An Unexpected Failure

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So I've been trying to improve my social abilities for the last few years(starting from dire) with no luck. I know not everyone is like this, but for me feeling alone hurts. And feeling alone all the time hurts all the time. So, about a month ago I was so frustrated that I just started isolating myself. I would basically just spend all my time not at work alone in my bedroom with my computer and TV and video games. I did this because being around other people always reminds me how alone I am. Ergo, being around people = feeling alone = hurts. Which is why I do my grocery shopping at Walmart at two in the morning. Anyways, my isolationalistic policy seemed to be working. I was essentially able to forget that I was alone by using other distractions. I can't say I was happy, but I wasn't constantly hating my life which was a big step up for me. So, it seemed like I had at least a workable short term plan for dealing with my life. Until this week, when apparently my subconscious desires got tired of being ignored and...........(drumroll)..............I started dreaming about having friends. Which is really great while I'm asleep, But when I have to wake up in the morning and drive to work while trying not to break down into tears for the rest of the day............ I know it's an overly used phrase, but seriously just FML.

It sounds like you need to see a therapist. Maybe a group therapist or outpatient hospital program (which can be nice).

Unfortunately therapists are a big part of why I've gotten so frustrated recently. Since July when I was in the ER for being suicidal, Iv'e seen four different therapists. Within five minutes they were all assuming social anxiety disorder and after that nothing I said made any difference. So I took all of the different antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds they prescribed, none which had any effect except the one that made me dizzy, and kept trying to "put myself out there" like they told me I had too even though I've been doing that for years already. I'm going back again simply because I don't have any choice, but I don't much hope at the moment.

Aw man. It is hard to be so lonely. I suppose you already tried joining common interest clubs or tutoring or community charity orgs like Meals On Wheels.

wow. Yr words desribe me too. I'm a complete shut in who cant cope with the pain of being alone too.

I get that. Being around other people, yet feeling removed from the group.

It gets annoying, it gets lonely and can make you feel resentful and depressed. I know it may not be much but if you want to talk, you can message me any time.

I feel for you Daniel. I don't know what the answer is. I wish i was one of those people who actually liked being alone. It's kind of tough because as you say, we arent happy alone and we arent happy when we go out and feel like a f*****g alien.

so the solution is:

1. We either learn all the social skills required to partake in society normally

or

2. We learn to be content in isolation.

I think alot of our problems stem from being so f*****g hard on ourselves. Remember it's NOT your fault that you are the way you are.