned perfectly, I can fake it OK; but, it's just that -- faking it. And I'm destined to fall back into "real self" very quickly. At least I feel destined, because that's how it's always been. And, strangely, good experiences don't build up any confidence. In other words, a little bit of social progress made one day does not carry over into the next, unfortunately.
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nick007
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In some ways I relate better to younger people but in other ways I relate better to older people. People my age are the hardest for me to relate to in some ways because I have less in common with em & we are on different levels.
My ideas for going at it:
-Write down a list of those people that tend to be around you when you are feeling more NT.
-Is there music playing or isn't there? If so, which kind of music? Is it slow or fast-paced?
-Do those moments happen when you are in a public place? In your own home? In the home(s) of specific people?
-Does your eating pattern figure in? Maybe you are more relaxed after a meal you enjoyed and that helps with your behaviour?
-Are there any moon phases/times of the month/weather situations in which you are more likely to feel NT?
-Does alcohol consumption help you to feel more NT? (If so, beware of developing a drinking habit. It would certainly be tempting...)
-Do you have certain clothes/items that are more likely to be in your vicinity in those NT moments than others you own?
-Does conversation touch your special interests when you feel more NT? Are there other topics of conversation that are likely to be talked about in NT situations?
That's all I can think of at the moment, but with a little patience this list could be finetuned to your needs and help you figure out what is likely to help you feel good.
Those moments seem kind of random to me. When I was working I would be AS one moment & NT the next & AS again. I did not notice any changes with things at work except with myself. It's like my personality just switches/cycles sometimes. I've noticed that I have a harder time remembering things when it changes. When I'm an NT it's hard for me to remember some of my Aspie stuff & when I go back to Aspie; I have a hard time remembering the NT.
I do notice that I feel more comfortable during those times but I'm not sure why I feel more comfortable. I notice when I'm around certain people that I know somewhat I feel more comfortable & if I go to an environment/situation with em; I'm more likely to be comfortable & NT & I stay that way even if the person leaves for a while but other times I may not be comfortable when I'm in that same thing even if the person is around. It's hard to explain.
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Are you getting better at faking it, or are you really connecting more? I notice in some situations I feel more typical, and sometimes I try harder to fit in with society, just to get through the day. In the first instance it's a low-stress event and in the second, I feel like I'm pretty convincing at the time, but it's exhausting.
nick007
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I'm not faking it. I can fake when I have to for job interviews & stuff but when I have those NT moments it doesn't feel fake. My Aspie stuff feels like it's not there & it's hard to imagine being an Aspie. It's the same way when I'm an Aspie & thinking about NT stuff. I've been officially diagnosed with Schizoid Personality instead of AS but that personality is not natural to me. I think I became Schizoid as an adaptation thing because of my AS & other issues; it is not my natural state. I guess maybe it could be that I have my natural personality & my adaptive personality that I switch between
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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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Evidence yet again (if we need it!) that psychiatrists, 'mental health professionals,' psychologists and the like are not always all that accurate. (How's that for British understatement!
I really think, although mental health professionals might help, a movement for change, social and political activism for advocacy and rights needs to primarily be self-advocacy. It is the right to be fully ourselves, and yes, even if that means being 'different'!
So, whether Aspie, 'Normal,' Different in Different Ways, let us endeavor to build a society that is more fully inclusive. Let's build multiple paths and multiple ways for us to be accepted and appreciated (I'm thinking mainly of jobs, but I think this would apply to many, many areas.)
AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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